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What are my options?

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:59 AM
  • 14 Replies

Me and fiance have been going through a rough time, he has told me multiple times he is "done trying" but i was still working my ass off fighting for us.. Who knows why, he has been increasingly emotionally abusive. He threatens physical violance, and honestly, when he does that I don't cross him because I feel he actually would. 
Lastnight I tried to talk about "us" and he locked himself upstairs w/ laptop, i came in (out locks are faulty, you just turn knob in opposite direction) he told me to gtfo or he was leaving. I wrote him a letter trying to work things out, which I guess he didn't read because he was busy with his new ONLINE GIRLFRIEND. I guess he forget to close skype before passing out, so I got to read everything. We have had issues in the past with him getting emotionally involved with girls he meets online (hell, that is how we met) But anyway, I am done. I did not move here and leave everyone I have ever known and loved to be treated like this. He was also telling I am doing and saying things that never happened, I guess making me out to be the bad guy in the situation.

So my only questions now are... What are my options? We have a son together, I honestly am not sure if he will fight for him. He seems to resent him, and has even told me he feels like he is "missing out" on beaing young. But he also has told me that if I take his son he will kill me (which I didn't take serious at the time, because I assumes he was joking. Now not so sure.) I am not even telling him. This is not worth it anymore. I am staying unitl I get my taxes, and then I am going home. My family is going through a hard time anyways, they beg me to come back everyime I talk to them... oh, I was going to visit them last summer (ended up not over lack of finances) but he reallllly didn't want me to.
We live in WV, but I didn't grow up here, so I don't know anything about custody law here. If this becomes an issue I know our welfare office has a free lgal support project. I just don't want to stay here during a custody battle over a child I know he doesn't really want.
Also, I am the only one working. So I pay all bills, etc. The car is in his name (which now I wonder if that was in prepartion for leaving me instead of just "it was the only chance he had to get out there, while i was at work") The laptop is too. Not that I really care about either of these things, but if I could legally take them & sell or w/e that would help a lot financially.  
I also feel really bad about taking Conner away from his gma (father's mother) Me and her are pretty close, and she has cervical cancer. She is fighting it, but honestly, we don't know if I leave and visit her when conner is older if she will still be around.  

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 8:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:13 AM

My take on this, you are not married so you can take the child and move. You should establish CS when you get settled in you new location. You will have to submit to a blood test to prove the father is the father (if that makes sense). 

I'm not clear about the car, is the loan in his name and registered to him? Or is the loan in your name and the car registered in his name? If the loan is in your name then talk with the lien holder to determine if you can voluntarily repo the car (tunr it in), request that he find financing for the car to put loan in his name only, or take it and sell it outright. Oh if the car is in his name and his loan, stop paying it. Same with the computer. It is his responsibility to pay his own bills.

Sorry for the hurt but when you move back things will be ok.

MrsAdorkable
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:17 AM

everything is in his name. 
but i do have to be able to get to/from work until i leave. we don't get or w2's until the 31st 

Quoting RLSMOM59:

My take on this, you are not married so you can take the child and move. You should establish CS when you get settled in you new location. You will have to submit to a blood test to prove the father is the father (if that makes sense). 

I'm not clear about the car, is the loan in his name and registered to him? Or is the loan in your name and the car registered in his name? If the loan is in your name then talk with the lien holder to determine if you can voluntarily repo the car (tunr it in), request that he find financing for the car to put loan in his name only, or take it and sell it outright. Oh if the car is in his name and his loan, stop paying it. Same with the computer. It is his responsibility to pay his own bills.

Sorry for the hurt but when you move back things will be ok.


RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:25 AM

Ok continue to pay  bills until you leave then it becomes his issue. Then it is on him to make payments. GL

Quoting MrsAdorkable:

everything is in his name. 
but i do have to be able to get to/from work until i leave. we don't get or w2's until the 31st 

Quoting RLSMOM59:

My take on this, you are not married so you can take the child and move. You should establish CS when you get settled in you new location. You will have to submit to a blood test to prove the father is the father (if that makes sense). 

