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Your son died... so what! Forget about him

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:26 AM
  • 266 Replies
4 moms liked this
This is what my oldest son who is 20 said to me this morning about my 10 yr old son , who died from lukemia last july. Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary . I told my son i was gonna buy a cake etc . to share with my other children and neighbor kids. My other neighbors said they would make a dish also. I didnt ask , they doing this from the kindness of their hearts. My son threw a hissy fiss, ".he called me a hyprocrite because i never did the same for my 77 yr old mother who passed in 2012. But i explained to him that " my mother was blessed to lived that many years" she lived her life , children , grandchildren, marriage. My 10yr old didnt get a chance to experience life. His life was cut short. So i think its sadder when a child dies. I do miss my mom, but her death makes more sense to me. My 10 yr old i was,expecting him to die so young. I guess my oldest son dont understand?, because he dont have children yet, the incredible love that a mother have for her children. We dont want our children hurt, sick, dead. He want me to pretend this didnt happened, i cant my baby is gone forever, you aint supposed to bury your children. But i am holding up pretty well. Rip garrison.
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:26 AM
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Replies (1-10):
HIJKLM
by Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:29 AM
41 moms liked this
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your ods is probably hurting in his own way and lashing out at you. I don't think 1 year is enough time to "get over it". Just do what you have to and try not to get too mad at ods.
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AmazingMomOfTwo
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:30 AM
1 mom liked this
Very sorry for you loss. That's a terrible to loose a child so young.
littlecolton07
by Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:31 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss.
offrdngal
by Terri on Jul. 6, 2013 at 11:34 AM
43 moms liked this
Have either of you seen a couselor, for your grief? The words your son said are screaming out "HELP!". Everyone deals with death differently. Has your oldest son actually grieved for his brother? As painful as his words are, to you...I think he his carrying a lot of pain that he won't let go of. The pain ends up coming out in ways such as this...not intentionally though. Try to talk to him or see if he is willing to go to family therapy.
I am so very sorry for your family's loss.

hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 12:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you might be right, and no we havent seen a counselor yet.


Quoting offrdngal:

Have either of you seen a couselor, for your grief? The words your son said are screaming out "HELP!". Everyone deals with death differently. Has your oldest son actually grieved for his brother? As painful as his words are, to you...I think he his carrying a lot of pain that he won't let go of. The pain ends up coming out in ways such as this...not intentionally though. Try to talk to him or see if he is willing to go to family therapy.

I am so very sorry for your family's loss.


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coronado25
by Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:23 PM
6 moms liked this
I think having a a cake and such is weird....it may turn into just a big crying fest that takes you deeper into that dark space you are in. I am so sorry, I am in tears reading your post.
hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:33 PM
Your a special person, in a good way. Tears for a stranger. This kind of gesture is what strengthen me.


Quoting coronado25:

I think having a a cake and such is weird....it may turn into just a big crying fest that takes you deeper into that dark space you are in. I am so sorry, I am in tears reading your post.

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LML1
by Kristy on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:37 PM
8 moms liked this

Sorry to hear for your loss. It's okay to celebrate the life of your child.

Thelmama
by Thelma on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:39 PM
10 moms liked this

Your son is jealous or grieving in a different way.  He is angry and it shows this way.  He is your child, it is different when you lose a child.  You son is probably thinking he needs some kind of attention he feels he is not getting.  it is a reaction to grief most likely. If not just tell him that you will be doing the rememberance and he can either attend or not, that you love him all the same but you need to grieve your way and he needs to grieve his.

Thelmama
by Thelma on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:40 PM

I am sorry for your loss.  Maybe he just can't deal with it.  Hugs and prayers.  

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