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Disgusted at my husband

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:47 PM
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My husband and I have this ongoing argurement about his son and my daughter. When it comes to his son he acts like he's more important than my daughter and like his   responsiblity as a dad to his son is       1st priority. It disgusts me because I do so much for everyone involved and its never enough. I work so hard to be certain I treat the kids fair. Im sick of it and even when we try to discuss it he maintains his position. It makes me want to say F..k you and this situation, Im movin on.

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:47 PM
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GraLauJon
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:51 PM

My stbx does that with our middle dd. it upsets the other kids b/c its pretty obvious.  my stbx says, "well, she is just like me." so of course he is gonna reward that.  I just compensate for the other kids. we all talk about it. my middle dd admits she knows it. but he uses her too. to play her against me whenever he can. its become a joke now.  the kids get mad at him and my dd does not take his comment as a compliment.  she is bonding more with me now, prolly cuz she is going thru puberty, but just let your dd know you are there for her.  they need someone to be. it will have to be you.

M4LG5
by Silver Member on Nov. 26, 2011 at 11:01 PM
Dh callable my dd1 spoiled (she is from one of my previous relationships) but he will do the same if not more with our twins but he throws a fuck'n fit if I say something.
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Chrystian
by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:47 PM
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I relate. Mine defends his sons behavior by telling me all his son has been through with his mom cheating and the divorce, etc. My kids went through the same thing with their dad, and I don't use that to excuse bad behavior, lack of manners, etc. He has higher expectations of my little one who is seven, than he does his son who is 13! It drives me crazy because I have two kids and have always made sure things were fair. We're working on it though.

cara124
by Cara on Nov. 28, 2011 at 9:46 AM

my EX and I only have our children together so never had this problem..... but i have notice lately that he is favoring our son over our daughters more..... which is starting to bug me ......

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 29, 2011 at 3:27 PM
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When the bottom of the boat falls out from under you, you get to decide for yourself whether you will sink or swim.  If there are kids involved, who are you gonna try and save?  Dont waste your time going after the dad.  Go for the kids 1st and take care of what they need.   I cant believe how many of us complain about how disappointed we are in our men. how they let us down, how they arent there for their kids.  And i am not saying that is untrue. what i am saying is that i am done spinning my wheels trying to keep things together when it is happening perpetually and on purpose so that I keep having to sweep up the shattered peices of my kids hearts.   Just focus on giving your kids whatever they need and you will see the results you are looking for.  I am wasting less and less time with a guy who is supposed to be present for the benefit of others and yet is clearly not interested in doing that.  We can get angry or we can get busy. Just know what being productive is about.

take care and stay saNe!  xo


Peregrine
by Bronze Member on Nov. 29, 2011 at 4:40 PM

 See... I never got the chance. My STBX left before he could chose what set of kids mattered most.

steviechick
by on Nov. 30, 2011 at 4:10 PM

My daughter refuses to have anything to do with her father.  He has lied to us both for many years, has money problems and simply can't be trusted.  She actually told me that she feels nothing for her own father.  He's been in her life since the day she was born.  He did a very selfish act and has proven himself to be a complete and utter piece of garbage.  He did this to himself.  A loss for our wonderful daughter all because he became selfish. 

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 30, 2011 at 5:13 PM


Quoting steviechick:

My daughter refuses to have anything to do with her father.  He has lied to us both for many years, has money problems and simply can't be trusted.  She actually told me that she feels nothing for her own father.  He's been in her life since the day she was born.  He did a very selfish act and has proven himself to be a complete and utter piece of garbage.  He did this to himself.  A loss for our wonderful daughter all because he became selfish. 

it seems way too common.  i let the kids work it out with their dad in that regard.  b/c if we try to play DAD as well as mom it confuses them even more. dad is dad and mom is mom. period. i let them know there is a distinction btwn the two different relationships.

steviechick
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 11:27 AM

As my daughter grows into an adult she can always give her father a second chance.  But, she also knows that he has a history of being unable in so many things.  If she decides to actually let her father into her life she also knows that she opens up Pandora's Box.  He will end up hurting her.  He's too emotionally unstable and I'm sure would want to push her towards having a relationship with his extended family....something I'm not fond of given the circumstances.  My daughter wouldn't be able to talk about her time spent with them as she knows I have deleted them from my mind.  I also can't imagine my daughter ever having a relationship with my ex's girlfriend.  She was the cause of our split someone who doesn't deserve to share anytime with my daughter. 

GraLauJon
by on Dec. 1, 2011 at 11:39 AM

I know that is hard to accept, steviechick.  It is something many women have to deal with, though.   It is hard to feel replaced. i hated that too.  but we cannot encourage our kids to snub an extended family if they are curiuos, etc.  yanno?  I have heard of cases where kids want to meet their half siblings...b/c they are blood related.   Or where they wanna see dad and are in no position to monopolize him in his new life.  My 9 y.o said she would only wanna do things with her dad if he got remarried. i told her she is totally allowed to make that request. but i know my stbx and he may con her into scoping out the new situation. and if that were to come to fruition i just dont want my child to feel like she is being pulled on like a piece of taffy in different directions b/c i know it will stress her out more. I will let her come to her conclusions on her own. I am not saying how your dd feels or anything, but i just tell my kids they may be faced one day with other siblings and i know i gotta let them decide what those relationships will be.  for kids, they dont necessarily feel cheated on. although, i disagree about the reality of that.... but it happens and people make adjustments.  for now, my middle dd (who is 12) asks me if she has to have her dad give her away when she gets married. she is planning for her older brother to do it. i was shocked. but i am very careful what i put out there to my kids in attitude and words so that my kids dont end up resenting me for putting my feelings of deceit twd their dad onto them.  that being said, I also dont sugar coat things or cover stuff up.  I beleive they should get accurate answers to their questions and know the truth for what it is.  it is all in the presentation. lol.    I really am sorry for your pain.  I dont like it either.  {{HUGS}}

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