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Bully Punished With Bad Clothing. Unusual Yes, But Cruel?

Posted by on May. 21, 2013 at 6:07 PM
  • 5 Replies

Kaylee, wearing her outfit as punishment (Photo by Fox13/KSTU-TV)School bullying is a national crisis, but one woman thinks she found the solution—give the bully a taste of her own medicine.

More on Yahoo! Shine:
Public Shaming is the New Spanking and It's Not OK

On Wednesday, a Murry, Utah-based woman named Ally Olsen, 41, discovered that her fiancé’s 10-year-old daughter, Kaylee, was bullying a classmate. Kaylee’s teacher had emailed Olsen, explaining that the girl had been teasing a student for the past three weeks because of how she dressed. As a result, the victim no longer wanted to come to school.

More on Yahoo! 6-Year-old Punished Because Her Parents Made Her Late

“When I received the email, I was confused because just a few weeks ago, Kaylee had received an award from her principal for stopping a bullying incident at school,” Olsen told Yahoo! Shine. “I confronted Kaylee who explained that she had called another girl ‘sleazy’ for wearing Daisy Duke shorts and a tank top. We’ve taught Kaylee to dress conservatively but never expected her to be judgmental.”

Olsen said Kaylee was not apologetic so in lieu of grounding her which she felt "wouldn’t resonate” she turned to Facebook, asking friends for advice on how to handle the situation. By the next day, Olsen had a plan of action. She took her family, who regularly frequented thrift shops, to a local store, pretending it was a routine shopping trip. As Kaylee deemed various articles of clothing “ugly” and “embarrassing,” Olsen had her try them on as a joke, eventually telling the fourth-grader that she was purchasing the clothes for her as punishment. “I wanted Kaylee to truly experience the embarrassing feelings she had evoked in someone else by wearing clothes she felt self-conscious in,” says Olsen. “The goal wasn’t to select clothes that were cheap; it was to buy things that Kaylee herself said she hated.” Also, Olsen told Kaylee that she wasn’t going to force her to apologize to her classmate; her remorse had to be genuine.

Although Kaylee cried, the next day she headed to school wearing one of the outfits under a coat that she had zipped up to her neck. “When she came home that afternoon, Kaylee said the kids laughed at her for wearing ‘pajamas.’ She also felt so guilty that she pulled her classmate aside and apologized for her behavior the previous day." To solidify the punishment, Olsen snapped a photo of Kaylee wearing the outfit (her face was blurred to protect her identity) and posted it on Facebook.

By then, Olsen decided that Kaylee had suffered enough—until she learned that she had gotten into another altercation with a second girl. “When Kaylee explained how she had spoken rudely to a friend who was picking on her clothes, I decided that she needed to wear another embarrassing outfit the following day,” said Olsen. Kaylee was also made to attend her father’s soccer game wearing the clothing and posed for another photo in the outfit (her face was blurred again), which Olsen posted on Facebook. “We wanted adults to see the example we set.”

 
Shaming misbehaved children is hardly news and there's no shortage of parents who turn to social media to post embarrassing photos of their kids or have them stand in the street holding handwritten signs apologizing for bad behavior. But where's the line between a parent airing their family dirty laundry and being inappropriate?

“On the one hand, it sounds like this mother’s heart was in the right place,” says Kirsten Filizetti, Ph.D. a San Diego-based psychologist. “She was trying to help this girl understand what she had done and teach her a life lesson.

“However, parents should be careful about introducing shame and guilt onto kids as a form of punishment,” she says. According to Filizetti, a better plan of action may have been to sit down with the child and understand the motivations behind the bullying, then use that knowledge to expose him or her to children who are different than them. To further the learning lesson, it may also be wise to have the kid sit down with the peer they hurt and listen to how their behavior was hurtful. “It’s less important that the bully explain where they were coming from and more important that the victim feels heard,” she says.

by on May. 21, 2013 at 6:07 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on May. 22, 2013 at 2:32 AM
I read that yesterday. Interesting.
coreynlala
by Member on May. 22, 2013 at 7:48 AM
2 moms liked this

There are certain things that a child should not be embaressed about. Such as bed wetting or something. But I have always said I would do the the same thing to one of my children if they did this. Bullying is such a hard thing to deal with. Times have changed. When my parents were in school it wasn't the end of the worl if the walked up to their bully and puched them in the face. When I was in school it was usually just in school suspension or something. Now it though the bullies are armed with more than just a mouth or a  fist. these kids have  technology now, on their side. I have been the bully and I have been bullied. I ended up on the top of a hit list in 9th grade. Scary. I was nice after that, but all the people I hurt before that point, the dammage was already done. 

