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Family Secret - It's only took 26 years for someone to tell me.

Posted by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 6:37 PM
  • 11 Replies

So a few weeks ago my biological half sister found me on on Facebook. The thing was I didn't know my dad was different then my biological father. Turns out he adopted me when I was little. I have no desire at all to see my biological father but he had 6 other kids, a couple of which what to get to know me.I'm a totally daddy's girl and this make no difference to me who was the man who actually got my mother pregnant. I kinda suspected this for years so while I was surprised I wasn't totally shocked although the slew of siblings was a little twist. I'm 26, so I assumed I was never going to know for sure. My mother admitted that she never meant to keep a secret but my dad doesn't like to talk about it. Which I totally get. Still I find my dad even more amazing that he when through so much. I understand not talking about it but I'm tried of the secret. My mother doesn't want to tell my siblings mostly my sister because she will not understand. I'm fine with that but I don't want it a secret from my children like it was from me. My husband is adopted and that's not a secret I'm just not sure what to do. 

by on Jun. 30, 2013 at 6:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Jun. 30, 2013 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this

You should probably honor your Mother's wishes. You can tell your kids someday when their grown-up brains can understand it, and it won't make any difference to them either. Your Dad is their Grandpa.

Kris_PBG
by Representative on Jul. 1, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Wow - that is a lot to take all in at once...

For now, I would say let yourself have time to digest it all and see how you personally want to handle it.

Then later on you can figure out how you want to handle telling others.
susan115
by New Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 7:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Good Luck, hard place to be in.  Your sister will find out, just how mad will she be with your mother is the question.  Hugs and Good Lucks.  Good thoughts, too.

dancingthrulife
by Member on Jul. 1, 2013 at 10:02 PM
1 mom liked this

hugs

hayliedlr
by JoAnna on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Good Luck, Whatever you choose I'm sure will be the right choice.

kcrogue
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:46 AM


I suppose she will someday. She will not understand, she's very judging and over the top. Sex before marriage is a big no no. She's thought it was funny for years to call me a bastard because it's well known I was born before my parents got married. Yeaaaaah. Thanks for the support I like to talk things out, which I can't do so much with this. 

Quoting susan115:

Good Luck, hard place to be in.  Your sister will find out, just how mad will she be with your mother is the question.  Hugs and Good Lucks.  Good thoughts, too.



kcrogue
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:58 AM
1 mom liked this


I wouldn't just go against my mom I respect her too much. I just feel like it could be easier to take in now. My husband has known he was adopted since he was little. My kids know this too so adoption is not too strange of an idea.  I guess I just don't want to rehash this in another 20 years, maybe we can give another couple years for my sister to mature.  

Quoting Lindalou907:

You should probably honor your Mother's wishes. You can tell your kids someday when their grown-up brains can understand it, and it won't make any difference to them either. Your Dad is their Grandpa.



sjump25
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 8:43 AM

How old is your sister?  I think you need to do what is best for you and your family.  If that means telling your kids then you shouldn't hold off on doing that because of your sister.  It's your life, it's your secret.  I say do what will make you feel better about the situation.

bzzybeemomof3
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:27 AM

 My best friend found out after 26 yrs that she had a half sister. Her da had a daughter before her and her mom got to gether and they actually used to play when they were younger. He lost his rights to his other dd when she was like 6 and my friend was about 2 or 3 yrs old.

She was looking up family history on th enet and came across her name and was confused had no idea who she was. She asked her mom and her mom said a typo.

A few yrs later her sister contacted her on fb and told her everything. My friends Grandma "both of the" had no idea that she never knew this and her dad tried to deny it, but then her mom told her the truth finally. Her parents are divorced.

But anyways her dad was dead set aginst hi sdaughter ever meeting his other daughter, and pretty much disowned her for talking and visiting with her.

I would keep it a secret from your own kids, but from the sibilings its not your choice its your moms and if that is how she feels. But are your kids old enough to not spill it to others in the family?

I agree though, I wouldnt want to continue holding onto this as a secret.

kcrogue
by Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 3:22 AM


She's 23. She just tending to hear thing differently I don't know what she would twist this situation into. It is worrisome. 

Quoting sjump25:

How old is your sister?  I think you need to do what is best for you and your family.  If that means telling your kids then you shouldn't hold off on doing that because of your sister.  It's your life, it's your secret.  I say do what will make you feel better about the situation.



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