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Boy problems.. Help

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 4:24 PM
  • 153 Replies
1 mom liked this
My fiancée will be 21 in a few weeks and he is already talking about having beers every football Sunday. Me and alcohol do not get along. I was brought up with an abusive father that drank regularly and the thoughts of those memories still bother me.

We have a little girl together and I don't want her remembering alcohol like I do.

When we first starting going out and talking, I told him what bothered me and why. He knows I have a big issue with alcohol! I don't understand why he would wait til now to bring it all up!

I told him he would not do it around me and our daughter. And if it became something he couldn't live without we were done. Because I didn't want my daughter haunted by memories like I have.

I am now stressing about his bday. Instead of being excited and planning him a special bday... I'm stressing and regretting it already. I don't want it to ruin us and everything we have. It's just something I won't put up with.

Was I wrong to say what I said?
Any advice for me?
Help?
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 4:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
paganbaby
by Chesty La Rue on Jul. 10, 2013 at 7:34 PM

Bump! for later

sjump25
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 8:34 PM
11 moms liked this

My husband has a couple of beers every night.  It relaxes him after a long day of work and he never gets drunk.  I don't mind at all.  I don't even realize he is drinking beer most of the time.  If he couldn't handle it and got drunk every night it would not work for me.  Having a couple of beers during a football game is what most men (that I know anyway) do.. I would not make a big deal of it unless he can't handle it.  If it becomes a problem address it then.  

hayliedlr
by JoAnna on Jul. 11, 2013 at 12:05 AM
6 moms liked this

It sounds like he is talking about having beers on sundays for the game.  It doesn't sound like a big deal.  I can see your fears.  My dad was an alcoholic but I never knew he was until I was an adult.  He hid is so well and no he never laid a hand on us.

GL and don't stress too much

Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:25 PM
In the whole grand scheme of things, having some beers while watching football is honestly not a big deal. Everyone is different when it comes to how they hold their alcohol. My father was a horrible man, drunk or not. Alcohol did intensify his anger, but his anger was always there. I on the other hand, can drink 20 different alcoholic drinks at one sitting and not even get buzzed.

If he loves you and yall's daughter, he will listen to your fears and more than likely try to put your fears to rest. You could compromise and he can have some beer on his birthday, but if/when he starts to get buzzed, you can cut him off.

Good luck to y'all.
amonkeymom
by Amy on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with the others.  There is a big difference between having a beer or two once a week and drinking to excess.  However, I do understand your concerns and would probably ask that if he's going to drink that he do it elsewhere and not drive after.

graycalico
by on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:31 PM
12 moms liked this
My dad was an alcoholic and I was very anti alcohol for a long time. Now I have the occasional beer or glass of wine even if my kids are around. It teaches them that you can drink responsibly and that it's not about getting drunk. Give your guy a chance, don't make it an issue before it is one.
bigmama423
by Liz on Jul. 11, 2013 at 2:44 PM
2 moms liked this
I agree with the others..
I'm sorry about your past and father, but you shouldn't take that out on your spouse. If his drinking becomes a problem, then you have every right to jump on him.
My husband drinks beer everyday, it doesn't bother me at all because him drinking doesn't affect anything. He helps with the kids, helps around the house and goes to work.
Now, there has been a couple times that he's come home drunker than a sailor. When he does, I give him hell! :)
lilmamabowers
by Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this
Thanks everyone for the advice and feedback. I guess it's just something that has always bothered me. Guess I have to be fair..
esox
by Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 11:29 AM
6 moms liked this
I agree that it is perfectly normal to have a couple beers every now and then. Your daughter seeing him drinking responsibley will help her learn what is acceptable behavior and that you don't have to get drunk to have a good time.
I think over time if you keep telling him that he can't drink at home at all, he eventually just won't want to come home. Chances are if you had such a horrible experience going up with your dad you probably chose your man because he isn't the same as your dad. I wouldn't treat him as such.
bluebunnybabe
by Member on Jul. 12, 2013 at 11:32 AM
1 mom liked this
There is a big difference between having a few beers & being abusive. I think you are jumping the gun on being upset although I can understand why.
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