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It's been 8 months

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:52 AM
  • 23 Replies

 Today is 8 months since my stbx walked out on me and our two teenagers.  No notice, no warning, just gone.  I have such mixed emotions.  On one hand I'm heartbroken, sad for my kids, frustrated about the legal stuff, angry about the financial mess he left me, etc.  But I'm beginning to realize how dysfuntional our family life is and my teens have even made comments on how we are living better since their dad left.  Has anyone else had these mixed emotions?

 

shrugging

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GraLauJon
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:35 AM

yeah. its the emotional vs the logical sides of your brain at war with each other.  picking up the pieces can be more complicated than you would think. the part i hate is all the financial and material stuff.  that is the part i am not good at. learning the laws too.   my stbx is a genius at that part and he knows i am not so he keeps trying to pull the wool over my eyes. my atty was not helpful at all. he only wanted money and only got me one order thru the court.  i fired him and have been trying to figure stuff out on my own.  i dont qualify for legal aide, so no help there.  then i have my days where i am just really sad and feeling let down. then im disgusted. emotionally, what hurts me the most is when my kids are expressing hurt over the abandonment and carelessness of their father. then he blames me for why he isnt here.  well, i am. and they see that.  reality can get skewed quite easily if we dont get up every day and get out there and get busy with the real world.

Peregrine
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:15 PM
1 mom liked this

 Not any more. It's been over two years of playing these games. I know when it's final I'll cry a few tears, but after that I'll be clean and fresh. Ready to find a new life with someone who wants me.

CAGsMama
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:30 PM

Yes. It has been 10 months for me and I have a 1 year old. I had made the choice to kick my stbx out after his unwillingness to jump on the family wagon and off the bar boat, only to beg for him to come home twice and then have him walk out on my son and I leaving me crying one night (crying because of him was nothing new). I have good days and bad days. I struggle more on certain days than others. I miss him sometimes, I hate him sometimes, he makes me feel ill most of the time. I have so much to do, legally, financially, emotionally, domestically and all the while work full time to support my son and I. I feel your mixed emotions Mama. It's awful, and all the while he's living with the woman he cheated on me with WHO he does not see a future with, does not love and is using out of convinience. Awesome.

phoenix1979
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:21 PM
2 moms liked this

I didn’t even cry a few tears when it was finial, I threw a party!!  Then again the divorce took two years  and he killed any romantic love I had for him. I’m still not done with legal stuff; that may be never ending, but by golly I’m divorced and never been happier.  And here’s the kicker, the kids have never been happier! We have a great life at home, it’s taken two years to get where we are but it’s been worth it.

I remember the early mixed emotions,  I couldn’t comprehend how the life we built was just thrown away, I couldn’t understand how I could have been so stupid to believe all the lies for years, and I couldn’t believe that I had been duped! I had a period where I felt the whole marriage must have been a huge joke and lie in his eyes, then I had someone explain to me that my good experiences within the marriage aren’t any less meaningful because he didn’t feel the same way. They are mine. They will always be special to me. And I will always have those. There are a lot of really bad times mixed in with those good but I choose to not dwell on either one, sometimes a memory will come up, I acknowledge it and move on. I had a really good gut wrenching cry when I left him (I mean on the floor crying so hard I gave myself a great ab work out!).  I let it all out and decided to love myself.

I don’t hate my ex, I wish for him to find peace and be on a healthy path and I know there is nothing I can do to assist him. And I wouldn’t want to be standing next to him when that karma bus comes rolling in!

Feel your emotions, hug yourself and remember you rock!

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:36 PM

I think too when we get tired of being emotional over it we just stop. yanno?  we can give ourselves permission to let them go their own way. b/c they have left anyway.  its not like we can stop them. but i know for me, i can stop him from coming back and continuing the games. those sad moments are really hard but someone i know is going thru divorce and posted on fb this morning. her friend told her to get outside of her head b/c it can be toxic for her right now. she suggested she look around at the outside and see that she is exactly where she needs to be right now.  it lifted us all up.  hang in there....

KCayea
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:33 PM
1 mom liked this

This is exactly how mine wen't only he is an asstard to his kids... and i hope that bastard never needs a kidney lol

Quoting phoenix1979:

I didn’t even cry a few tears when it was finial, I threw a party!!  Then again the divorce took two years  and he killed any romantic love I had for him. I’m still not done with legal stuff; that may be never ending, but by golly I’m divorced and never been happier.  And here’s the kicker, the kids have never been happier! We have a great life at home, it’s taken two years to get where we are but it’s been worth it.

I remember the early mixed emotions,  I couldn’t comprehend how the life we built was just thrown away, I couldn’t understand how I could have been so stupid to believe all the lies for years, and I couldn’t believe that I had been duped! I had a period where I felt the whole marriage must have been a huge joke and lie in his eyes, then I had someone explain to me that my good experiences within the marriage aren’t any less meaningful because he didn’t feel the same way. They are mine. They will always be special to me. And I will always have those. There are a lot of really bad times mixed in with those good but I choose to not dwell on either one, sometimes a memory will come up, I acknowledge it and move on. I had a really good gut wrenching cry when I left him (I mean on the floor crying so hard I gave myself a great ab work out!).  I let it all out and decided to love myself.

I don’t hate my ex, I wish for him to find peace and be on a healthy path and I know there is nothing I can do to assist him. And I wouldn’t want to be standing next to him when that karma bus comes rolling in!

Feel your emotions, hug yourself and remember you rock!


chellenout
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:40 PM
2 moms liked this

Yes, I think we all at some point or another, we miss the familiar, not the man, the familiar and  want the companionship.  My children to have said how we are all happier with him gone, but at some moments we all do miss him.  But ds then at age 12 told me " No I don't want him to come back because I don't want him to make dear sister and dear brother cry and break more promises to them.   I was floored....... in awe of my 12 yr old ds.  At that point I just smiled knowing we'd be Ok... thank you GOD!

cara124
by Cara on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:05 PM

YEP.... my teenagers love the new life with dad gone..... i'm pissed about the financial mess i'mstill cleaning up after 2yrs.... but honestly my house is calmer........ even with 2 teen girls and one preteen boy .... is so peaceful  without him around ..... and i never had to second guess decisions that i've made about the kids lives

jen252007
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:07 PM
Been almost 6 mos for me have good and bad days
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Montreatgrad
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 10:08 AM
2 moms liked this

LOVE IT!!!!!!! 

Quoting phoenix1979:

And I wouldn’t want to be standing next to him when that karma bus comes rolling in!

 
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