OK....so this is a sad post but currently right now I have no one to talk to about it and I just need to get it out...
Back in October, I had to put my 13 year old cat down. She had stopped eating and was losing weight. Upon taking her to the vet, it was discovered that she had a lump in her stomach (more than likely a tumor) and was showing signs of kidney failure. She was also starting to throw up a really dark looking stuff (vet said it was probably blood) and the only thing that could help would have been stomach surgery....but only after running approx $600 in tests to see what exactly was wrong so they would know what to look for. There was no way I had that kind of money and I knew while I was in the process of getting it, she would be slowly starving to death. I couldn't imagine my little baby starving and suffering like that so I chose to have her put down.
Immediately after (and even now) I felt a tremendous amount of guilt...I felt like I didn't do everything possible to help her. I didn't ask the vet if he would do a payment plan or anything. I feel like I killed her. I ended her life before it was her time.I stayed with her the whole time and was petting her through it. But I didn't actually say goodbye, I didn't tell her I loved her, I didn't tell her what was going to happen. I was so upset and crying that my mind just didn't work. Now I can't go back and redo it and I just feel soooooo bad!!
I can't shake this feeling. Everyone has told me I did a good thing and I spared her more pain, but I just can't see it that way. I feel so bad I just don't know how to stop blaming myself and get over this!
Sorry this is so sad and depressing, I was looking through old pictures and found the last one I took of her and I just started bawling :'(