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I'm so done being the nice guy

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:28 PM
  • 8 Replies

STBX has not seen his kids since last Tuesday. Before that it was on Jan 2nd before having to work on his vehicle for 8 hours. He hasn't called or text to see how they were. The youngest (2yo) asked if he could call Daddy on the 9th so I let him. He had to leave a message. All I got was a "thank you" & a promise to see the kids the next day... which was last Tuesday. I have tried to text him regarding things we need to talk about before we meet with the attorney. He never replies.

He just text me out of the blue & said he would text me when he gets to work with his schedule (so we can figure out when we can meet with the atty). I asked if it was an accident that he text me & he said no & to kiss the kids for him. So I asked why he hasn't been over to see them.

It just irritates me that I have been the one to make contact with him. He isn't hurting me other than the lack of visits to see the kids. IMO it seems like he'd rather spend time with his OW & their baby than ourt kids. His mom even told me that he hasn't been home when she gets up for work (& she gets up at 5am!) So we both know where he is cuz it's not here!

Dawn Renee

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:28 PM
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Replies (1-8):
RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:41 PM

Try setting up a visitation schedule and email it to him. Ask if it works for him and if you do not hear from him within 7 days from being sent that it will be filed since it would be considered agreed upon. Once filed, just make sure the children are available at that time. If he doesn't show then it's on him. You did your part.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 1:52 PM

We are filing papers with my atty this week (as soon as STBX can tell me what night he is available to meet). As for the EOWE thing, I already know his employer will not allow it because he is a manager & managers are not allowwed to have Saturdays off. So, I am going to propose that he requests 2 back to back days off per week & that every other weekend he open (which would be 7am to 5pm) on Saturday & close (4pm to midnight) on Sunday so that he can have the kids for an over night EOWE. I do however want to stick to local rule for holidays even though I know that he probably will not take the kids the holidays he is suppose to have them. I only want this because I want to prepate MYSELF for those times when he might be able to take them (i.e. his half of the summer, his half of winter break, etc).

My BIGGEST issue with the holiday schedule is birthdays. We have 2 kids who have birthdays Memorial Weekend & if we stick with local rule then he gets the kids for Memorial Weekend & their birthdays! My odlest (who is 15yo) suggested that I ask for the kids during birthday time when he has them Memorial Weekend & then flip the next year, he gets them. Which is a good suggestion BUT their birthdays will not always fall that weekend! Sometimes it will be before the holiday & sometimes after. So I have to prepare for that.

RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:04 PM

You cannot propose anything for him, he has to do it himself. He should have a family planning form to complete as well as you. When you receive it go through and determine what you are comfortable with. With our agreement, I got Thanksgiving last year and he got Christmas. This year he gets Thanksgiving and I get Christmas. Every year he gets the month of July (my vacation). Now since he  lives 3000 miles away I have the child for the holidays and I try to make it the best for her. He will get her for July though because it is just financially smarter.

Quoting CampClan:

We are filing papers with my atty this week (as soon as STBX can tell me what night he is available to meet). As for the EOWE thing, I already know his employer will not allow it because he is a manager & managers are not allowwed to have Saturdays off. So, I am going to propose that he requests 2 back to back days off per week & that every other weekend he open (which would be 7am to 5pm) on Saturday & close (4pm to midnight) on Sunday so that he can have the kids for an over night EOWE. I do however want to stick to local rule for holidays even though I know that he probably will not take the kids the holidays he is suppose to have them. I only want this because I want to prepate MYSELF for those times when he might be able to take them (i.e. his half of the summer, his half of winter break, etc).

My BIGGEST issue with the holiday schedule is birthdays. We have 2 kids who have birthdays Memorial Weekend & if we stick with local rule then he gets the kids for Memorial Weekend & their birthdays! My odlest (who is 15yo) suggested that I ask for the kids during birthday time when he has them Memorial Weekend & then flip the next year, he gets them. Which is a good suggestion BUT their birthdays will not always fall that weekend! Sometimes it will be before the holiday & sometimes after. So I have to prepare for that.


CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:12 PM


Quoting RLSMOM59:

You cannot propose anything for him, he has to do it himself. He should have a family planning form to complete as well as you. When you receive it go through and determine what you are comfortable with. With our agreement, I got Thanksgiving last year and he got Christmas. This year he gets Thanksgiving and I get Christmas. Every year he gets the month of July (my vacation). Now since he  lives 3000 miles away I have the child for the holidays and I try to make it the best for her. He will get her for July though because it is just financially smarter.

So you are saying that I should tell me atty I want to do local rule & if STBX has a problem then he needs to make the suggestions? Because I already know he isn't going to take them EOWE or for the holidays he is suppose to have them. OR for his half of the summer! He works fast food & has weird hours. Like this weekend he worked 7am to 5pm Thursday, 4pm to close (which fast food is midnight or later) Friday, 10am to 8pm Saturday, & he closes again today. He does get 2 days off during the week but has been told only one can be a set day off & that cannot be a weekend day! And I KNOW that he has no option on daycare other than sending them to the daycare they already go to (which I work for) when he works. So I'm sure his thinking is why bother if they would have to go when with me!

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:16 PM

Oh & his general manager has been lazy with making the manager schedules up a month in advance like he is suppose to do so there are times that STBX doesn't even know what he works next week til a few days before! He just told me he would text his schedule when he gets to work but he knows he has Tuesday & Friday off. And his work week goes Monday through Sunday. I am not okay with putting my plans on hold in order to wait on him to tell me what days he is coming over to visit! He needs to give me more than a day or 2 notice!

RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:27 PM

Yes that is what I am saying, you make your request and let him make his request. Just because you "know" he won't take them EOWE, he may just have them and make arrangements for when he is not there. It's his call and his responsibility to step up to the plate to make his time with the children work.

Quoting CampClan:


Quoting RLSMOM59:

You cannot propose anything for him, he has to do it himself. He should have a family planning form to complete as well as you. When you receive it go through and determine what you are comfortable with. With our agreement, I got Thanksgiving last year and he got Christmas. This year he gets Thanksgiving and I get Christmas. Every year he gets the month of July (my vacation). Now since he  lives 3000 miles away I have the child for the holidays and I try to make it the best for her. He will get her for July though because it is just financially smarter.

So you are saying that I should tell me atty I want to do local rule & if STBX has a problem then he needs to make the suggestions? Because I already know he isn't going to take them EOWE or for the holidays he is suppose to have them. OR for his half of the summer! He works fast food & has weird hours. Like this weekend he worked 7am to 5pm Thursday, 4pm to close (which fast food is midnight or later) Friday, 10am to 8pm Saturday, & he closes again today. He does get 2 days off during the week but has been told only one can be a set day off & that cannot be a weekend day! And I KNOW that he has no option on daycare other than sending them to the daycare they already go to (which I work for) when he works. So I'm sure his thinking is why bother if they would have to go when with me!


RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:31 PM

Not your problem.  In my agreement, when the ex comes to town he has to give me a weeks notice. However, if he comes to town unexpectlantly, he can request to pick up the child as long as she is not doing anything. Oh your STBX should not be coming over to visit, he should either ring the bell, pick up the child and go somewhere.  If he says he will be there on Tues at 5 give him till 6 then do what you have to do. Things happen andyou have to be flexible and reasonible too.

Quoting CampClan:

Oh & his general manager has been lazy with making the manager schedules up a month in advance like he is suppose to do so there are times that STBX doesn't even know what he works next week til a few days before! He just told me he would text his schedule when he gets to work but he knows he has Tuesday & Friday off. And his work week goes Monday through Sunday. I am not okay with putting my plans on hold in order to wait on him to tell me what days he is coming over to visit! He needs to give me more than a day or 2 notice!


CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 2:40 PM

Our local rule says 30 min late & he forfeits his time. As for him making arrangements, I said the same thing the other day... if it's his weekend & he has to work he needs to get a sitter! Whether it be his mom, his sister, or someone else! Hoping it won't be my 15 yo though because as great as my 15 yo is I know he won't babysit siblings for more than 3 hours! lol (plus 15yo is not his so he may not even go with his half sibs for visits if he doesn't want too!)


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