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Am I wrong, telling him to stick with it? (bit long, sorry)

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:12 PM
  • 24 Replies
1 mom liked this

My ods is in his last year of college (he just turned 20). The college he chose to attend is a for profit college, they do quarters and he's been going to school year round since he started in Sept 2012. (he gets breaks in between quarters about 7-10 days, longer at Christmas and summer). He's a Graphic Design major and went to a summer studio before choosing to apply here, fell in love with the school.

The quarter that ended in June, was a rough one. He  worked too much and his grades suffered. He failed a class, (not so much from working) but because he didn't understand the content (it was a web design class, and involved coding which isn't his thing, and didn't get helpful help from the instructor). Additionally he lost a job he liked because his boss didn't want to deal with his school schedule anymore. (he told ds, "I want to schedule people where and when I want to.").

He says instructors are leaving and he can barely find people working there. (not so sure how much of an exaggeration this is..but nevertheless)..the school was renting the 2nd and 3rd floors from a hospital, who has now, taken those floors back and the students have been moved to the basement. He's watched his friends who still live in dorms get bounced around for a year to 4 different living situations. (we got him an apt, 'off campus' because it was far cheaper than dorms.)

Ods, is pissed, disappointed, and wants to leave. This school functions in a  quarter system his classes are NON transferrable, so if he left he'd have to start all over from the beginning. We've got about $80-$85K in student loans, and he's scheduled to graduate next June. (he's got 4 qrtrs left inlcuding the one he just started)

I WANT to support him in this decision, his father and I can't financially support the decision. I had to cosign his loans.If he does leave he'll have to start over, we'll be adding another $80K to the existing loans. Not to mention he'll spend 6 years in college getting a 4 year degree. Additionally he just signed a lease on a new apt that won't end until Sept 2015. AND my yds is starting college in Sept.

He knew when he signed up for this school that the credits would NOT transfer. He's saying now, that he didn't know. I remember specifically telling him, "if you go here, you're committed, your credits won't transfer, not even the gen eds" he said "I really, really want to go here." He chose to go here, it was literally the only school he applied to.

This is what I've told him at this point. 

1. You knew the credits wouldn't transfer, if you want to transfer look into what if anything will transfer. Try the registrar's office.

2. You don't have to find a job. Focus on school for this quarter let's see where things are with the fall quarter and we'll go from there. (he's got 4 people asking him to make designs over and above his classes, these are things he can put in his portfolio, 2 are willing to pay him).

3. It's always toughest the last year into graduation. Hang in there. You're doing good work. My instincts say, in the end, you'll be happy you stuck it out.

I feel bad on one hand and on the other I kinda don't. Which makes me feel worse.  I can't suck up $85K in loans and say OK find another college. We've pulled money out of one of my retirement accts to pay downt the 2nd mortgage to refi the house and save money to be able to help him pay off student loans when he graduates and position ourselves to help our yds with his college needs.

Am I wrong? 



by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
hypersquirrel
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:07 PM
Maybe its time for him to go get a job and pay his own way. he is an adult no reason he can't work his way through school.
mysticalmalissa
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 5:49 AM
1 mom liked this

No, you're not wrong. He needs to finish it out. 

LeapBaby123
by Kathleen on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:28 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry you're in that position :( I think you're right with telling him to stick it out. Either that or he can financially support himself to start over. Which I'm assuming he won't want to do.
Thelmama
by Thelma on Jul. 24, 2014 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this

No you are not wrong. He will regret having to start over. He can do it even if it is tough.

Noni2319
by Chrissy on Jul. 24, 2014 at 1:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you're right, he should try to stick it out.
Momofmenagerie
by Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 1:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Absolutely,stick it out! It's one more year! We can all get through anything for a year.

Keep in mind, he could get passive aggressive by your stance though. ( not going to classes, purposefully not trying, withdrawing from classes.) so there needs to be a preemptive strike on that.

It can be done.
143myboys9496
by Suzzanne on Jul. 24, 2014 at 3:27 PM

The pre-emptive strike on that is I won't give him money anymore. I told him to just concentrate on school, forget the job, and I'd slide him some money every week. I don't think he'd skip class enough to fail. Even the class he failed he went to. He should have dropped it, but kept it because he was hoping he'd be able to "get it" and pass, at least with a D. 

Quoting Momofmenagerie: Absolutely,stick it out! It's one more year! We can all get through anything for a year. Keep in mind, he could get passive aggressive by your stance though. ( not going to classes, purposefully not trying, withdrawing from classes.) so there needs to be a preemptive strike on that. It can be done.


143myboys9496
by Suzzanne on Jul. 24, 2014 at 3:30 PM

Up until the end of June when he lost his job, he had been working, almost 35 hours a week (FAR too much for a kid doing 50 hours of school). Different jobs, but he'd been employed since about 3 or 4 months after starting school. He's always been a hard worker, and a good kid. Dh and I both agree that college is first, job is 2nd, partying is 3rd. 

Quoting hypersquirrel: Maybe its time for him to go get a job and pay his own way. he is an adult no reason he can't work his way through school.


Bonneata
by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 6:08 PM

You are not wrong. Please for the love of god and student loan repayment hell encourage your son to finish. It is not fair to stick you with $85 in student loan debt. I know my last year of college was tough but I still graduated. 

FrankMamma
by Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 10:24 PM

 My ds, 20, works full time days and takes anywhere from 12-16 credits at night at a state college, he lives on his own, we pay for college, car insurance and phone, everything else is on him. This is by his choice. He is not overly stressed. But everyone is different. Your son is feeling the pressure to graduate and do well and do it on time. It wouldn't be the end of the world if he graduated later, so he had a bit of a break, but I don't know how the payment schedule is structured for you. I'm sorry you had to get into so much debt with his education. If a school won't transfer credits its a red flag for me, there is usually a reason. I hope this is a reputable school and he will be able to get a good job after graduation. I think when graduation comes it will all have been worth it. Good Luck Mamma

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