If I can save my kid from their own self before it gets out of control I will do it. Of course it would be after talking and other punishment has not worked, but how long is a parent supposed to let it go? The longer mom and dad wait the more dammage their causing to this child. All the other children who hear the bullying develope opinions after hearing what the bully has said. 

My neice was bullied so bad, she thought it was easier to kill herself. Luckily she didn't understand how to di it. Not sure where it even came from. But I was able to put her in front of a mirror and convince her that she really is beautiful. I have creatted a monster. She now KNOWS she's beautiful. But I'll take "full of herself" over dead anyday. And she does a lot of programs now to help stop the bullying. She will be 12 soon. So proud of her. 

Point is, I feel this woman did the right thing. She wasn't abusive. She didn't yell, scream, hit, she taught by example. And she also probably saved that other little girl's self esteem. Not everybody who wears shorts and a tank top are "sleezy." It's how you carry your self not what you wear.  My children get to wear Jordan's and stuff. We buy during tax time. But they better hope the don't ever get caught teasing someone for not. They will not like what I put on their feet after that. (if talking doesn't work)   GO MAMA

PurpleHazey
by Angie on May. 22, 2013 at 11:14 AM

 


Quoting coreynlala:

There are certain things that a child should not be embaressed about. Such as bed wetting or something. But I have always said I would do the the same thing to one of my children if they did this. Bullying is such a hard thing to deal with. Times have changed. When my parents were in school it wasn't the end of the worl if the walked up to their bully and puched them in the face. When I was in school it was usually just in school suspension or something. Now it though the bullies are armed with more than just a mouth or a  fist. these kids have  technology now, on their side. I have been the bully and I have been bullied. I ended up on the top of a hit list in 9th grade. Scary. I was nice after that, but all the people I hurt before that point, the dammage was already done. 

If I can save my kid from their own self before it gets out of control I will do it. Of course it would be after talking and other punishment has not worked, but how long is a parent supposed to let it go? The longer mom and dad wait the more dammage their causing to this child. All the other children who hear the bullying develope opinions after hearing what the bully has said. 

My neice was bullied so bad, she thought it was easier to kill herself. Luckily she didn't understand how to di it. Not sure where it even came from. But I was able to put her in front of a mirror and convince her that she really is beautiful. I have creatted a monster. She now KNOWS she's beautiful. But I'll take "full of herself" over dead anyday. And she does a lot of programs now to help stop the bullying. She will be 12 soon. So proud of her. 

Point is, I feel this woman did the right thing. She wasn't abusive. She didn't yell, scream, hit, she taught by example. And she also probably saved that other little girl's self esteem. Not everybody who wears shorts and a tank top are "sleezy." It's how you carry your self not what you wear.  My children get to wear Jordan's and stuff. We buy during tax time. But they better hope the don't ever get caught teasing someone for not. They will not like what I put on their feet after that. (if talking doesn't work)   GO MAMA

She sure did do the right thing, I will continue to teach my children and grandchildren to treat other as they want to be treated.

 

hayliedlr
by JoAnna on May. 22, 2013 at 11:37 AM

I would have done the same thing

missg8
by Member on May. 23, 2013 at 6:51 AM
1 mom liked this

 My concern is supposedly she learned her lesson the first time but did it again. She might know that no matter what I could put up with being laughed at for one day but I will be back in my clothes tomorrow. It might be better to get her involved in a community service of some kind not as a punishment but a way to help her realize that not everyone is as fortunate. Just a thought though.

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