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to forgive or forget...?

Posted by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:54 PM
  • 17 Replies

I (29) have had another fall out with my youngest sister (23), we have big blow out arguements every now and then. this is mostly because we dont get on and feel uncomfortable around each other.

My mom and other sister (28) think we are 2 peas in a pod and that we need to get together (with or without a mediator) and discuss what our issues are with each other. this stems back to childhood so i cant explain everything.


I am looking for opinions and advice on wiether I should talk with her or not.

If i talk to her i 'think' we are both going to get very hurt by the truth about how we make each other feel. also she will deny some of the things she has said to me in the ast but expect me to own up to the things i have said and the same goes for times she has let me down.

If we don't talk about it we either:

ignore the situation and try to just get on when we do see each other (this has proved as a bad idea peviously)

or if she agrees we can completely avoid each other and take it turns attending family gatherings (which are regular)


thanks very much for reading, all questions welcome!


sad

by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
marchantmom06
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you both need to grow up and act like adults. WALK AWAY! IGNORE HER. I have never understood how two grown ups can act like 5 year olds and not realize that it effects everyone around them. Forget the past and MOVE ON
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Connah_and_Me
by New Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:59 PM

wow there is no need to be rude, i am looking for friendly advice and opinions not abuse.I am posting on here because i need a friendly chat about this serious issue.

i would kindly ask you not to reply to any of my other posts or this one. thank you

CorpCityGrl
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:01 PM
3 moms liked this

Be adults about it.  I think it's sad that an option is that you have to take turns going to family functions - that shouldn't be an option at all. 

It looks like it's time to really sit down and talk to each other and hash it all out - both good and bad. 

sjump25
by on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:05 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow you just described my situation to a tee.. except I am 30, but the ages of your sisters are the same.  I tried talking and tried talking to my youngest sister, but it never got us anywhere except further apart.  Now we don't speak at all and I think it's for the best.  I just hope someday she can come around and see that I am right (i know that sounds very self centered, but she is a drug addict and neglects her children... I am right) and we can have a normal relationship again.  

I don't know if that helps you, but I hope you can figure out what is best for you and your sister.

ATL958
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 1:06 PM
2 moms liked this
I would talk to her. This sounds like my sister and myself.

Remember the following though:

1) you cannot control her, only yourself.

2) apologize for anything you've done that's wrong (that's the right thing to do)

3) don't "expect" an apology, or even acknowledgment from her, for her wrongs. If you go into it expecting one, and don't get it, your feelings will be hurt and you'll end up saying things that you'll regret.

4) before you call, think about your goal. Is your goal to get her to apologize? If so, then perhaps it's best to leave it alone for now. Call only when you can say, from the heart, that you love her and your goal is for there to be peace. You may have to just "let yourself be wronged", and eat a piece of humble pie in order for there to be peace.

Hope y'all can iron it out.
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hayliedlr
by JoAnna on Mar. 5, 2013 at 2:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I think a letter will work.  Sometimes when you sit and try to talk about the issues at hand.  An argument can come out of it.  A letter can not be interrupted.  Later discuss the letter in person. 

I know a letter is a bit impersonal but at least you can get out what needs to be said and everything can be said with out all the arguing.

Kodysmommy928
by Jennifer on Mar. 5, 2013 at 3:28 PM

Work it out. 

Kris_PBG
by Representative on Mar. 5, 2013 at 9:46 PM
I think it is worth it to work it out... Not easy, but if you can with things out, it will be well worth it!




Maybe you should try just first reminding each other what you DO like about each other... Go get coffee together and agree to not discuss ANY problematic issues. Set a separate date to deal with the issues. Just go spend some nice, light time together where you enjoy small talk and positive subjects... It may remind you both of the bigger picture and why it is worth it to find a way through this...



Good luck! :)
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CharlotteRose
by Charlotte on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:16 PM
Man i had alot of head bangers with my brother before he died suddenly i would love to take back every horrible word i ever said and our last fight was over something stupid. Pls try to be the bigger person sit down write a letter apologize for yr mistakes and move on. If she doesnt appreciate u trying than u have yr answer she doesnt want to forgive and forget. Good luck!!

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GELiz
by Member on Mar. 5, 2013 at 10:24 PM

I like this, But I would add to appologize for the way the things you did or said made her feel. It was probably unintentional on both sides. Maybe you could just agree to let the past hurts go on both sides and start fresh. When she or you says something hurtful, make a pact to call one another on the phone, say so, and ask for forgiven forgive each other.


Quoting ATL958:

I would talk to her. This sounds like my sister and myself.

Remember the following though:

1) you cannot control her, only yourself.

2) apologize for anything you've done that's wrong (that's the right thing to do)

3) don't "expect" an apology, or even acknowledgment from her, for her wrongs. If you go into it expecting one, and don't get it, your feelings will be hurt and you'll end up saying things that you'll regret.

4) before you call, think about your goal. Is your goal to get her to apologize? If so, then perhaps it's best to leave it alone for now. Call only when you can say, from the heart, that you love her and your goal is for there to be peace. You may have to just "let yourself be wronged", and eat a piece of humble pie in order for there to be peace.

Hope y'all can iron it out.



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