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Social Media Etiquette: UPDATED

Posted by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:06 PM
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I'm in the early stages of divorce. I was just going through my fb page and thinking....how exactly do you navigate social media during a divorce?

For instance, do I leave up pics of us, pics from our wedding etc? Nobody really knows other than our families right now, but it will become pretty obvious in the next month when the kids and I move from Va back home to Chicago. Do you just wait for people to ask questions? Do you make an announcement? My stbx would probably be happy to never say anything to anyone even if they asked but I'm the complete opposite- I'm an open book. Idk how to be anything other than completely up front. Normally I would tell myself that it's not completely up to me because it's *our* relationship, not mine. But now it is more about just me, even tho it still involves him.

Just curious to see how you've handled it. What worked? What didn't work? Were you vague or open? Did you disagree on how to handle things? If so, did you compromise or do your own thing?

UPDATE: Since stbx and I are on pretty good terms, I asked him what he wanted to do. He said he didn't care. So I pmed my closest friends (our families already knew), made my relationship status private as well as some photos. I put something very vague as my status: the nest few weeks are going to fly by and drag on all at once. Gotta focus on maintaining balance. Positive vibes appreciated. The only question was about how time could fly by while dragging on. I explained that emotionally it was going to be long and slow, but logistically there wouldn't be enough days in the weeks ahead. Aside from the friends I pmed nobody has commented otherwise. When the time for us to move home comes (on about 3 weeks) I'll put something similar up.

Thank you for all of the advice and stories. You ladies rock!
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by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
RLSMOM59
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 10:26 PM
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My page when married never had any personal information except my name and a town close to where I lived. I always used aliases too. I don't have many pictures of my up either. Although you are getting divorce, he will alwyas be a part of your life. if you want to leave the pictures up, fine. If you want to take them down. fine. It's your page and you have control over what's posted. however, if he request that you remove his pictures from your page, you should honor that request.

momofmatt
by on Jan. 15, 2012 at 11:42 PM
11 moms liked this

When I knew it was really going to happen (the divorce), I changed my FB status to seperated and took pictures of us off.

I started getting messages asking questions or making comments and then I sent a public post out saying something similar to this....

I want everyone to know that I appreciate all the calls and messages of concern during this time.  Just know that I would appreciate you keep all negative comments to yourself.  I am determined to be the better person in all this and I will not be ugly or deface the father of my son especially on FB.  If you are really concerned, I would appreciate as many prayers as possible......this is rough on us all.  Thanks again for understanding.

When I did that, people messaged me or commented saying WELL SAID or GREAT COMMENT.  Where FB is an open forum and we (I'm guilty) like to share our feelings and thoughts....somethings are better left out.

Hope that helps you!

jenessamarie
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 12:56 AM
6 moms liked this
You change you relationship status and you wait for the question to come rolling in :)
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Peregrine
by Bronze Member on Jan. 16, 2012 at 8:18 AM
I changed mine to "it's complicated." The I changed it to "separated" I can't wait to change it divorced. I too felt the need to tell what was going on. Yes it is both of your relationship. But more importantly, it is YOUR LIFE.
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Cenedra64
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 8:27 AM
4 moms liked this

I got fb only coz an old friend wanted to keep track that way.  There's nothing really too personal on my page.  I find one big mistake people make is letting others too far into their personal lives on there.  It starts a lot of drama.  Wind up in that he said/she said bs. 

mantyangel
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 10:28 AM
6 moms liked this

I changed my status to separated, but I kept all personal info off of facebook until divorce is final.  Anything you say on this can and will be used against you in the divorce.  Don't make it easy for him to get info on your personal life.

songbird2716
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 10:36 AM
3 moms liked this
As much as I'm an open person, I'm not an "air my dirty laundry" type person. Nobody would guess by looking at my Facebook that anything is going on (especially because I don't use it as a platform to complain). But I will be moving soon and I'm sure people will ask questions even if I didn't change my relationship status. Personally, I'd rather change my status and put something along the lines of "Going to be some big changes for our family. Lots of mixed emotions. Please keep our kids in your thoughts." I think the weirdest part will be the pics. I won't take down pics of like, him and the kids, but our wedding album will probably go. But what about the random pics in other albums?
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mantyangel
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 10:51 AM
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Personally it was a part of your life, there was a time you were happy so nothing wrong with leaving family pics.  Maybe some of the more lovey dovey pics should come down, just because you don't want him to get the impression you aren't moving on.  You know every guy thinks we are secretly pining away for them LOL

songbird2716
by on Jan. 16, 2012 at 11:16 AM
Lol. Exactly! He still asks daily if there's a chance it can work. I can't imagine that helps at all.

Quoting mantyangel:

Personally it was a part of your life, there was a time you were happy so nothing wrong with leaving family pics.  Maybe some of the more lovey dovey pics should come down, just because you don't want him to get the impression you aren't moving on.  You know every guy thinks we are secretly pining away for them LOL

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cara124
by Cara on Jan. 16, 2012 at 11:28 AM
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this is something that person to YOU  so your going to have to figure out what works for YOU in this situation ..... for me i changed status to " its complicated " then " single" when the divorce was finally.... by the time i changed either status my family ( and anyone important ) in my life already new what was going on so i didnt have to many questions asked of me..... my only real suggestion is DONT ever bash him on there .... if can bite you in the butt later .....

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