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easy being mom or dad??

Posted by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:58 PM
  • 136 Replies
I know there are good moms and dad's out there but which do you think gets off easier. I know dads don't have to be in their kids life. They have an option whereas us moms have go deal with it or we look like monsters..don't get me wrong I love being a mom. I love taking care of my family. Just curious as to what you might have to say abou
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 8:58 PM
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Melissa_anne
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 1:23 AM
5 moms liked this

i guess it depends on the person.  DH has it easy.  He doesn't have to deal with all of DD's stuff as much as i do.  I help with majority of the homework, he has her read sometimes.  I do all the bathing and take her to piano lessons and do laundry and choose clothes for the next day.  When DH and I are home in the mornings when she has school (we both work crazy schedules and diff days off all the time) I get up with DD and get her ready for school, he probably does it 3 times a month and thats because I am at work the days he does it. 

I have a friend who's wife does hardly anything for the kids.  He does everything, plus he cooks and cleans and has a full time job. 

so really it depends on the person and the relationship they have with the other parent

annelauer
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 1:50 AM
76 moms liked this
I have always thought being a dad would be a great gig. All the credit, and ultimately none of the responsibility. It seems that anything a father does for his child is somehow an extra something that wasn't his responsibility. For example: It's "just so sweet" and "so amazing" that my husband took our daughter to dance. But is it so sweet and so amazing that I've been doing it for 5 years and shuttle the rest of our kids around too? Nope. It's my obligation. I'm "so lucky" that my husband cooked dinner one night last week. But is he so lucky that I cook for our family about 360 days per year? Nope. It's expected. How great it must be to be treated as if you've earned a medal anytime you lift a finger for your family. I get that not every family works exactly the same, but when was the last time you were stopped in the grocery store by strangers to be told you're such a sweetheart for doing the shopping with a kid in the cart? I'm guessing never, unless you're a dad. Our society definitely has a warm, fuzzy spot for men who accomplish even the most basic tasks with their families. I appreciate my husband's help, but I think the magnitude of societal admiration for men being even quasi-decent parents is a bit over the top.
browncoat
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 1:53 AM
3 moms liked this

Different challenges, at least in our family. I work full time and do 98% of taking care fo my son, but it's because my husband works about double my hours (70-90 a week usually). It's not a choice he gets to make, and I know it weighs on him that he isn't home as much as we all want him to be, plus his job is much more demanding than mine. 

I guess if I take a step back and look at it, I would rather be in my role than his, which seems like it means that he has it harder. 

eSamsMama
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 2:16 AM
2 moms liked this
My kids bio mom walked away from them at 4 and 5 years old. DH moved out of their home with the kids (making her homeless) and was a renting rooms from my parents when I met him. I've always admired his commitment to our children, 11 years and 2 more kids later.
samsanders
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 2:26 AM
5 moms liked this
I think it's equally difficult. That being said it really just depends on each couples situation.

Yes the dad doesn't have to be apart of the kids life but neither does the mom. And if one decides not to be there they both look like monsters. I know single parents that are moms and that are dads.

In my situation it'll be difficult for me because I'll be a SAHM so I'll be home with him all day every day. And it'll be difficult for DH because he will be gone bringing home the money to take care of us. In a healthy relationship neither the man or woman gets off "easier". You work as a team.
samsanders
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 2:30 AM
Well then that's society's fault and not his. It is sad that's how people view it though. However if he is working to bring home the money for you then he deserves a ton of credit. And so do you for taking care of those kids!!


Quoting annelauer:

I have always thought being a dad would be a great gig. All the credit, and ultimately none of the responsibility. It seems that anything a father does for his child is somehow an extra something that wasn't his responsibility. For example: It's "just so sweet" and "so amazing" that my husband took our daughter to dance. But is it so sweet and so amazing that I've been doing it for 5 years and shuttle the rest of our kids around too? Nope. It's my obligation. I'm "so lucky" that my husband cooked dinner one night last week. But is he so lucky that I cook for our family about 360 days per year? Nope. It's expected. How great it must be to be treated as if you've earned a medal anytime you lift a finger for your family. I get that not every family works exactly the same, but when was the last time you were stopped in the grocery store by strangers to be told you're such a sweetheart for doing the shopping with a kid in the cart? I'm guessing never, unless you're a dad. Our society definitely has a warm, fuzzy spot for men who accomplish even the most basic tasks with their families. I appreciate my husband's help, but I think the magnitude of societal admiration for men being even quasi-decent parents is a bit over the top.

sdunaway08
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 2:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Dads who "dont deal" with their kids look like monsters too...

