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As hard as getting a divorce is

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:25 AM
  • 14 Replies

has your life changed in a positive way since separating? I know how emotionally draining and scary getting a divorce can be. I hate it and will be glad when it is over.

But these are my positives

I have gone back to school

I have friends that are mine, got friends back that I had been alienated from

I have lost weight

no longer have the stress in my life that I had

I have not had an anxiety attack since he has been out of my life

I am stronger

I am more me then I have been in 10 years

I am happy

 


by on Jun. 4, 2011 at 10:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
easinpc
by Silver Member on Jun. 4, 2011 at 5:08 PM

After my separation/divorce I realized how much he had drug me down and alot of my family and friends noticed the big change in me afterwards as well.  I was back to being who I really was before him.  I also was able to talk to one of my best friends again.  My ex hated him so being the good friend he was he told me that he wouldn't call me anymore but to know that if I ever needed him he would always be there for me.  So a few months after my ex and I split I sent him a christmas card with my phone number in it, not even knowing if he'd want to talk to me again (it had been almost a year and a half).  Well right after he got it he called me and we have been close friends ever since.

RLSMOM59
by on Jun. 5, 2011 at 3:00 PM

I watched Oprah's last show and she stated that you, as a person, cannot rely on another person to complete you, make you happy, be your stronger, etc. This is so true and it become more evidinet when facing adversity.

Although I don't have the same stress as I had being married, I have more financial stress, trying to make ends meets and keeping the girls in programs they were in before the seperation. I learned that I had to swollow my pride and ask for help. That was my biggest break-through and since then, I have managed to keep my sanitiy and the girls active.

The friends I had when I was married were mine but only through my children. Now I am making new friends and have let the others go. I see things differently but overall, I have learned to love myself again.

Glad you are able to complete things on your bucket list.

thomaste
by on Jun. 6, 2011 at 1:32 PM

As hard as this whole experience has been and I've only just started I keep telling myself I will be better in the end.  I have so far:

lost 35 lbs

regained friendships that I had lost

have seen in my sons happiness that wasn't there before

have looked into returning to school - that's the first step right?!

 

I'm looking for many more good things to happen.

KyliesMom5
by Member on Jun. 6, 2011 at 2:33 PM


Quoting thomaste:

As hard as this whole experience has been and I've only just started I keep telling myself I will be better in the end.  I have so far:

lost 35 lbs

regained friendships that I had lost

have seen in my sons happiness that wasn't there before

have looked into returning to school - that's the first step right?!


I'm looking for many more good things to happen.

It sounds like you are on the right track. I have had many ups and downs this past year but there have been more positives then negatives in the long run.  

Good luck with school! 

KyliesMom5
by Member on Jun. 6, 2011 at 2:35 PM


Quoting easinpc:

After my separation/divorce I realized how much he had drug me down and alot of my family and friends noticed the big change in me afterwards as well.  I was back to being who I really was before him.  I also was able to talk to one of my best friends again.  My ex hated him so being the good friend he was he told me that he wouldn't call me anymore but to know that if I ever needed him he would always be there for me.  So a few months after my ex and I split I sent him a christmas card with my phone number in it, not even knowing if he'd want to talk to me again (it had been almost a year and a half).  Well right after he got it he called me and we have been close friends ever since.

Thats great!  My family and friends noticed a huge differance in me as well. It has been the same for me being the person I was before him although I think I am even stronger then before. 

KyliesMom5
by Member on Jun. 6, 2011 at 2:43 PM

That is very true.  I have differant stresses now for sure but they are nothing like when I was with him. Alot of the "friends" I had when we were together were his. I had been alienated from many of mine.  I walked away from the marriage with one really good friend and then some from my old job. But I have an wonderful family that has been there through all of this. And I have gotten reaquainted with some old friends which has been nice. 

I think that has been a big thing for me as well learning to love myself again. I allowed him to do the things he did because he had me convinced of things that are not true. I doubted myself.  This past year has been a rollercoaster for sure but I have also learned a lot about myself. 

Quoting RLSMOM59:

I watched Oprah's last show and she stated that you, as a person, cannot rely on another person to complete you, make you happy, be your stronger, etc. This is so true and it become more evidinet when facing adversity.

