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I NEED ADVICE !!!

Posted by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:27 PM
  • 23 Replies
I am fed up with my husband! First off, we're together for 6 years and married for almost 2 years. Most of those years has been hell! My inlaws don't like me or don't approve of me because I'm black and I'm not loud and disrespectful like them. They allow cousins to fight with each other and laugh like its funny...IT IS NOT! They want things their way or no way and thats not going to happen. They have disrespected me in many many ways and I have had it! My FIL and my SIL even told my husband that he should do a DNA test for our 1st son! The worst part is that my husband whom I love does not defend me at all and it heartbreaking, frustrating and embarassing. Most of the time, they talk behind my back but to my face they have nothing to say. I am a quiet person and I was raised well so I know how to avoid problems and I know how to act. I choose not to involve myself in gossip conversations and I choose to keep to myself as well as choose who to be friends with. Thats just me and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. My husband is unfair! There were times that I defended him. I even went months without talking to my brother because he disrespected him and he can't do the same for me! The next thing is, he smokes weed and we're having money problems these days. He spends 10 dollars after 10 dollars and does not regret it. We have 2 sons and possibly a daughter on the way! We don't need to be spending money that we don't NEED to spend. We are poor! We need to save money! I don't work and my husband lost his job 2 months ago. I've tried arguing, constant talking, nagging.. IT DOES NOT WORK. I feel hopeless and betrayed. I want to give up on our marriage completely and NEVER look back. I'm just tired and the only joy in my life is my 2 beautiful sons. I need advice please!
*****Thankyou ladies for all your helpful advice! There are many things that happened in ´╗┐the past months. I had a major arguement with my SIL and I made sure that I told her that I'm done with her shit. It felt great! We moved to Florida for 9 months and my husband stopped smoking and our relationship has grown a lot, I lost the baby but month later became pregnant with my now 6 month old baby boy. My husband and I went through ots of ups and downs but so far we are making it. Questions or more advice is always welcome.
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by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luvmybug
by Amanda on Sep. 5, 2013 at 5:30 PM
3 moms liked this
I'm sorry to hear this. Your husband obviously doesn't have much respect for you. *hugs* if it were me, I would try counseling before it gets worse, or the relationship will possibly end.
Bulldog-Mommy10
by New Member on Sep. 5, 2013 at 6:40 PM
2 moms liked this
He's definitely being disrespectful on a couple levels - I agree on the counseling suggestion - there are community counseling places that will take your financial situation into consideration.
amonkeymom
by Amy on Sep. 5, 2013 at 7:43 PM

 Yes, I agree with this.

Quoting luvmybug:

I'm sorry to hear this. Your husband obviously doesn't have much respect for you. *hugs* if it were me, I would try counseling before it gets worse, or the relationship will possibly end.

 

jchu68
by on Sep. 5, 2013 at 9:57 PM

Counselling with an objective person is often the best way to go

mskeeinmd
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 11:13 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.  You have to start taking control of the situations you can control. You can control how his family treats you.  Inlaws - Tell him and tell his family, I will not tolerate being disrespected.  I expect the same level that I give you or you will not be welcome in our home and I will not go to your home.  Tell them if they believe your children our not theirs, they don't need to be  a part of their lives, but that grandparents love their grandchildren without fail or belief that they're being passed on to their blood line.  Hubby -  Multiple issues - (1) not defending you - The Bible says that when a man marries that he leaves his family and cleaves to his wife.  He vowed to honor and protect you and that includes standing up to his disrespectful relatives.  Tell him that if he can't do that, let you know because he and his family are about to experience a rude awakening.  (2) Weed - If you find this acceptable then you have to sit and bare it.  If he started smoking after you two got married and you had no idea then you need to tell him he needs help.  Control the money.  Manage the finances in your home and don't allow him to do so in front of you and the children.  If he's been smoking all along, you have allowed this behavior so he is probably wondering why you care now?  How you start something is how you will probably finish it. However, you need to focus on your children and making plans to be a single parent if it comes to that. As someone who is separated and divorcing, I will tell you that this situation is hell.  It was easier to stay in an unhappy marriage with him than fighting with him over every little thing.  Co-parenting is an uphill battle especially if you leave.  He will make it difficult for you.

