by Jill Smokler
Kids. It's a good thing we love them so much because, man, can they be assholes.
This is a picture my son drew of me last year. Not just any picture ... it was supposed to be a realistic portrait. A glimpse of how he saw me.
I'm not sure I've completely recovered yet.
Between that, the way my daughter questions my clothing choices, the pointing out of every line on my face ... it's a wonder I have the confidence to leave the house.
I asked my friends to share some feedback their kids gave them, and it turns out I'm not alone. Here are some of their most recent insults ...
1. "Go put your makeup on. I don't like your face like that."
2. While playing with my bra, my daughter said: "Mama, when I get bigger, my boobs are going to be up like this ... not down like yours."
3. Getting ready for date night with husband when my son tells me, "I like your makeup. You look like batman!" I was attempting a smokey eye.
4. "Mommy! You look pretty! And I'm not even tricking you this time!"
5. "Your breath makes me want to throw up."
6. "Mom, your boobs are lazy, they are always laying down."
7. "I know where something yellow is! Your teeth!"
8. My 4-year-old went through a phase a while back where she decided to give everyone cute animal names. Her baby brother was "little chicken." Her dad was "brown bear." And me? "Hippo mommy!"
9. My son reminded me one evening before I got in the shower to not forget to shave like Daddy. My whiskers were scratching him when I kissed him.
10. "If there's no baby in there, why does your tummy look like that?"
Has your kid insulted you lately?