by Mary Fischer
Ugh. Can we please just go ahead and finish this school year already? I'm over it. Like all of it. The rushed mornings. The ridiculous busy work that is better known as homework. And for the love of God -- can we please cool it with PTO fundraisers and all that jazz now that there's only a month to go?
School has really become such a drag ... though it didn't start out that way when we sent the kiddos off in the fall.
We were all rock star moms back then. Now it's pretty safe to say we've turned into a bunch of lazy, borderline shitty parents.
May I present -- a comparison of just how much moms change from the beginning of the school year to the end ...
Beginning: You send your child off to school in a freshly
pressed pair of khaki pants, a collared polo shirt, and brand new sneakers that
have never so much as stepped on one blade of grass.
End: Shit. You forgot to do laundry this week. You pick up something off his bedroom floor and give it the sniff test. If it passes, he's good to go. Flip-flops are perfectly fine. Oh, and bonus points if you can even find his shoes.
Beginning: You plan the week's lunch menus in advance and
make sure to stock the fridge and pantry full of fresh, organic food that will
nourish and sustain your wonderful kiddos so they can reach their full learning
End: You run after your kids as they're about to hop on the bus while digging change out of your pocket. You tell 'em they can always just buy the alternate lunch of cereal and milk if they don't like whatever hot meal is being served. Vending machine fare is fair game too.
Beginning: You walk your child out to the bus stop every
single morning and send him off with a kiss and a wave. Then you wait for the
bus to disappear from sight before heading back inside.
End: You shuffle him out the door in between declarations of, "Hurry up ... you're gonna miss the bus!" And then the minute you see a hint of yellow, you swiftly turn around and run back inside so you can get back to your coffee maker as soon as possible.
Beginning: You make a homework chart to ensure that each
night's assignments are perfectly organized and completed accordingly. There is
no playing outside, TV, or any other sort of activity allowed until homework is
End: Homework? She still has homework? Eh. She can do it in the morning before school. And if she forgets? Who the hell cares? You'll just write her a note saying the dog ate it. The teacher should understand.
Beginning: You diligently mark your calendar the minute you
learn the dates of Family Reading Night, Family Math Night, and every other
school event. You don't want to miss a beat. These are your kids, for crying out
loud. They mean the world to you and you want to be fully involved in their
End: You open your child's backpack and immediately yell, "Fu*%! They're sponsoring a family book club now? I don't have time for that shit."
Beginning: You plan all sorts of fun activities and crafts
for your kids to do once their homework is complete. You want them to stay
engaged at all times so their creativity can flourish.
End: You're all, "Get the hell outside unless it's pouring rain! And don't come back in until dinner's ready! Okay, fine. Watch the damn TV if that's what you want to do. I don't care."
Beginning: Bedtime is at 8 p.m. sharp. No exceptions. No
arguments. No nothin'. Just sleep.
End: What? ABC Family is featuring a Harry Potter marathon? You bust out the popcorn popper and pile onto the couch with the kids. They can always catch up on their rest this weekend. Or better yet ... they can sleep as long as they want all summer!
(Just admit it. You're a total slacker right now too.)
Have you turned into a lazy mom now that school is almost over?