Although I don't have the same stress as I had being married, I have more financial stress, trying to make ends meets and keeping the girls in programs they were in before the seperation. I learned that I had to swollow my pride and ask for help. That was my biggest break-through and since then, I have managed to keep my sanitiy and the girls active.

The friends I had when I was married were mine but only through my children. Now I am making new friends and have let the others go. I see things differently but overall, I have learned to love myself again.

Glad you are able to complete things on your bucket list.


cie
by Member on Aug. 24, 2015 at 11:09 AM
2 moms liked this

it is an up and down thing..sometime on top of the world and odd desparate hours that nobody sees...but

I have lost over 30 pounds

I have realized I am strong and I can make a way

if I want to stay in my PJ and watch movies on my day off I can

I dont have to worry about HIS TO DO lists anymore

There is a big wide world out there and if I want to go someplace quess what I CAN!!!

my boys are surviving this. I did not ruin there life by leaving there dad....

Corona0426
by Bronze Member on Aug. 24, 2015 at 11:39 AM
2 moms liked this
Haha, oh so much!
I'm independent. I got to buy my kids clothes for school (without hiding my student loan refunds to do so! It came out of MY paycheck!) I pay all my bills and have not had to ask my family for help financially even once (which was a very common occurrence during my marriage)
I haven't been kicked out and had to move back in with mom (I'm living in the same house and covering all the bills plus my attorney, even though he has stopped paying child support again after make two half payments).
I am dancing in my kitchen again (trust me this is BIG...you should try it!)
I am finding out who I am...and I'm happy about it!
I'm taking the kids to waterparks and to the movies (things I was never allowed to do)
My kids are happier and more relaxed than ever before
Breathing a huge sigh of relief here!
I probably come from a different marriage than most, but I can honestly say that since he's been gone, and since I had the guts to push forward and make him stay gone, I have never been happier!
cie
by Member on Aug. 24, 2015 at 1:13 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Corona0426: Haha, oh so much! I'm independent. I got to buy my kids clothes for school (without hiding my student loan refunds to do so! It came out of MY paycheck!) I pay all my bills and have not had to ask my family for help financially even once (which was a very common occurrence during my marriage) I haven't been kicked out and had to move back in with mom (I'm living in the same house and covering all the bills plus my attorney, even though he has stopped paying child support again after make two half payments). I am dancing in my kitchen again (trust me this is BIG...you should try it!) I am finding out who I am...and I'm happy about it! I'm taking the kids to waterparks and to the movies (things I was never allowed to do) My kids are happier and more relaxed than ever before Breathing a huge sigh of relief here! I probably come from a different marriage than most, but I can honestly say that since he's been gone, and since I had the guts to push forward and make him stay gone, I have never been happier!

I just have to agree about the dancing in your kitchen...when I was younger my girlfriends and I would sip wine play our 80's music and dance in my kitchen..we may be 50 but every one them cant wait to do that again once this is behind me.....:) your right it is a BIG thing!!!!

Goobergal
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2015 at 8:03 AM

Well I'm poor again.  LOL... And that makes me powerful. It makes me work harder and do more and not roll over.


I lost weight, gained back.  LOL... But it was empowering to be thin and find that men found me hot and beautiful after years of being an ugly house wife. And even a little chunky, I'm still hot.  LOL 


I am being a little more selfish and doing things for me.  I'd never done that.


I am back in graduate school doing what I was going to do 25 years ago.  And without a giant asshole being supportive but giving me guilt trips.


I have a gorgeous man who's all about family.  He's even tempered and generous and goofy.  All the good things that my ex never was.  


I am am amazing in bed when I was told I was cold and frigid.  And now I have a partner to match me.


I finally know what is wrong with me.  Why I was numb to life and had lost the joy, why I loved people and now I didn't.  It wasn't me.  It was being with him, sucking and draining me.  I'm back. 


My kids hurt, they have issues. Sure.  But they can be funny and snarky and sometimes disrespectful and not fear the massive beating.  They can mis step, but be themselves and the world doesn't become violent.  


I feel stressed beyond belief and yet oddly carefree, relevant, important, sensual and powerful.

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