Mrs.Tirado
by Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 4:55 PM
Thanks for your wonderful advice. I agree with u that I should start making plans to be a single mom. When me and hubby first met he never smoked, he only drank a little on occasions. He started smoking a year before we got married and I never tolerated it. We got in to many arguements about it until he stopped. Last year for his birthday he decided to smoke a "joint" as "celebration" and before he did it I told him that if he started again he'll not be able to stop and he'll get addicted. As usual, he did not listen so now he's an weed addict and I'm suffering. The hardest part of it all is that I love him so deeply and I have a hard time leaving him. I feel like I'm gonna have to leave him but in my heart I don't want to. Its only because I love him so much and he's a great dad to our boys. MORE ADVICE PLEASE. I want to know how to have the power to leave someone u love because its the right thing to do.


Quoting mskeeinmd:

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.  You have to start taking control of the situations you can control. You can control how his family treats you.  Inlaws - Tell him and tell his family, I will not tolerate being disrespected.  I expect the same level that I give you or you will not be welcome in our home and I will not go to your home.  Tell them if they believe your children our not theirs, they don't need to be  a part of their lives, but that grandparents love their grandchildren without fail or belief that they're being passed on to their blood line.  Hubby -  Multiple issues - (1) not defending you - The Bible says that when a man marries that he leaves his family and cleaves to his wife.  He vowed to honor and protect you and that includes standing up to his disrespectful relatives.  Tell him that if he can't do that, let you know because he and his family are about to experience a rude awakening.  (2) Weed - If you find this acceptable then you have to sit and bare it.  If he started smoking after you two got married and you had no idea then you need to tell him he needs help.  Control the money.  Manage the finances in your home and don't allow him to do so in front of you and the children.  If he's been smoking all along, you have allowed this behavior so he is probably wondering why you care now?  How you start something is how you will probably finish it. However, you need to focus on your children and making plans to be a single parent if it comes to that. As someone who is separated and divorcing, I will tell you that this situation is hell.  It was easier to stay in an unhappy marriage with him than fighting with him over every little thing.  Co-parenting is an uphill battle especially if you leave.  He will make it difficult for you.


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Lindalou907
by Bronze Member on Sep. 6, 2013 at 10:22 PM

Have you considered moving far away from his family, someplace where he can find work, like N. Dakota? And then get yourselves into couples counseling it can really help, I know you don't have any extra money but most towns have it available on a sliding scale or free. I can't help you with the pot smoking, he's clearly addicted. My husband is an alcoholic so I feel your pain. Nagging won't work.

suziSunshine678
by Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 5:54 AM

dear mrs. tirado -

i'm sorry to say that your husband looks more that villain than his very stupid (maybe the first time i have ever used that word) family - it sounds that to me that you are the only one in that family that has anything going for her -

 your husband smokes weed? honey, you need to lose that guy - he should never, ever disrespect you or not stand up for you - he is a gutless, sorry excuse of a husband  using his money for his own pleasure when he should be using it for his family -

i have not heard you say one positive thing about him - he is very bad news

you seem to be such a smart and loving person who has her head screwed on tightly, lose this guy - you deserve   far better  in life - a helpmate who will love you and treat you with respect and love and also his partner in life -

i hope i haven't offended you - i ruly did not mean to - you just come off as a lady with such class who does deserve much more in in life than you have been dealt -

my heart goes out to you - hugssuziSunshine

Mrs.Tirado
by Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 10:02 AM
Thanks for the advice and no, you did not offend me at all.


Quoting suziSunshine678:

dear mrs. tirado -


i'm sorry to say that your husband looks more that villain than his very stupid (maybe the first time i have ever used that word) family - it sounds that to me that you are the only one in that family that has anything going for her -


 your husband smokes weed? honey, you need to lose that guy - he should never, ever disrespect you or not stand up for you - he is a gutless, sorry excuse of a husband  using his money for his own pleasure when he should be using it for his family -


i have not heard you say one positive thing about him - he is very bad news


you seem to be such a smart and loving person who has her head screwed on tightly, lose this guy - you deserve   far better  in life - a helpmate who will love you and treat you with respect and love and also his partner in life -


i hope i haven't offended you - i ruly did not mean to - you just come off as a lady with such class who does deserve much more in in life than you have been dealt -


my heart goes out to you - hugssuziSunshine


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Mrs.Tirado
by Member on Sep. 7, 2013 at 10:22 AM
We have considered moving. I want to move in the summer but we was planning to move at my mothers in florida. I'll research N Dakota


Quoting Lindalou907:

Have you considered moving far away from his family, someplace where he can find work, like N. Dakota? And then get yourselves into couples counseling it can really help, I know you don't have any extra money but most towns have it available on a sliding scale or free. I can't help you with the pot smoking, he's clearly addicted. My husband is an alcoholic so I feel your pain. Nagging won't work.


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