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Different religious views.

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 3:06 PM
  • 12 Replies

Ok I don't want any disrespect or anything to come from this. I just thought i would state that first. When i was pregnant my ex was not religious. He was beought up in a Johovahs Winess house but didn't floow their rules. I am not relgious and we agreed not to raise our son that way. So my son went to all the holidays and birthdays and halloween and so on. Well if you have seen my other posts he is not a very good person to say the least, and moved out in september. Now my son is coming home talking about God and Jahovah and things like that. He only sees my son twice a week at most and the visits are not long. I think it is confusing for a child to hace someone teching him things that I do not believe in when I teach him other things. My ex agreed to this but now of course he wants to be rude and piss me off anyway he can. So is there anything I can do to help with my sons confusion? 

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 3:06 PM
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GraLauJon
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 4:30 PM

That is a hard one. I am a JW, too, and my H was being prepped to be an elder in the congregation when we met.  he fell far from grace and got DFd and does very immoral things. My kids see that.  I have to also say that I was not raised in a religious family at all.  they are all accountants and engineers and are very scientific-based in their views.   My mother was a self-proclaimed atheist for years.  But she used to say that when i was 5 i was a very devout person. It is true: I always believed in God. My mom's younger sister laffs and says the same about her dd (my cousin) and told me, "you know you guys didnt get that from us."  That being said, I have to be honest and tell you that as individuals, we all have our own free will to choose what we want. even an elder in my cong told me that i cannot keep my stbx from taking my kids to another church while they are under his care if that is what he wants to do.   JWs do not baptize their children as infants.  We know it is up to each individual to choose for themselves how they want to live out their lives - and no one else's.  BUT if my mom would have told me that i had to be an atheist like her, I would have been livid.   All you can do is tell your child that you have your beliefs and dad has his and that he needs to make up his own mind too.  B/c its HIS life.   I was involved in many religious groups before I made up my mind as an adult.  HTH.  {{HUGS}}

strength13
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:14 PM

Its not free will, his dad told him this. That is what I am saying. He never believed until his dad started telling him. Your situation is different. I know where he got it and he doesn't even know what he is saying he is just quoting them. I don't think it is healthy, my son gets confused because he doesn't know what to believe. I just don't think it is fair because we decided early on we wouldn't do this but now sense we are not together he is being difficult. 

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:17 PM

Well, i have spoken to attys and counselors, etc. i worry about my kids too and what their dad instills in them that is "okay" and i am telling you that no matter what, you have to keep communication open with your child and be open about talking about things so that he becomes a self-sufficient, productive human being.  that is what it comes down to. I can get mad at my H too. and I do. but it doesnt get me anywhere with the kids. know what i mean? 

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:21 PM

Besides. kids are thinking, feeling human beings. they are not robots. they get taught things in school too. and they pick stuff up from other kids, etc.  they do learn to sift through information and they do have to learn how at some point.  even in the DV groups we were told that.  so do what you feel is best on your end. and be approachable instead of put off.  then your child wont feel challenged to override one parent vs the other. 

cara124
by Cara on Nov. 26, 2011 at 9:25 PM
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my advice .... let him teach the child what he wants at his home , but make sure the child knows that they always have a choice as a person whether or not to follow those teachings.....

my niece is in the same situation that your in her dad is JW and her mother is not.... the way it work out for them was that the mother got her for all holiday vacations because dad was practicing JW .... works well for all involved....

donnadea
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:16 PM
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i am also JW. My x was raised JW but didnt follow either. I didnt know his family was when i first met him. I already had 3 kids when i met him. It wasnt until we had lived together for a year and then got married that i met his family and found out they were JWs. I started studting with his sister and eventualy got baptized. He followed for a few years until he got the gf on the side and now im JW and hes not. If your stbx is serious about being JW and serving Jehovah now then one of the things the bible teaches us is that we are responsible for our childrens spiritual welfare and if we dont use the scriptures to teach our children and bring them up with the mental regulating of Jehovah we are the same as someone who has no faith at all. I cant remember which scriptures go along with that right now but thats what we believe. We teach our children because we love them and dont want them to become like lost sheep without a shepard
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donnadea
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:28 PM
my problem now is the oposite of yours because now that my x is not a JW any more and he is remarried etc. He gets my son for some of the holidays. My son tells him that he doesnt want to celebrate holidays with them but they still give him gifts for christmas, birthday etc. My son came home yesterday and said his dad made him mad cuz he wouldnt let him sit in the kitchen and just eat a hotdog on thursday, says his dad insisted that he had to sit at the table with them and all of his stepmoms family and eat turkey and stuff like the everybody else. So he just sat there and didnt eat anything. He doesnt like to sit with them cuz he says all they do is talk about how his mom and his grandparents are brainwashing him to worship the devil. Its sad that at his dads house they are forcing him to do things he doesnt want to do
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easinpc
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2011 at 10:57 AM
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Have you tried speaking to your ex and seeing what is going on?  Also how old is your son?

Chrismomto5
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 11:28 AM

All you can do is present your son with your religious beliefs and allow him to make his own choices.  The only "right" you really have in this case is to not allow him to join any religion until he is 18yrs old.  

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:37 PM

I think too that the point is we all have a "belief" system ... whatever that is.  And I wouldnt be so sure about our rights reflecting on them until turning 18 b/c the issue is really the rights of the child.  I know that in the state where I live kids have a say in who they live with, can decide on certain things for themselves,  etc. by age 12.  They can even emancipate themselves by age 16 here.   If we are all being honest, then if we feel we can force our belief system onto our kids and get mad b/c the other parent is doing the same, we are still just as one-sided as the other parent.  you can call it brainwashing by one person. but if you arent agreeable to letting your child make up his own mind yourself, then that is brainwashing on your part, too.   Im just sayin..... we all grow up.  And parents need to respect that process.

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