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Posted by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 4:30 AM
  • 11 Replies
Ok I have no clue where to post this so here it goes. Me and my ex husband have been divorced since 2010. We have 3 children together who are now 11, 10, and 6. We have 50/50 custody of our children which was great until last year. Well me and him are both 're married now but live 2 miles from eachother. Our schedule is one week at my house the next at his which works out fine for us and the kids. But last year my oldest who is my only boy decided he wanted to live just with his dad. Now mind you there are 3 other children at his dads who are his step siblings. I made him think long and hard about this decision he was making and he stuck to it. His reason is that he just wants to be with his dad. I was crushed at first but have come to terms with it and im ok now. Here's the problem. His dads wife now refuses to deal with my kids and is making his dad do it on his own and now my ex is harassing me about taking my son back. But here's the thing my son doesnt want to come back at all. I do however have him everyday after school until 8 pm on the weeks I have the other two to do homework. He is now threatening me if I dont go back to the original 50/50 schedule even though my son doesnt want that at all. Does anyone have any advice for me?
by on Aug. 26, 2014 at 4:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Chrissy on Aug. 26, 2014 at 9:44 AM

That's really unfortunate. It was good of you to respect your sons wishes, that must have been very hard. Have your ex tell your that he just can't stay with him full time and it has to be 50/50. Sit down with them both together.

by Suzzanne on Aug. 26, 2014 at 9:49 AM

You, your ex and your son need to sit down together and talk. However, I would talk between you and your ex first, about what to say. The last thing you want to happen is for your son to feel his dad doesn't want him. Which is what he'll feel. I would recommend counseling. Because being asked not to live with dad, will affect him...huge, and you don't want it coming out in his behavior. Which it will.

by New Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 5:28 PM
The thing is my ex and I cannot sit down and talk together. He is very mean to me and cannot control how he is so I've told him until he can get along with me I wont talk to him because im not going to be treated how I was when we were married. My son us in counseling and I feel so bad for him that his dad doesnt want him and thats the truth. He never wanted any of his kids but didnt want to pay child support so asked for 50/50. Im wondering if he can go to court and try to take custody away from me even after this is how its been for 4 years the same schedule? Should I go to court first and get a actual order
by Bronze Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 6:52 PM

No because until the age of 13 or 14 your son gets zero say.   Although I think this is wrong btw.  Your ex does not have to keep him there and can force you to follow the original agreement

by New Member on Aug. 26, 2014 at 11:12 PM
Thank you for your reply. I did talk to a lawyer today and basically he said the same thing. Even though its going to hurt my son terribly and I dont want my son to go through this he is going to have to know that his dad doesnt want him there anymore so he is going to force him to leave. So now it will be more therapy for my poor son when all he wanted was to have more time with his dad. I hope when the day comes that my other two make the decision to just live with me or him the same thing dont happen. If I could have full custody of all three I would I wish I didnt have to share..
by Silver Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 12:39 AM

It's terrible that your ex is doing this. Why did his wife all of a sudden change her mind? Is he a good parent when he has them? It's not fair but you need to tell your son the truth. Talk to his counselor beforehand and get their opinion on the best way to handle it. Your son is going to be hurt and will need lots of reassurance and time to accept this.

by New Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 3:47 AM
His wife is sick of doing everything. My ex is typically the non involved type he doesnt really take control and she was doing everything for all 6 kids and my ex was doing nothing and just expecting her to do all. And she got tired of it and told him to take care of his own kids. Which I cant blame her he is a very lazy person. Honestly I ask my kids what he does when their there and they say he play video games most of the time. So really nothing has changed with him he was exactly that way when we were together. I have been talking to my son and trying to easily break it to him. Ge is a very emotional child and I can already see the strain and stress its put on him.
by Silver Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 6:02 AM

Good luck, I have no advice.

by on Aug. 27, 2014 at 11:45 AM

I have no advice but how sad for your son and how good of you to respect your child's wishes. I think it's sad children's wishes are not respected when orders are being made, I think by a certain age, the wishes of the child should outweigh the parent. I would contact a lawyer, good luck!

by New Member on Aug. 27, 2014 at 9:36 PM
I have contacted a lawyer and unfortunately I cannot force his dad to keep him. Its just so sad for my son. I wish everyone would respect a child's wishes because in the end they are the only ones that matter. As long as the other parent has a stable environment and takes care of the kids I dont see a problem when kids decide they want to stay with one parent or the other.
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