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Why did I send that message. Feeling stupid.

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:59 PM
  • 18 Replies

Let me give you some history on the matter.

My great- aunt was a single mother. Her DH left her with a 1 yr old when she was 19. She totally rose to the occasion- awesome mom. She went to college at night, worked a full time job, eventually got a job for the state, was an amazing yet strict mom. He was in "devil pups" because he wanted and because she thought it was good for him to be around strong male figures since dad was missing in his life. She paid for his college, stayed out of his business when it came to his personal life etc. 

I only have 3 aunts total, and she is by far my favorite. She is understanding, liberal, and responsible. 

Last year her and I were having our usual chit chat and she broke down and told me what my cousin and his wife had sent her. My aunt had sent monogramed bath towels and a gym leotard to my cousins kids- her grandchildren. The wife replied via e-mail that "she should stop sending them things that won't be useful to them, that they have told her before in so many words, but to just send a check-anything else just gets donated as it's not their taste."

My cousin who is a FB friend of mine seems to have radical views on who should be a parent. He is an extreme atheist and extreme in his views of who should have kids. Apparently he thinks his mom doesn't fit his criteria because she was a single mom. He seems so bitter toward the world. He is also a Sherriff.

It's been a year since he hasn't spoken to her. SHe still sends him birthday and fathers day cards, even his wife mothers day cards. No response. Last response she ever got from him was when she emailed him about the email his wife sent her about the gifts to which he replied "She's right and I would have told you the same thing."

I talked to her recently and still no word from him and her pain of not understand why bothers me. So for some reason I decided that I was going to send him a message sharing my feelings before I deleted him from FB.

It read something like this- "Hi cousin. Rememer when your mom used to fly me up to spend summers with you guys? Those are some of my fondest memories, maybe because I wasn't as lucky as you in the mom department. Either way I'm lucky to have her as an aunt. 

I know you have excluded her from your life. I want you to know that it hurts me because I see her pain and especially because of her not understanding why. I could only wish for a mom like her and I'm sad to see how easily you dismiss her as your mother. Bye."

Umm yeah- that's how I feel, BUT WHY DID I DO THAT. I TOTALLY MEDDLED, UGGG.

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 9:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:05 PM
you meant well!! and sometimes we cant help ourselves. it seems that at least you value your aunt even if her own kids dont. your post isnt going to rock their world but might cause a ripple.
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:18 PM
I do not understand. Your aunt's kids disowned her because she sends stupid tasteless gifts? Holy shite. I would have no family at all if we and I and they disowned for such a reason. Your aunt is better off without them. I hope she finds a great fella who will love her to death and buy her stupid tasteless gifts and that they will live happily ever after.
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:23 PM

 You didn't meddle. You told him what you thought. You love your aunt and he is being a huge jerk to her. Maybe your message will make him think about it a little. Good luck to you and your aunt. : )

by Representative on Jul. 3, 2013 at 12:29 AM
You spoke from your heart!!!

Did you get a response?
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 5:05 PM

I don't think you meddled at all...she's your favorite aunt, and you see how much she is hurt by all this.  Since they are all family, I believe it WAS your business.  Maybe it will provoke some thought and change in them towards your aunt.


by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 5:26 PM

Your cousin sounds like a dick. Just how you described him makes me want to punch his face in.

by Liz on Jul. 3, 2013 at 5:51 PM

I probably would have done the same!! :/

by Liz on Jul. 3, 2013 at 5:53 PM

Quoting MelanieMans:

Your cousin sounds like a dick. Just how you described him makes me want to punch his face in.


by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 7:53 PM
I love how you went straight to the point while keeping the email short and simple ... Is so heartbreaking to read about an asshole like him who forgot about his mother ! The one and only person who never left him and dis her best to provide him as best as she could .... His kids will grow up one day and hopefully do the same shit to him !! That dil should get punched in the dace for even suggesting checks !! How convenient of them !!! Smh
by New Member on Jul. 3, 2013 at 8:01 PM

You did not meddle but spoke your mind!!! and some times truth hurts....I would love to take back all the the times I spoke mean and hate ful things to my mom, I was set straight by her BF and now we are seperated by the heavens....Stay close to your Aunt and maybe he will come around but just remember what goes around comes around and he has children who might do the same things he is doing.......hugs

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