I (29) have had another fall out with my youngest sister (23), we have big blow out arguements every now and then. this is mostly because we dont get on and feel uncomfortable around each other.
My mom and other sister (28) think we are 2 peas in a pod and that we need to get together (with or without a mediator) and discuss what our issues are with each other. this stems back to childhood so i cant explain everything.
I am looking for opinions and advice on wiether I should talk with her or not.
If i talk to her i 'think' we are both going to get very hurt by the truth about how we make each other feel. also she will deny some of the things she has said to me in the ast but expect me to own up to the things i have said and the same goes for times she has let me down.
If we don't talk about it we either:
ignore the situation and try to just get on when we do see each other (this has proved as a bad idea peviously)
or if she agrees we can completely avoid each other and take it turns attending family gatherings (which are regular)
thanks very much for reading, all questions welcome!
wow there is no need to be rude, i am looking for friendly advice and opinions not abuse.I am posting on here because i need a friendly chat about this serious issue.
i would kindly ask you not to reply to any of my other posts or this one. thank you
Be adults about it. I think it's sad that an option is that you have to take turns going to family functions - that shouldn't be an option at all.
It looks like it's time to really sit down and talk to each other and hash it all out - both good and bad.
Wow you just described my situation to a tee.. except I am 30, but the ages of your sisters are the same. I tried talking and tried talking to my youngest sister, but it never got us anywhere except further apart. Now we don't speak at all and I think it's for the best. I just hope someday she can come around and see that I am right (i know that sounds very self centered, but she is a drug addict and neglects her children... I am right) and we can have a normal relationship again.
I don't know if that helps you, but I hope you can figure out what is best for you and your sister.
Remember the following though:
1) you cannot control her, only yourself.
2) apologize for anything you've done that's wrong (that's the right thing to do)
3) don't "expect" an apology, or even acknowledgment from her, for her wrongs. If you go into it expecting one, and don't get it, your feelings will be hurt and you'll end up saying things that you'll regret.
4) before you call, think about your goal. Is your goal to get her to apologize? If so, then perhaps it's best to leave it alone for now. Call only when you can say, from the heart, that you love her and your goal is for there to be peace. You may have to just "let yourself be wronged", and eat a piece of humble pie in order for there to be peace.
Hope y'all can iron it out.
I think a letter will work. Sometimes when you sit and try to talk about the issues at hand. An argument can come out of it. A letter can not be interrupted. Later discuss the letter in person.
I know a letter is a bit impersonal but at least you can get out what needs to be said and everything can be said with out all the arguing.
Maybe you should try just first reminding each other what you DO like about each other... Go get coffee together and agree to not discuss ANY problematic issues. Set a separate date to deal with the issues. Just go spend some nice, light time together where you enjoy small talk and positive subjects... It may remind you both of the bigger picture and why it is worth it to find a way through this...
Good luck! :)
I like this, But I would add to appologize for the way the things you did or said made her feel. It was probably unintentional on both sides. Maybe you could just agree to let the past hurts go on both sides and start fresh. When she or you says something hurtful, make a pact to call one another on the phone, say so, and ask for forgiven forgive each other.
Quoting ATL958:
I would talk to her. This sounds like my sister and myself.
Remember the following though:
1) you cannot control her, only yourself.
2) apologize for anything you've done that's wrong (that's the right thing to do)
3) don't "expect" an apology, or even acknowledgment from her, for her wrongs. If you go into it expecting one, and don't get it, your feelings will be hurt and you'll end up saying things that you'll regret.
4) before you call, think about your goal. Is your goal to get her to apologize? If so, then perhaps it's best to leave it alone for now. Call only when you can say, from the heart, that you love her and your goal is for there to be peace. You may have to just "let yourself be wronged", and eat a piece of humble pie in order for there to be peace.
Hope y'all can iron it out.
Question....if your spouse passes away and you get remarried......
- Connah_and_Me
on Mar. 5, 2013 at 12:54 PM