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So confused & dont know what to do! (long)

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2014 at 5:21 AM
  • 17 Replies
So i have been with my bf for 3 almost 4 years, we have had a rocky relationship in the past & have grown so much better. I am heartbroken at what has happen and im just not sure what i should do and where i should go from here.

My bf, my daughter and i were outside our apt & i happen to have his pbone while he was playing with our LO. He phone gets a message saying "maybe tomorrow", now he is buiness for himself and has a ton of friends so i automatically thought it was a friend or maybe work related. But then being a woman my jealously kicked in, so i text the number back "what" an the replay was "i cant come down today maybe tomorrow. No ride" and i then ask who it was and she says "alisha" and i just felt my heart break in 2.

I then ask him about it and he say he didnt know who it was or blah blah blah so i call the number and sure enough its a girl she said he had been calling and texting her all day asking to come meet him and he would give her money, she did say they had never met before and he got her number from a friend.

He says yeah i was going to fuck her so what, you dont give me shit so i have to find it! He said did you not hear her we havent event met i havent cheated on you. I have never distrusted him in this area, im just confused on if i should believe him, forgive him or forget him. We have 3 kids and i love him and i would hate for my babies to be without a dad.

I just need help, advice or something! Sorry for it being long & please no bashing!
by on Jun. 20, 2014 at 5:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goldilocksbecky
by on Jun. 20, 2014 at 6:39 AM
5 moms liked this

The fact that he has a "so what" attitude and doesn't think he did anything wrong tells you everything you need to know.  This isn't (and won't be) a one time thing.  This is a whole attitude/way of thinking. 

Even if he has issues with things in your relationship (and it sounds like he does), a man worth having would work on fixining those problems/your relationship . . . no run off and cheat.

Thelmama
by Thelma on Jun. 20, 2014 at 8:47 AM

Sorry you are going through this. If he feels neglected or what not in the relationship it is not an excuse to go searching elsewhere without talking to you and/or working it out. 

143myboys9496
by Suzzanne on Jun. 20, 2014 at 10:38 AM
1 mom liked this

This exactly:

I can't tell you how many times in our 23years my dh has whined over being...neglected. But he's never gone looking for it elsewhere. If he did, I'd have known, he's a horrific liar. 

Quoting goldilocksbecky:

The fact that he has a "so what" attitude and doesn't think he did anything wrong tells you everything you need to know.  This isn't (and won't be) a one time thing.  This is a whole attitude/way of thinking. 

Even if he has issues with things in your relationship (and it sounds like he does), a man worth having would work on fixining those problems/your relationship . . . no run off and cheat.


Noni2319
by Chrissy on Jun. 20, 2014 at 1:52 PM
2 moms liked this
I'm sorry. Planning to cheat is just as bad in my book. You have to decide what is best for you. Maybe the 2 of you could try counseling. Or you may be able to talk through it and work it out. Do what will best for the 2 of you. Don't make yourselves miserable staying together just for the kids, only do it if you can work through and be happy together.
LeapBaby123
by Kathleen on Jun. 20, 2014 at 11:41 PM
Yep, this. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy who made a one-time mistake and is genuinely sorry and wants to fix the relationship.

Quoting goldilocksbecky:

The fact that he has a "so what" attitude and doesn't think he did anything wrong tells you everything you need to know.  This isn't (and won't be) a one time thing.  This is a whole attitude/way of thinking. 

Even if he has issues with things in your relationship (and it sounds like he does), a man worth having would work on fixining those problems/your relationship . . . no run off and cheat.

cjsmom1
by Silver Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 1:37 AM
1 mom liked this

It doesn't sound like this is/was going to be a one time thing. You need to decide if this is something you can move past. If so the two of you need to seriously sit down and work on your relationship. If you're both not willing to put in the work needed to fix your relationship then things won't get better.

mom42guyz
by New Member on Jun. 21, 2014 at 10:26 AM
My opinion, it does not matter that they have not met,yet. From this point on, you will not be able to trust him when he is texting or going somewhere, because in the back of your mind you will wonder where he is or who he is talking to. This pretty much ruined the relationship and unless you are willing to live with an untrustworthy man, it is over..IMO
hayliedlr
by JoAnna on Jun. 21, 2014 at 7:32 PM

I agree with this

Quoting goldilocksbecky:

The fact that he has a "so what" attitude and doesn't think he did anything wrong tells you everything you need to know.  This isn't (and won't be) a one time thing.  This is a whole attitude/way of thinking. 

Even if he has issues with things in your relationship (and it sounds like he does), a man worth having would work on fixining those problems/your relationship . . . no run off and cheat.

I'm sorry for what you are going through

Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Jun. 22, 2014 at 1:47 PM

If he loves you, he would work on any problems y'all may have with you instead of looking for something else.  You don't deserve anyone but the best.  He is certainly not the best if he's wanting to cheat.  I'm sorry, but unless he is willing to work on your relationship with you and doesn't cheat, I'd drop him like a bad habit.  Good luck to you and your babies.  

virgoj3
by New Member on Jun. 23, 2014 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this

he told you he had never met her, then told you he was going to f$ck her?  This is supposed to be something you have to fix because you "never give him anything"????  If he was ready to sleep with someone he's never met and PAY for it - even if he said it was only gas/transportation money - you are dating a whore.  Shame on him for slutting around like that.  Get the hell out of that relationship.  If he is a good father then your kids will be fine.  If he's not a good father, then your kids will be better off for it.  Either way he is a SHITTY boyfriend.  Good luck to you and I hope you do what's right for you and your kids.

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