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Is she my daughter's "STEP MOTHER"?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:54 PM
  • 21 Replies

Here is another one of those lovely Facebook questions.  Ugh, Facebook.  My daughter opens her page today and there is a request.  Her dad's GIRLFRIEND is requesting to list my daughter as her step daughter on her "related to section."  I actually called the girlfriend and asked her when she and my ex husband had gotten married because as far as I knew, they weren't even engaged.  Of course, she is NOT married to him.  She claimed to be engaged to him and actively planning her wedding with my daughter, and when my daughter heard this, she said she was always the last to know about everything and was very sad nobody told her dad was engaged.  Would any other of you divorced moms feel offended by a woman who isn't married to their ex making a claim that she is the child's step mom?

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
KCayea
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:03 PM

it depends is she a fairly new girfriend or have they been together for a long time. i've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years and i reffer to his children as my stepsons. they are too young for facebook tho. now if some woman my ex was with was doing that i dont know if i'd be mad depends on how much time they spend and how long they been together

 

1likeme
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:53 PM

My evil side says to block the new GF when your daughter isn't looking.  My logical side says to set things up so that the GF can only view information your comfortable with. 

cara124
by Cara on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:43 PM
1 mom liked this

honestly the GF doesnt even need to be on your dd's FB until after the WEDDING , and then only with limited access ! .......

Homeschoolmom99
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this
My wife is not the stepmom she is his other mom! It would depend but since my ex is dating my ex friend who is a drunken slut yes i would be upset
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GraLauJon
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:27 PM

yes. b/c she's not. and i cant stand a liar.

phoenix1979
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:37 AM
2 moms liked this

The Girlfriend has the horse before the cart. If it was me,  I'd ask the ex what was up and explain to him it's detrimental to our daughters overall emotional wellbeing to be told through facebook her father is engaged.
Any parent should speak with their child first before announcing it on facebook and requesting status. Then again that would require people to act like adults and parents.

chellenout
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 1:34 AM

yes of course... Im dreading that day. I hope it never comes... or at least after i find the next love of my life and Im crazy happy like a  sex crazed 20 something

Chrismomto5
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 8:32 AM
2 moms liked this

No, I wouldn't be offended.  If this woman is involved with the dad, and living with him, then she is a "parental figure" while your daughter is with her dad.  
I have worked very hard to establish a good relationship with my oldest son's dad and his wife.  I consider my ex's wife to be my son's "Bonus Mom," and I expect her to treat my child like she gave birth to him.
As parents who are not with the father of our children, we need to do everything to foster a good relationship with the other parent and their significant other.  While it is hard to hear that there is anothe woman in our child's life playing a mom role, it is better that the woman love our child and be a great influence and positive person in their life then battle over squabbles of a title.   

MomhoodUnited
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 9:59 AM

Thanks for the replies.  If I thought this woman was good for my daughter and a great parental figure I would probably not be upset.  At this point, the couple (my ex and this ick) have been together for about ten months, but it's been ten months of drama and chaos and weirdness.  The ex completely shoves this woman down my daughter's throat.  I agree with cara124 and 1likeme as far as her not being on FB with my daughter, and that was the case for a long time, but I got tired of the drama surrounding the immature adults putting pressure on me so I caved.  These two are creeps, and I feel sorry for my daughter that her dad is who he is and that he chose this weird woman (and her five kids) as his partner and the subsequent effect is that my daughter is constantly feeling like the low end of the Totem Pole. 

jewelsmama528
by on Nov. 10, 2011 at 12:16 PM
I would be very angry!! If they are not married yet then she should not be listed as "family"!! That only confuses the children IMO. What if things don't work out with him and this woman?? Is he going to have everybody he is involved with in the future play mommy to his children?? And especially if their relationship is "weird"....your daughter does not need to be a part of that!! Also, a lot of people put their whole lives on TH and your daughter does not need to see that stuff from her dad's gf!! However, I agree with another poster saying that if and when they get married you will want to make everything as smooth as possible and you would want her to love your child as her own....however, that should only happen AFTER the wedding!!! Good luck and Ihope it all works out for you!!! ((((HUGS))))
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