Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The Lounge The Lounge

Was I wrong to make DH give up this friendship? Edit~

Posted by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 12:36 PM
  • 126 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Do you think I was wrong?

Options:

Yes. That friendship was between your husband and him.

Not at all. I would have done the same.


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 324

View Results

I remembered something! While I did tell dh that I didn't want him hanging around with Brian, later I gave in and told him he could see him just not at the house. That didn't last long because Brain had a roommate and wasn't allowed to have people over so hanging out was difficult. I thought that was odd. Then later on Dh told me that Brain would read his messages but not reply back. Even after I reminded dh of this he still insists that I ended the friendship but he doesn't really care. After we moved he even lost contact with Brandon too.

I came across my husband's old friend's FB page today (Brian). He had gotten married and dh's other friend (Brandon) was his best man. Dh started reminiscing about when he used to hang out with Brian and how he was a little upset when I ended the friendship.  This made me feel guilty. Dh doesn't have many friends and here I just took one away. But before I beat myself up too much, let me tell you why I ended it.

This happened about 6 years ago. Brian was a single dad with a 4 year old daughter Sophie. Our son Bubba was 3. They would come over all the time. Dh and Brian would hang out while the kids played. Everything was normally fine. But for two incidences. Once when Sophie was going to the bathroom, Bubba opened the door and looked at her. Brian flipped and started scolding our son about giving his daughter privacy, that he is to NEVER look at her while she's in the bathroom, ect, ect. I let that one pass because I knew how he was.

Brian was obsessed with his daughter. She was his life. No one could say anything ever to her without him losing it. He even said he wanted her to be a lesbian so no man would ever touch her. He was serious.

The last straw came one night the kids were playing in the room. Sophie came out crying. She had pushed Bubba and he hit her back. Immediately Brian starts screaming and violently gesturing at my 3 year old son, telling him never to touch his daughter again or he would hurt him. Then he grabbed his daughter and left. I was in shock. I didn't know what to say. Later on Brian apologized to me and Dh but the damage was done.

I told Dh that he is never allowed back to our home again and I didn't want him hanging out with him either. I told him that Brian didn't respect him if he felt comfortable enough to verbally abuse our child. He hemmed and hawed then I asked him if he thought Brian would be his friend if DH screamed in Sophie's face? He said, "I don't know." "Maybe." *Blank stare* I said dh would be picking his teeth up off the ground if he did that and he knows it. He stopped hanging out with him after that. 


by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 12:36 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 2:25 PM
1 mom liked this
My husband says he wants our daughters to be lesbians and is very protective of them as well. You should respect that he is protective of his daughter and imagine if it were your daughter, would you want a little boy watching her while she was in the bathroom or hitting her?? As a Mother I almost filed a police report on a kindergartener for the very same thing!
coronado25
by Member on Aug. 15, 2014 at 2:34 PM
7 moms liked this
Brian would not have had to scream at my son. I would have already given my son a swat on the behind and hauled him off for a good talking to in private and apologized to both Sophie and her fathet for my son's behavior.

Then Brian would only have to address Sophie about her having pushed my son for some reason.
blue_apalt
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 2:50 PM
9 moms liked this

I voted yes.  That said, I don't think you should have ended it but I do think you had a right to create boundaries.  I probably would have said No Brian and Sophie in our home or that we were to sit down with Brian and say 'this is our home and this is not acceptable" and seen how that went.   I don't think you should have demanded that they end it, but I do think you had ever right to not allow what was happening to continue.

offrdngal
by Terri on Aug. 15, 2014 at 2:52 PM
9 moms liked this
I would have been livid. His daughter shouldn't have put her hands on your son, to begin with. Both children should have been scolded, told to keep their hands to themselves. I'd be damned if my husband's "friend" would talk to my child that way. He would never be welcome in my home or near my child. I wouldn't have made my husband end the friendship. He would know what I thought if the guy and he would be told that if he wanted to hang out with him, I would not be present and neither would my child. It would be his choice to continue or discontinue the friendship.
AllieKat
by Member on Aug. 15, 2014 at 2:53 PM
15 moms liked this
He threatened to hurt a small child and screamed at, Bryan and his little princess can go to hell. Who the fuck acts like that? Fucking drama queen.
coronado25
by Member on Aug. 15, 2014 at 3:12 PM
3 moms liked this
Have to say that I love this website in that you can get a glimpse of the many ddifferent mindsets for a given situation.

I want to add that though I would have felt and acted differently than she in the same situation, that does not lead me to feel negatively toward her or place any judgement upon her own reaction and resolve.

I really love taking it all in! And it makes me better understand people in my day to day.

Thanks for sharinng, Paganbaby!
JENNlEPEPSl
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 3:45 PM
4 moms liked this

No honey, you were not wrong. I would have been livid. I wouldnt want my son to be around a man modeling that kind of behavior! 

Brian is assuring that when his daughter grows up, she will have no problem with allowing a man to treat her like garbage. 

anotherandree
by Inga on Aug. 15, 2014 at 3:50 PM
6 moms liked this
I completely agree that Brian would NOT be allowed in the house again. Ever. But, I would never force my husband to end a friendship, especially when it is easy to cut him out of YOUR life. What's good for one does NOT have to be good for both. Plus, in all honesty, by you not having Brian around you or the kids, the friendship would have probably ended anyway with your husband being upset and you questioning yourself.

What's past is past, though and there is no way to change it now.
acrogodess
by Lissette on Aug. 15, 2014 at 3:53 PM
6 moms liked this
I would have punched the man for screaming and cursing at my 3 yr old (son or daughter) when he is a guest in my home and he should have disciplined his much older daughter for putting her hands on a toddler.

Quoting MixedCooke: My husband says he wants our daughters to be lesbians and is very protective of them as well. You should respect that he is protective of his daughter and imagine if it were your daughter, would you want a little boy watching her while she was in the bathroom or hitting her?? As a Mother I almost filed a police report on a kindergartener for the very same thing!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Noni2319
by Chrissy on Aug. 15, 2014 at 4:08 PM
2 moms liked this
This Is a hard one. I think you should have had a talk with him about how his behavior is unacceptable and it's not his place to yell at/ discipline your son if you and or dh are around. (And then never leave your son with him) then if it happened again not have him around your children.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)