Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

For Ladies that initiated the Divorce, I have a question

Posted by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:08 AM
  • 23 Replies

Does your STBX lay a constant guilt trip on you? Mine does constantly. "Ive given you 10 yr of my life and THIS is how you repay me" I understand his feelings and all, but I am firm on my decision. He keeps saying that my reasons aren't valid enough for Divorce.Well they're valid to me and honestly he's the one that said"you know what, I've had enough when you get back working, get out". He said this and then said "I said it in the heat of the moment". Honestly though I always wanted to Divorce for many,many years.I came out and said it a couple times, but him saying it at the beginning of this Month,set it in stone for me. Problem is every night he gets in from work he's trying to guilt me. I have zero guilt and he doesn't understand it.I don't have to stay Married if I don't want to. I hate living with him,being accountable to him,being his Sexual robot because Religion says that's what I'm supposed to do.I am done and I don't care anymore.How can I get him to understand that?

by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:08 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
easinpc
by Silver Member on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:36 AM

I would just flat out tell him that him trying to lay a guilt trip on you is not going to work and it will just have the reverse effect of what he is trying to accomplish.  Beyond that just ignore what he is saying and go on with your life.  If you are firm in your decision to end the marriage than I would recommend beginning the procedures and division or property/moving out.  Good luck!!

GraLauJon
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 10:42 AM

I have learned that you cant get anything across to them that they dont wanna hear. your words are falling on deaf ears. in the state i live in, you cant really contest it if someone wants a divorce. in other states, i have heard otherwise.  our marriage counselor told my H though, that if he didnt do something different he would end up divorced. he tries to guilt me too.  but he says that we shouldnt have been living apart for so long. that i should have taken him back like his sister did with her abusive H.  but he doesnt reflect on reality at all. its like he doesnt recognize his own actions.  so i told him that that would be giving him a free pass to come back and continue abusing me.   i know my stbx will never be happy. he refuses to.  but we gotta get off that roller coaster ride with them and live our lives in a healthy way.   start focusing on what you need to do.  b/c he will hold you back with him if you keep engaging in that convo with him.

ToxicAngel7
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 12:03 PM

thanks ladies for the advice

Tyler_mom1996
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 4:10 PM

Mine does I told him I would not discuss any of that with him we only needed to discuss diviosion of our property. As we didn't ;have kids together

 

1likeme
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 6:00 PM

I am dealing with the same thing.  I deal with it by refusing to speak with him as much as I can.  The two times he has spoken with me at length were very clarifying.  I now understand what he is using to justify himself and the fact that his manipulations know no bounds.  I only initiate contact via text message and if he calls fifty times I ignore it.  I will disconnect the phone and turn off my cell if need be.  I know what happened within our relationship.  I know how much I gave, compromised and accepted.  I also know no matter what he says I am done.  So at the end of the day his words don't matter unless we are speaking of the children.  That is the only area I care about and I will only discuss them in writting because he is to wishy washy.

ToxicAngel7
by on Sep. 14, 2011 at 11:06 PM

I know what you mean @1likeme. I can't wait until we can live separately.

froggynow3
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 8:17 AM

Mine still doesnt get it.. I have him living in the house still til next month hopefully. I cant wait for him to leave. He has gotten to a point where he feels that since I want out of the marriage after his 15month affair, that he doesnt have to help at home. No help with cooking, cleaning, trash, kids, NOTHING. He just sleeps all the time.. Good luck just keep telling him you are done til he gets it I guess

singlemotherof8
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 9:07 AM

My ex put the guilt trip on me for over 12 years. And it just wasn't for the divorce it was for everything. His health, what happened to him, a Saburban i rolled way back in the early part of 87 and just everything. I finally told him to knock it off and let it go. He would also talk to 2 of our children about it and they got annoyed with it. I am hoping there is an understanding now so that he doesn't bring it up anymore. I mean what has happened in the past is in the past and there is nothing we can do to change it.

sheka1
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 3:03 PM

 to be truthful, he probably has wanted out for years too and just don't want to admit.  You never know with men, they are so hard to figure out.  I don't see how you can still be in the same house with him.  Make him move.

ferrellmt
by on Sep. 15, 2011 at 8:24 PM


Quoting 1likeme:

I am dealing with the same thing.  I deal with it by refusing to speak with him as much as I can.  The two times he has spoken with me at length were very clarifying.  I now understand what he is using to justify himself and the fact that his manipulations know no bounds.  I only initiate contact via text message and if he calls fifty times I ignore it.  I will disconnect the phone and turn off my cell if need be.  I know what happened within our relationship.  I know how much I gave, compromised and accepted.  I also know no matter what he says I am done.  So at the end of the day his words don't matter unless we are speaking of the children.  That is the only area I care about and I will only discuss them in writting because he is to wishy washy.

HiToxic,

This is my deal, too. I just minimize my interactions with him as much as possible, but our D. is finalized...so we really don't have to interact except about the kids....its just that he is Still super angry, and he cannot be civil for more than a few minutes...shameful, really.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)