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Hi I’m Phoenix

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:43 PM
  • 9 Replies

Howdy Folks!

New to the site, have been on here a few times reading and thought I'd join. 

A little about me:
Was married in 1998, divorce was finalized 10.31.2011 (and yes Halloween is my new favorite holiday).Three kids from the marriage.

Ex had cheated a lot, left the family several times for various younger woman. He's a text book narcissist and I hadn't realized the extent of the emotional and mental abuse I'd been under until I got out. As the fog of the marriage lifted I realized I had been isolated from family and had no friends, no identify, no self esteem, no nothing. Everything had been drained by the blood sucker. He resent my jobs and hated that I could manage the house and work 40 plus hours, hated my relationship with my family, hated and despised anything and everything I was and am. Anything I ever did was never good enough; I was always accused of sleeping with everyone and told that people didn't like me only wanted me for sex or what money I might have.  I could go on and on and on about the level of abuse I lived through for over 10 years, but at the end of the day it's over.

The marriage didn't start out that way, suppose they never do, there were HUGE red flags before we married but I was in love and thought it meant the same thing for him.  I failed to notice while I was home enjoying being a mom with the babies my identify and rights as a person were being eroded  

 I found the courage to move out and went home to my parents. Spent a year getting myself on track and now I find another year later I am the happiest I've ever been. I have three bright beautiful children that I love dearly. I have a beautiful home, a great job, a decent car, friends, family, and myself. Finding myself again after years of being last last last on the list and years of being degraded to an object, it was a difficult journey at first but one that I am very grateful that I've been on.  The first time I sat in a restaurant by myself was the turning point. The waiter asked if I wanted coffee, it took everything I had not to jump up and run out the door, I was never allowed to order my own food or drink, but I did it, I ordered I know I must have been acting or looking funny cause the waiter seemed unsure of me. But that small step was key to my taking other steps to remembering that I'm a person too, not an object. This past September I went buggen jumping, that was also a leap of faith that helped reinforce my notion of being on a road to recovery and rediscovery of who I am as a human.

 I know in my heart I honored my vows to the best of my ability and I do not regret the marriage, but I also know that sometimes our lives cross paths for a certain time then we depart from each other.   Our time had ended, I have learned so much and I look forward to what this next phase of my life holds.  

The best thing I have done for myself is LOVED ME!! I'm allowed to be loved too and I make sure I'm not unkind or harsh on myself.  

I look forward to getting to others on here as well.

Thanks!

Phoenix

 

 

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:43 PM
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Replies (1-9):
CAGsMama
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow! Super inspiring introduction of yourself!!!! Welcome to the group :) I feel better today regarding my divorce after reading your post, thank you :) So happy that you've joined us!

you rock

phoenix1979
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:56 PM

Aww thanks, I'm happy I joined and could make someone else feel a little better. : )

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:15 PM
1 mom liked this

welcom phoenix.   our marriage counselor told us that we didnt end up together by accident. that was not really shocking to me. i have become stronger, too, and now i will not tolerate ill treatment of me by my H and it makes him even madder than he was before!  he was always and angry person but then seems to like to play on peoples sympathies to get away with whatever he can. he seems to think playing people is a game and enjoys the thrill of it. i have had many turning points. you reminded me of something when you mentioned the restaurant. my kids and i went to the market for the first time and i told each one to pick out something they wanted. they all just stood there. then they asked, "you mean, like, we each get to choose something - whatever we want?!"  I said, "yes." even for me, i felt lost in the store b/c i was so used to my stbx dictating what we could buy and eat.  even in the separation he has tried to go buy our food for us and tell me that he spent my support money from him himself. that didnt get very far. lol one taste of freedom and it feels WEIRD. but then you get used to being back in the world. so hello from a worldly new friend. Hope you like it here!  xo

cara124
by Cara on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:09 PM
1 mom liked this

welcome to cafemom

it sounds like you came out of your divorce the bigger person and i applaud your for that !

jen252007
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Welcome thanks for sharing your story
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
phoenix1979
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:23 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you ladies. I was really hesitant to join, glad I did. : )  

chellenout
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:48 AM
1 mom liked this

Phoenix, glad to see that you did join! Congratulations & atta girl! 

Peregrine
by Bronze Member on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:21 PM
1 mom liked this

 I always say the only someone else can really love you is if you love youself first.

Great Job and welcome to our group.

easinpc
by Silver Member on Nov. 11, 2011 at 10:55 PM

Welcome to our group!  Thank you for sharing your story with us and I look forward to getting to know you better!

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