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Bent and nervous about the holidays & child custody

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:53 PM
  • 10 Replies

Okay, so this will be my first holiday season without the husband. It makes me a little sad. But I'm more nervous about what the court  could order regarding who my son spends the holidays with. I filed for divorce, stbx responded, I am petitioning his response but have not gone to turn my paperwork in yet because it invovles so much documentation, so we do not have a court date yet for anything, divorce or child custody. If I delay turning my paper work in, will this delay a court date? Because ideally I'd like to not do anything until we get through the holidays (like January) so that I will not be ordered to allow my stbx to take our baby 100's of miles away from me for a holiday to be with his family. OR can he go in and speed the process up for any reason even though I'm the petitioner? The man hasn't had a job in a year, doesn't  have a permanent residence, no toys, no carseat, nothing. Would the court even order me to send our son off with him 100's of miles away to his mom and dad's? They don't even have anything for our son...

~CAGsMama


"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child."  ~Sophia Loren




 

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 1:53 PM
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Chrismomto5
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 6:52 PM
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Turning in your paperwork now will not do anything.  First, every state has a waiting period for divorce.  I believe most are 60-90 days once the paperwork is filed is the hearing for the divorce done.  So even if you filed for tomorrow, you wouldn't be able to call and schedule your court date to finalize until AFTER the holidays!  
Until custody is ordered by the courts, you can do whatever you want.  However, remember that if you don't play nice, neither will the courts.  That means if you want Christmas, give him Thanksgiving.  Or offer to allow your ex to come over first thing Christmas morning and open presents together, or let him have your son for half of the day.  
As for the schedule, every state pretty much the same.  Custodial parents/non custodial parents get Xmas on odd or even years.  As for you sending your child 100 miles away, that will not matter.  Dad has the right to his child without you there, and he is allowed to decide who is around his child when his child is with him.  You have no say on what he does when your son is with him, and he has no say what you do when your son is with you.
My best advice is try to figure out a schedule that works for both of you.  My son sees me and his dad for every major holiday.  We believe our son has the right to be with both mom and dad, so we each get him for half the day.  Our son loves it, and neither his dad or I ever have to spend a Christmas or Thanksgiving without seeing our son.   

CAGsMama
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 7:06 PM

Thank you for responding :) It's not that I want to revoke my stbx's visitation with our son, but he has a past of drinking and driving, getting really hammered at his family's house during family functions, getting hammered daily, etc. I REALLY really worry about our son's safety. Everytime we'd drive to see his family, he'd drink and drive. I thought he'd stop when I was pregnant because there was more at stake, but nope. Infact, CPS was called on him because of his drinking around our son and I have that report for court. He hasn't however been in any legal troubles due to his drinking. He is welcome to come and see our son anytime he likes at my house and I never tell him no. If our son and I have obligations, I always tell him the next evening is great. All this set aside, you really think that it won't make a difference whether or not I turn the papers in now or later? Of course I will tell him that he can come spend half the day with our son on Thanksgiving and Christmas! I had to beg him to spend a couple hours with him on Easter. According to him "it's just another day".

~CAGsMama


"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child."  ~Sophia Loren




 

Peregrine
by Bronze Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:25 PM

You can however look into getting a temporary custody order created and it will assure the safety of you son. If you're worried he might take your son away, I strongly recommend you do this ASAP. That way the police can enforce the order.

PatriciaofMN
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:52 PM

 You took the words right out of my mouth.  Pls call the Court house and ask them how to file for a temp custody order, they will help you, they helped me.....

Quoting Peregrine:

You can however look into getting a temporary custody order created and it will assure the safety of you son. If you're worried he might take your son away, I strongly recommend you do this ASAP. That way the police can enforce the order.

 

PatriciaofMN
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 2:02 PM

 Also, what helped me was I kept a journal of all the times we talked, kept the text messages, etc... also, make it known that you are always inviting him into your home to visit your son, etc... this way, the Court will know that you are making an effort - documentating little things may seem like not a big deal but it will later...believe me....

Quoting CAGsMama:

Thank you for responding :) It's not that I want to revoke my stbx's visitation with our son, but he has a past of drinking and driving, getting really hammered at his family's house during family functions, getting hammered daily, etc. I REALLY really worry about our son's safety. Everytime we'd drive to see his family, he'd drink and drive. I thought he'd stop when I was pregnant because there was more at stake, but nope. Infact, CPS was called on him because of his drinking around our son and I have that report for court. He hasn't however been in any legal troubles due to his drinking. He is welcome to come and see our son anytime he likes at my house and I never tell him no. If our son and I have obligations, I always tell him the next evening is great. All this set aside, you really think that it won't make a difference whether or not I turn the papers in now or later? Of course I will tell him that he can come spend half the day with our son on Thanksgiving and Christmas! I had to beg him to spend a couple hours with him on Easter. According to him "it's just another day".

 

Artisticmomof2
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 3:09 PM
Don't let him take him, period. If he objects, just ignore and avoid him like the plague. The paperwork won't be final for a bit anyhow, so you have time to see how he conducts himself over the holidays. Document everything in case he does something stupid, but don't let him take your kid if you honestly are afraid for his safetey. You are MOM, behold the power!
easinpc
by Silver Member on Nov. 11, 2011 at 10:59 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with the other moms and would check into filing a temporary custody agreement.  This would protect both you and your child.

CAGsMama
by on Nov. 16, 2011 at 1:13 AM
How does a temporary custody order work? Do we have to attend a hearing? Is there a chance the judge my som could order me to send our son off with him for the holidays?
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chellenout
by on Nov. 16, 2011 at 1:22 AM

How old is your baby? With my ex before he was  an ex. We always spent the day before the with his family and then "real" holiday with my family. So when the divorce came around... guess what the Judges said we had to keep it that way and so we did!  Im sorry, the 1st year I know is always the hardest. This will be my 2 Christmas being divorced.  I cried this past weekend bcz I missed my children when they had to go with ex.  My prayers are being Fedexd to you. 

CAGsMama
by on Nov. 16, 2011 at 4:01 PM
He is only 13 months so we never really established anything holiday wise as a family. And his family is 100's of miles away. I'm just wondering if I should get a temp order since our last order expired, or just keep my son close to get through the holidays. Thank you for your prayers :) Also, if we already have a pending case, can he go in and file a temp? This stuff is SO confusing and takes a huge emotional toll on one. The day my son has to go with my ex over night is going to be the worst day of my life :( I don't blame you for crying.
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