My ex and I separated almost 3yrs ago. Our divorce has been final for a year. He lost custody to our children because I caught him downloading child porn. He is only allowed restricted visitation to the children that take place under MY supervision, and can only have three visits a month. He has only seen the children three times in the past 2.5yrs.
Well, his 21yr old GF is very pregnant and due beginning of Feb. I have very good reason to doubt that this is his child. First is that his entire family have told me they don't believe it is his kid. My ex wants me to allow him to bring this baby to my home to visit my kids. He wants me to allow him to take "happy family" photos of my kids with this kid. He wants me to let him bring his GF to my house as well. He lives 1400 miles away from us.
I am really struggling with allowing him to bring a baby to my home and tell my children, "This is your brother!" when I have doubts this is my kids biological sibling. I know my children are going to be hurt by him bringing the baby around. The best case senario is that they fall in love with it but only get to see it maybe once or twice a year for 8hrs. They are going to either be hurt by the fact that their bio-dad has another baby and will resent him for taking care of the baby when he has very little to do with them, or they will hurt because they love this baby and can't see the baby very often.
My ex told me he refuses to get a DNA test to prove that the child is his. I really don't want to subject my children to pain for no reason. I don't trust his GF and have no way of knowing that she won't get pissed off one day and just decide to not allow her kid to be brought 1400 miles away to my home.
My instict is to protect my children at all cost. Because I really do feel this is only a 50/50 shot on this baby being my ex's kid, and the fact that he refuses to get a DNA test, I really want to tell him to keep the baby away until I know for a fact that him and his GF are going to stay together. I don't want my kids to bond with a baby that may not be their sibling just to have it torn away in a year or two because he breaks up with his GF and his GF decides not to allow him to take her child to my home.
Should I stick to my guns and not allow him to bring the baby around for a while until I know this child isn't going to be snatched away from my kids (and my ex becomes consistent with seeing them) since I don't know if it is their sibling, or should I allow him to bring the baby down immediately and just deal with the consequences?