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Need some advice or reassurance

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:19 AM
  • 9 Replies
I've been with my fiancee for 4 years and we have a 4 month old son. Things have always been up and down but got worse when i was pregnant. He's emotionally abusive and has threatened to hit me before, when that happened i called the police and left with my son but got sucked into going back. He drinks to much and started taking drugs when our son was 3 days old and its just gotten worse. He's always very angry and I'm terrified of him. He's no sort of a father to our son he's never changed a nappy bathed him made a bottle etc. He usually spends 15 mins a day playing with him on a good day when he's high he just ignores us. Recently when my son and i go to bed he's been smoking in the house i go crazy at him for it and he just gets angry at me. I want to leave but I'm terrified of what he'll do last time he told me i was holding his son randsom when i told him he was welcome to come see him at my mum's but i wasn't coming home, but i gave in. I only want him to have supervised visits as i don't trust him with his temper drug and alcohol issues plus he has no idea how to care for him, and he's likely to run off with him. I feel terrible that if i go my son won't have both parents around but i know this is no environment for him either. I'm sick of being miserable and living in fear. I've tried to work things out and he's promised to change before but it never lasts. I feel bad for my son that things are like this but I'm going to feel bad for leaving to. I'm so stressed bout what to do but I'm just terrified of leaving but don't think i can stay
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by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:19 AM
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Replies (1-9):
Cenedra64
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:09 AM
2 moms liked this

I'd dump him.  Once they get into drugs they don't care about nothing but the next high.  NOt a good invironment for a child

mantyangel
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

My ex-husband used to threaten that he would disappear with the kids and I would never see them again.  This scared me but then I realized he is not going to take responsibility for raising a child on his own.  He was too selfish to do that.  I was right too, we are divorced and yes he is involved with the kids, but he is happy to take them back to me so he can go back to caring only about himself.  Your Fiance may threaten but he doesn't want to take care of his kid.  Be careful, but I wouldn't worry too much about him taking the baby and running.

kellyrt83
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 6:30 PM

bump


GraLauJon
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:18 PM
1 mom liked this

#1 - i strongly suggest that you joing the dv survivor grp here on CM. it says "the power of being free

#2 - I was in the same situation, put it off for years, and ended up with 3 kids and separated....we are trying to settle divorce this year.  so i did not stop the inevitable from happening.

#3 - This isnt your fault. you didnt cause it, but you need to resolve what you are going to do so that you and your child stay alive and healthy.

Ive been there and done that.  Get all the support you can. Get a game plan to move out.  Do you have friends, family, etc?  It is not worth it to put your lives on the line for someone who doesnt care if HE does.

GL..and HUGS

GraLauJon
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:21 PM

P.S - Your fiancee is gonna say whatever he can to emotionally manipulate you into doing what he wants. its called CONTROL.  dont let him have any over you.  start learning how to dismantle that game. 

devycakes
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 9:44 AM

Go to the court house and ask for a 236. its a stop abuse restrainging order they will give you temporary custody. Just be sure to tell them all this when they ask why you want the restraining order, Your ex sounds like  mine...iv had to do this...but not till it was too late..and youll regret it if you wait bc it will just be harder. also when you have your hearing over the restraining order you can request supervised visits. good luck1 keep us posted!!!

devycakes
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 9:46 AM

if your worried about what he will do about you leaving, hopefully he works and if he does pack as much as you can while he does, have friends help you and gth out asap!

kitkat2012
by on Feb. 11, 2012 at 4:03 PM

 I was in a similar situation with my stbx. I got a restraining order against him and he can only have supervised visits with his children.  They are protected now and I don't have to worry.  If he violates the restaining order, I call the cops and he goes to jail.  It has happened 2x now.

Montreatgrad
by on Feb. 11, 2012 at 4:13 PM

I think you have to leave him.  I know it will be hard but think about your sons future.  A lot of kids raised in an abusive household grow up to be abusers.  If you stay that will be his example of what a relationship should be like.  I know you want better for him.  He deserves a mother who is happy and you can't be happy if your fiancee is emotionally abusive.  You also have to consider the dangers of being in a home with drugs and alcohol.  When your son starts crawling/walking he could drink or take something.  I know how scary it can be thinking about making it on your own but you can do it!

good

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