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CLOSER?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:41 AM
  • 6 Replies

Did you get closer at the end of your marriage was over ? I did not. I have asked him numerous times were we went wrong ,what did I do to make him cheat on me and all he ever Say's is  " it was just some thing that happened" he never names any thing specific .I feel left out in the dark.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:41 AM
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Peregrine
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:12 PM
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Welcome to our group.

Please let me give you some sound advice. Let this go. First you need to understand you didn't do anything to make him cheat on you.

He did it on by his own free will. It's his malfunction not yours.  It's not like you stripped him naked and tossed some other woman on top of him. He chose to cheat. There was a point in time when he conscientiously ignored his vows and FAILED you.

What I'm trying to say is don't look for answers for mistakes you didn't make.  He says "it just happened" because he knows it's not your fault.

There comes a point in time when you have to learn you won't get answers to all your questions. You just need to accept that and go on.

1likeme
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:27 PM
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I have closure because. I know what happened in our marriage. I know that his behavior wasn't a reflection of me or my behavior. He is the way he is because of his belief system. He feels that he is right in his actions because in his eyes everyone made him that way. I don't need anything from him to realize I deserve better and nothing he could say would change the way I feel about what happened.
GraLauJon
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:57 PM
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when you believe in yourself more and truly love and accept who you are then your self esteem will not even question stuff like that anymore.  you are precious and deserve to lead a good, healthy, balanced life like everyone else on this planet. i oftened wondered the same as you.  my H was an abusive cheater. Finally a friend of mine said, "honey, he lied to you b/c he is a liar.  he beat you b/c he is an abuser and he cheated on you b/c he was a cheater.  That is what HE is. not you. and it wasnt BECAUSE of you."  they have no reason to validate their actions. their morals are different than ours. i dont care how bad our marriage got, i would never cheat on him. or lie, etc.   you are not together b/c he vibrates on a whole different level than you do. you deserve someone who will treat you with love and respect...a person like YOU.

CAGsMama
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 2:05 PM
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No. And I don't think there is any true way to get closure except from within yourself. I went looking for it not too long ago from him and all he did was tell me what was wrong with me and what I did wrong, etc. I sulked in not having closure for quite awhile. But, let me tell you that my friends and the women on here have helped me realize that we just have to move on with ourselves and be strong. Your could not have done anything in the world to make him cheat on you. What sort of dirt bag cheats on his wife?! My thought is, if you have wandering eyes and penis, then leave me, divorce me, dump me, you should have never have even married me. He made his choice and unfortunately you have to live with it. But you don't have to live IN it. You will move on from this. We all will. You'll see through your conversations with some very inspiring women on here :)

sharonadawn
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:12 PM
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My stbx openly admits that I deserve better than him and that he had never treated me right.  I know this whole ordeal is about him and his selfishness.  It is still hard to reconcile sometimes though so I know where you are coming from.  It is the beginning of a journey for you.

easinpc
by Silver Member on Nov. 11, 2011 at 10:48 PM

I did not either.  I have heard of it happening with people but it is not something that I experienced.

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