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New and not sure what I'm doing, HELP PLEASE

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:38 PM
  • 4 Replies

I am not divorced or seperated, but it has been on my mind ALOT lately. I'm 27, my husband is 60, and we have 2 kids: DD 5 and DS 2. I am a stay at home mom, and my husband doesn't work either, he is retired military and on dissability. Despite the fact that we are both home, I am the one that takes care of the kids, and the animals, and him, and the housework. I am so tired of him yelling at me constantly about one thing or another not being done when he could very well do it himself.

We don't talk anymore, he spends most of the day in our room watching TV so he doesn't have to deal with me or the kids, so I feel like I'm already a single mom except that I don't have to worry about working right now. I don't know how much more of this I can take, he yells at me and puts me down constantly in front of our kids, so obviously, they no longer respect me either. I understand he wants things done, but he doesn't help at all, and I have ADD so I honestly get distracted or forget, but there are always clean dishes and clothes (maybe not the exact shirt he is looking for, but there is something).

Also, our daughter has ADHD and we are having alot of problems with her behavior, but I can't convince him that constant empty threats or screaming or spanking are only making the situation worse and making it harder for me to discipline her because she thinks that since he doesn't follow through with discipline, neither will I. He also gives in to tantrums and whining with both kids just because he's trying to watch tv or play on the computer and they are bugging him.

Anyway, at this point, I think the fact that he would rather lock himself in our room instead of dealing with me or our kids means the marriage is pretty much over, and I can't keep using the kids as an excuse to stay with him because his attitude towards me and pretty much the rest of the world is having a negative impact on them now. That being said, I am absolutely terrified. I have never been on my own before, went from my parent's house to one semester of college, to his house. I don't have my license (driving terrifies me), I don't have a job and I don't even know if I would be qualified to do anything that would pay enough to support myself and my kids, the closest thing I have to a friend that is local is his sister because we never go anywhere to meet anyone, so I would have no support.

I don't really know what I'm looking for here, advice or just needing to vent or what, but thank you to anybody who read my rambling lol.

by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:38 PM
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Replies (1-4):
CampClan
by Bronze Member on Jan. 15, 2012 at 9:43 PM

First off there are places that will help! go to your local jobs & family services & see what they can help you with. they might even have a way to help you get a job! Local daycares are a great place to look (sadly the turn around for teachers is crazy- I know because I work in one). Plus, you might get a deal on childcare! Second, go to the local library & get a resume started. It doesn't have to be actual jobs, if you volunteered somewhere, put it on there. And then look at Craigslist for jobs.Third- go to your local legal aid & see how they can help you get a divorce.

Hope this helps. Keep us posted!

cara124
by Cara on Jan. 16, 2012 at 11:55 AM
1 mom liked this

the above poster has some great tips that i would advice you to use.... if you can use public tranportation... and since he is on some kind of SSI/SSA you will get a check for the kids from that ( my sister is on SSA and my EX brother in law gets a check for my niece every month .... its not much like 400$ but its something ) .... start reaching out to women around you ... if your dd goes to school start talking to the other moms..... volunteer at a womens shelter ( they have info that can also help you ) ..... dont just sit back and talk the verbal abuse please be proactive in getting help for you and the kids .....

Peregrine
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2012 at 2:34 PM

 Welcome to the group.

I know you're scared and confused, but I have to ask have you considered counseling?  Perhaps there is something going on with him that needs to be brought to light. Does he want a divorce? Have you asked him what is going on?

Chrismomto5
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 5:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Of course he isn't helping.  He is 60yrs old.  He is the age of a grandpa.  You don't have "energy" to raise children at that age.  He was also raised in a different era than us; Women are the ones who are suppose to take care of the children, the house, and their husbands.  Men are suppose to provide.  When men are able to retire, it is still the wife's job to care for the house, ect.  
This isn't me trying to be bitchy with you, so please don't take it that way.  I just wanted you to see things from his POV.  That does not mean he is right, it just means your marriage is not going to work out unless you can accept that he won't change.  And he won't change, he is too old to change.   

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