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Sex.

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2014 at 11:58 PM
  • 19 Replies

Not the fun kind either. The kind done out of guilt. My husband and I haven't had sex in weeks. We moved into separate bedrooms. In hopes that he'd go work on himself and I could do the same, we never hammered out the sex part. . . I figured he could just relieve himself and I can go without :/

its just not important to me, but it's VERY to him.....

in fromt of the kids tonight, before he left for the gym, he threatened that he is contemplating acting out on the fantasy of being with other women, and has been for a while now. 

I dunno what to do. I'm not going to have sex out of guilt anymore and certainly not if I'm being threatened! I need WAY more than sex from a man in a marriage right now...

any advice?

by on Mar. 18, 2014 at 11:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Lavie74
by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 12:03 AM
3 moms liked this

 I can tell you, not to be mean but in honesty, if you won't have sex with him he will go have sex with someone else. It will most likely eventually end your marriage. Intimacy is a huge part of a marriage relationship. Maybe you guys should try some marriage counciling and work on some things to help you feel close again so maybe you would enjoy making love to him and him to you.

mrscampbell421
by Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 12:06 AM

I know :( you're right. . . I'm just missing so much more in this relationship. It's effing sad! I'm not being fulfilled emotionally/mentally. Matter a fact, I'm being completely ignored in that dept. 

also, ok I have endometriosis. Sex is super painful for me. . . . He doesn't respect that!

Quoting Lavie74:

 I can tell you, not to be mean but in honesty, if you won't have sex with him he will go have sex with someone else. It will most likely eventually end your marriage. Intimacy is a huge part of a marriage relationship. Maybe you guys should try some marriage counciling and work on some things to help you feel close again so maybe you would enjoy making love to him and him to you.


Lavie74
by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 12:13 AM
2 moms liked this

 Endometriosis is very painful....I sympathsize. I also uderstand what it is like to not have your mental/emotional needs met. Maybe counciling will help you guys come together mentally and emotionally. Go out on a date and just have fun together. Talk to your gyn about how they can help you with thepain during sex and also maybe certain positions or technique change if you will can help you enjoy intimacy with him again. You never know...working through this might bring you guys closer together than ever before.....best f luck...:)

Quoting mrscampbell421:

I know :( you're right. . . I'm just missing so much more in this relationship. It's effing sad! I'm not being fulfilled emotionally/mentally. Matter a fact, I'm being completely ignored in that dept. 

also, ok I have endometriosis. Sex is super painful for me. . . . He doesn't respect that!

Quoting Lavie74:

 I can tell you, not to be mean but in honesty, if you won't have sex with him he will go have sex with someone else. It will most likely eventually end your marriage. Intimacy is a huge part of a marriage relationship. Maybe you guys should try some marriage counciling and work on some things to help you feel close again so maybe you would enjoy making love to him and him to you.

 

 

marchantmom06
by Bronze Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 12:19 AM
If you refuse him sex, sooner or later he will step out and find some somewhere. You have to make an effort to fulfill his needs if you want him to fulfill yours. It's not a one way street.
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143myboys9496
by Suzzanne on Mar. 19, 2014 at 9:12 AM

These ladies are right, eventually he'll go outside of the marriage for sex. But I also agree with you about guilt sex. Same for you..your needs aren't being met in this marriage. While you may say "I wouldn't with another man" it doesn't have to be physical to be an affair. Many a marriage has ended because of emotional affairs. 

Counseling is a great idea. If he won't go, go yourself. 

I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope things get better for you. ((hugs))

happynewyorker
by Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Would u consider other options on the sex? 

 

sashamom03
by New Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 10:32 AM
There is more to a relationship than just sex. Marriage is not just based on sex. It's a partnership. Including pleasure for both husband and wife. If there are problems such as arguing all the time. No communication such as talking things out and compromising (not talking about sex). It could be both of you may not want to be with each other anymore.
WatermelonP
by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 10:53 AM

You are perfectly entitled not to have sex with him. He is perfectly entitled to end the relationship over that if he wants to.

If you don't want the relationship to end you will both need to compromise. You need to decide what is preventing you wanting sex with your husband and decide if you are willing to work on those issues or not. Then whatever you decide communicate it to him so he can make his decision about whether or not he wants to work on it with you. Only if both of you decide to work on it can you continue, anything else is going to lead to disaster.

cjsmom1
by Silver Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 10:08 PM

You guys need to go to counseling to work on the issues that you're having. It's hard to have sex with someone when you feel negatively about them. You also need to see a doctor and find out what can be done for you.

It sounds like he plans on using you not having sex with him as an excuse to cheat.

lisahappymom
by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 10:49 PM

My sex drive is low too so I can relate.  However, no hubby should threaten you into having sex!!! That's horrible, and quite unromantic!  You poor thing!  I'm so sorry to hear that your hubby would say that.  It's as though he's stating, "If I have an affair, it's your fault!"  I hope your able to approach him to talk about your reactions to what he said.  If you don't feel comfortable doing it on your own, would you consider seeing a marriage counselor?

By the way, I do not agree that if you don't have sex with him that he will seek it elsewhere.  Most men having affairs are still having sex with their wives.  Any man who breaks a marriage vow is doing it because of his lacking morals and lacking committment to his wife, not because of anything his wife has done.

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