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Friends on the brink of divorce

Posted by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 6:12 PM
  • 17 Replies
Dh and I have been friends with a couple for the past 11 years. Our older boys are weeks apart in age and are best friends.

For the past 5 years, I would say their problems have been growing...

I am closer with the woman in the couple and sometimes she opens up and talks about how bad things are and how sad she is....

It is just heartbreaking to watch...

I feel bad for all of them, as none of them are happy... I try to just be a sounding board for my friend, but it is hard bc I do suspect that her dh has cheated on her... Obviously without proof, it is not even a consideration to mention it - but it puts an additional wrinkle in the situation.

Anyone here been through something like this?
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by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 6:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:32 AM
No. Sad situation.
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Kris_PBG
by Representative on Mar. 26, 2013 at 9:26 AM
It is... It seems like it is going to be protracted too... :(


Quoting Kmakksmom:No. Sad situation.
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Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:18 AM

Have you encouraged her to see a counselor? It's so sad when our friends get divorced, it's hard to stay in touch with both of them. I have a friend who has a great relationship with her ex though, so they can attend events together and even still spend holidays together with their adult kids. That would be a wonderful goal for your friend, if they don't make it.

Kris_PBG
by Representative on Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:23 AM
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We have talked about his adamant refusal to go to counseling, but I don't think we have spoken about her going alone - that is an excellent point.

I agree - some couples make the post-divorce life so much easier on their kids... It is a beautiful thing when it happens.

My friend is VERY private, so we only talk about it when she brings it up - which is infrequently. I respect her "boundaries" but my heart breaks for her. I've been hearing about it a little more lately bc I think it is getting harder for her to deal with...


Quoting Lindalou907:

Have you encouraged her to see a counselor? It's so sad when our friends get divorced, it's hard to stay in touch with both of them. I have a friend who has a great relationship with her ex though, so they can attend events together and even still spend holidays together with their adult kids. That would be a wonderful goal for your friend, if they don't make it.


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Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:25 AM
:(

Sorry to hear that.


Quoting Kris_PBG:

It is... It seems like it is going to be protracted too... :(





Quoting Kmakksmom:No. Sad situation.

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Kris_PBG
by Representative on Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:28 AM
We are meeting up with the kids at 2pm... No idea if she'll want to talk about it... I know they literally do nothing as a family anymore, and we just got back from a quick family get away, so she might bring it up...


Quoting Kmakksmom:

:(



Sorry to hear that.




Quoting Kris_PBG:

It is... It seems like it is going to be protracted too... :(








Quoting Kmakksmom:No. Sad situation.



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ChocolateJunky
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this

All I can say is that if and once they do split, I hope you can continue your friendship with her. When my parents divorced, all of their "friends" took sides with my dad, even the church pastor. I think the loss of friends was harder on my mom than the actual divorce. 

Kris_PBG
by Representative on Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:43 AM
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My mom went through something VERY similar!!!! It was very painful for her.

She will definitely remain my friend, and I like to think he would as well. I have to say, considering the strong reasons I have to suspect he is cheating, if that were to be confirmed, it would be a challenge, but one I would work through for the sake if our boys who are best friends. My dh is still friends with her dh, but they have been less close lately... Dh thinks it is bc he IS out doing inappropriate things and knows dh would not approve...


Quoting ChocolateJunky:

All I can say is that if and once they do split, I hope you can continue your friendship with her. When my parents divorced, all of their "friends" took sides with my dad, even the church pastor. I think the loss of friends was harder on my mom than the actual divorce. 


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Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 11:47 AM
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If she even went to just a couple of sessions where she could pour her heart out and be absolutely assured of confidentiality I bet she might get some clarity. (Not saying you wouldn't keep things confidential, but sometimes a stranger with no history is a good choice) Marriage limbo just sucks, and it's not good for the kids either, seeing mom and dad not loving each other. You are being a good friend just being available to listen :)



Quoting Kris_PBG:

We have talked about his adamant refusal to go to counseling, but I don't think we have spoken about her going alone - that is an excellent point.

I agree - some couples make the post-divorce life so much easier on their kids... It is a beautiful thing when it happens.

My friend is VERY private, so we only talk about it when she brings it up - which is infrequently. I respect her "boundaries" but my heart breaks for her. I've been hearing about it a little more lately bc I think it is getting harder for her to deal with...


Quoting Lindalou907:

Have you encouraged her to see a counselor? It's so sad when our friends get divorced, it's hard to stay in touch with both of them. I have a friend who has a great relationship with her ex though, so they can attend events together and even still spend holidays together with their adult kids. That would be a wonderful goal for your friend, if they don't make it.




Kris_PBG
by Representative on Mar. 26, 2013 at 12:05 PM
I think you are VERY right.

She knows I am a confidential person, but she also knows we are friends with him - and she is such a loyal person, I think it is hard for her to "let it all out".


Quoting Lindalou907:

If she even went to just a couple of sessions where she could pour her heart out and be absolutely assured of confidentiality I bet she might get some clarity. (Not saying you wouldn't keep things confidential, but sometimes a stranger with no history is a good choice) Marriage limbo just sucks, and it's not good for the kids either, seeing mom and dad not loving each other. You are being a good friend just being available to listen :)




Quoting Kris_PBG:

We have talked about his adamant refusal to go to counseling, but I don't think we have spoken about her going alone - that is an excellent point.



I agree - some couples make the post-divorce life so much easier on their kids... It is a beautiful thing when it happens.



My friend is VERY private, so we only talk about it when she brings it up - which is infrequently. I respect her "boundaries" but my heart breaks for her. I've been hearing about it a little more lately bc I think it is getting harder for her to deal with...





Quoting Lindalou907:

Have you encouraged her to see a counselor? It's so sad when our friends get divorced, it's hard to stay in touch with both of them. I have a friend who has a great relationship with her ex though, so they can attend events together and even still spend holidays together with their adult kids. That would be a wonderful goal for your friend, if they don't make it.







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