I'm not clear about the car, is the loan in his name and registered to him? Or is the loan in your name and the car registered in his name? If the loan is in your name then talk with the lien holder to determine if you can voluntarily repo the car (tunr it in), request that he find financing for the car to put loan in his name only, or take it and sell it outright. Oh if the car is in his name and his loan, stop paying it. Same with the computer. It is his responsibility to pay his own bills.

Sorry for the hurt but when you move back things will be ok.



Tricia2401
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:30 AM

Oh Wow.  I am so sorry you are going throuh that.  I know what your going through.  Only you are not yet married so leaving would not be a problem. Custody.. is another issue.  You can get help through child services. He will threaten only to scare you into thinking you can;t gain full custody of your child.  You and your child are not happy there. He as already admitted he has given up. He wants you to be the one to leave so he can blame it all on you that you broke up the family.  You already know he is seeing somone else. He has moved on just not moved out.. You should also look into the CS. He still has responsibility.  AS far as the car and lap top.  If the bills are in his name.. he is responsible for the paymets. If they are in your name.. you should take them. It may be hard going back home and starting over.. but at least you have family. And you can make a new start for you and your baby.  I wish you the best. Let us know how you are doing.

RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:35 AM

Another thought. You should file your taxes as single and can use your last pay stub to file. It has all the information on it that you need and can file now.

MrsAdorkable
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:42 AM

Oh, and at the hospital, he signed a paternity affidavit... would we still need the paternity test?

RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:02 AM

Depends on the state but take it with you. If you have a personal email take important documents and have them scanned to your email. That way you have a copy of them - put into a folder. This is helpful incase he decides to start destroring them. Do this with all bills that are in his name too.

Quoting MrsAdorkable:

Oh, and at the hospital, he signed a paternity affidavit... would we still need the paternity test?


cara124
by Cara on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:20 AM


Quoting RLSMOM59:

Depends on the state but take it with you. If you have a personal email take important documents and have them scanned to your email. That way you have a copy of them - put into a folder. This is helpful incase he decides to start destroring them. Do this with all bills that are in his name too.

Quoting MrsAdorkable:

Oh, and at the hospital, he signed a paternity affidavit... would we still need the paternity test?

 

I agree with this ..... either start coping important papers or mailing them to your family a little at a time so he doesnt notice ( going back to where they are is your plan ) ..... as for the rest ... I believe you can take your son and leave because your not married .... but as soon as you get to where your going the first thing you need to do is head for the court house and get custody of your child....

MrsAdorkable
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:28 AM


Quoting cara124:


Quoting RLSMOM59:

Depends on the state but take it with you. If you have a personal email take important documents and have them scanned to your email. That way you have a copy of them - put into a folder. This is helpful incase he decides to start destroring them. Do this with all bills that are in his name too.

Quoting MrsAdorkable:

Oh, and at the hospital, he signed a paternity affidavit... would we still need the paternity test?


I agree with this ..... either start coping important papers or mailing them to your family a little at a time so he doesnt notice ( going back to where they are is your plan ) ..... as for the rest ... I believe you can take your son and leave because your not married .... but as soon as you get to where your going the first thing you need to do is head for the court house and get custody of your child....

Ok, stupid question, but I have zero xperience.... how exactly do I do that though?

cara124
by Cara on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:37 AM


Quoting MrsAdorkable:

 

Quoting cara124:

 

Quoting RLSMOM59:

Depends on the state but take it with you. If you have a personal email take important documents and have them scanned to your email. That way you have a copy of them - put into a folder. This is helpful incase he decides to start destroring them. Do this with all bills that are in his name too.

Quoting MrsAdorkable:

Oh, and at the hospital, he signed a paternity affidavit... would we still need the paternity test?

 

I agree with this ..... either start coping important papers or mailing them to your family a little at a time so he doesnt notice ( going back to where they are is your plan ) ..... as for the rest ... I believe you can take your son and leave because your not married .... but as soon as you get to where your going the first thing you need to do is head for the court house and get custody of your child....

Ok, stupid question, but I have zero xperience.... how exactly do I do that though?

ask the county clerk for the papers for filling custody & child support ...... some states/counties also have free legal help if you need it ..... just go to the court house in the county where your going to be living and ask them for the paper work ...... ( I know here in CA i can get the papers online from the countys website ) that might also be an option for you ....... but DONT let him have the child for visitations untill you get custody set up ! ......

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