As for who has it harder/easier....I guess it all just depends on what you consider to be hard/easy. I'm a SAHM and DH works a very laborous oil field job (130 hrs every two weeks on average). I change about 99% of the diapers, I usually do all the feedings, bedtimes, bathtimes, and anything else that a 10 month old needs around the clock. I also do 90% of housework, cooking, shopping, yard work and any maintenance to our home that I can. But, DH swings a sledge hammer hundreds of times a day, climbs up a well head to "rig up" his unit, operates a unit for 8hrs straight (without breaks or lunch) then has to drive hours back to the shop before his work day is complete (if he gets to come home at all). He also still manages to make time for our family. He is exhausted at the end of his day (I am too, but mines more mental than physical) but still gets down in the floor to play with our daughter and do anything I could not accomplish on my own.

So...I guess it all depends on what you consider is hard/easy....

annelauer
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 2:36 AM
2 moms liked this
I never said it was anyone's fault, certainly not his, just that it would be a great gig. And why do you assume he's the only one working to bring home money? Maybe your assumption gets to the root of the imbalance...


Quoting samsanders:

Well then that's society's fault and not his. It is sad that's how people view it though. However if he is working to bring home the money for you then he deserves a ton of credit. And so do you for taking care of those kids!!




Quoting annelauer:

I have always thought being a dad would be a great gig. All the credit, and ultimately none of the responsibility. It seems that anything a father does for his child is somehow an extra something that wasn't his responsibility. For example: It's "just so sweet" and "so amazing" that my husband took our daughter to dance. But is it so sweet and so amazing that I've been doing it for 5 years and shuttle the rest of our kids around too? Nope. It's my obligation. I'm "so lucky" that my husband cooked dinner one night last week. But is he so lucky that I cook for our family about 360 days per year? Nope. It's expected. How great it must be to be treated as if you've earned a medal anytime you lift a finger for your family. I get that not every family works exactly the same, but when was the last time you were stopped in the grocery store by strangers to be told you're such a sweetheart for doing the shopping with a kid in the cart? I'm guessing never, unless you're a dad. Our society definitely has a warm, fuzzy spot for men who accomplish even the most basic tasks with their families. I appreciate my husband's help, but I think the magnitude of societal admiration for men being even quasi-decent parents is a bit over the top.


samsanders
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 2:51 AM
I was giving you both credit that's all. Sorry just how your comment was stated it sounded like you were a stay at home mom and that he worked. I was actually agreeing with you completely that's why I said it's sad how society views it. I never said anything that was against you. I was completely supporting your comment.


Quoting annelauer:

I never said it was anyone's fault, certainly not his, just that it would be a great gig. And why do you assume he's the only one working to bring home money? Maybe your assumption gets to the root of the imbalance...




Quoting samsanders:

Well then that's society's fault and not his. It is sad that's how people view it though. However if he is working to bring home the money for you then he deserves a ton of credit. And so do you for taking care of those kids!!






Quoting annelauer:

I have always thought being a dad would be a great gig. All the credit, and ultimately none of the responsibility. It seems that anything a father does for his child is somehow an extra something that wasn't his responsibility. For example: It's "just so sweet" and "so amazing" that my husband took our daughter to dance. But is it so sweet and so amazing that I've been doing it for 5 years and shuttle the rest of our kids around too? Nope. It's my obligation. I'm "so lucky" that my husband cooked dinner one night last week. But is he so lucky that I cook for our family about 360 days per year? Nope. It's expected. How great it must be to be treated as if you've earned a medal anytime you lift a finger for your family. I get that not every family works exactly the same, but when was the last time you were stopped in the grocery store by strangers to be told you're such a sweetheart for doing the shopping with a kid in the cart? I'm guessing never, unless you're a dad. Our society definitely has a warm, fuzzy spot for men who accomplish even the most basic tasks with their families. I appreciate my husband's help, but I think the magnitude of societal admiration for men being even quasi-decent parents is a bit over the top.



gee18
by on Nov. 8, 2013 at 3:10 AM
2 moms liked this
I believe dad has it easier, I have done everything for my dd since day one with no real help, I've only had like maybe 2 times where I had time to myself but all dad has to do is provide, he's maybe changed and feed DD three times since she was born I expect so much more from him without having to ask or force him to anything... while I'm at home taking care of our littlw one he goes out, parties be with friends and god knows what else, he should be spending all that free time with our DD it makes me angry...
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