Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If you have a crazy and abusive ex

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:24 PM
  • 7 Replies

Are you worried about your kids turning out like him?

And, if so, what are you doing to try and stop that?

by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:24 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-7):
GraLauJon
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 2:37 PM

yes.  our middle dd, especially.  but i am very strict. and spiritual. we follow God's laws.  they have a choice: to live here with me goveringin our lives under Bible based laws, or with dad.   They have all chosen to stay here.  They see the difference. 

mysonsmom99
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 3:59 PM

He would probably chose dad's because it's like disneyland over there, you just need to put up with the verbal and emotional abuse.

He came up with this new saying lately which is "you ruined my life" somewhat abnormal for a 12 year old so I figured he probably heard it on TV or at school or whatever, well I found out where he got it. His lovely dad is telling him that and that he should never have had kids, who says that?! I wish he'd just release all rights and give him back, geez. Well we have 50/50 custody..

Quoting GraLauJon:

yes.  our middle dd, especially.  but i am very strict. and spiritual. we follow God's laws.  they have a choice: to live here with me goveringin our lives under Bible based laws, or with dad.   They have all chosen to stay here.  They see the difference. 


GraLauJon
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 7:11 PM
2 moms liked this

yes, my H is a total disneyland dad. and yes even though we are told by the courts not to say certain things to or in front of the kids that isnt how things play out in reality.   but i found that it is not okay to just put up with the verbal abuse b/c of being afraid of where our kids will choose to live. i dont want anymore abuse or negativity in my home. the other kids and i dont deserve that.  my middle dd learned right quick what i was willing to put up with and what i wasnt. she has straightened out alot over the past two years, but she has also gone thru puberty so that may have something to do with her mellowing out.  but one summer i kept sending her to live with dad and grandma. she liked it at the time, or so it seemed. but she hasnt gone back since and now opts out of sleepovers.  they just need to learn how to work things out. my biggest bit of advice to ppl is to talk, talk, talk, to your kids. and make sure you are approachable so they know they can come to you.  my dd cried one time and said that when she misbehaved that she saw the look of terror in our eyes...the same look we had when her dad was terrorizing us. she knew it had to stop...so i worked with her on that.  i showed compassion but also told her she had a duty to work harder if need be to be a decent human being.  i get compliments all the time on my kids good and respectful behavior.  it just takes hard work to raise kids. and when parents split up and they are both working to put food on the table our attn gets diverted. it is OUR duty not to get so preoccupied that we tune our kids out and make THEM fend for THEMselves. ... i hope that makes sense.

Clynn301
by on Feb. 8, 2012 at 8:05 PM
1 mom liked this

So my life wasn't exactly a lifetime movie but my ex was pretty emotionally abusive and his mother was constantly on the attack as well.  Now that I'm out of the marriage I'm really not worried about that.  I just know that my parenting makes a difference.  I've laid down the boundaries with my ex and his family.  I've made sure to enforce my legal rights when it was appropriate and I've demanded respect from them.  Ex's and/or in laws are just like dealing with kids, they test the boundaries and then you show them YOU MEAN BUSINESS. 

Dksmom360
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 12:07 AM
My soon to be ex husband is very hot tempered person when he gets upset. He would break and throw things around. Which for me is not a good sight for the kids to see. This is a huge ordeal for me and is something I thought about for a long time before I decided to divorce my husband. I didn't want to living with a person who's like that out of anger and did not want to have my kids go through it all of their lives and most importantly do not want to be just like them. I knew this is one of the reasons why I had to break the cycle and leave the marriage. He was not willing to go to anger management or marriage counseling since he thinks nothing is wrong with him.
devycakes
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 1:12 AM

I used to be worried about this. My son was only 3 months when we left but i do believe that someones rage is inheritated. He is a year old today and he is like every other child. It pains me when he hits me and cant help but have that thought run through my head...what if he will turn out like his father. Obviously i telling him not to do it and just tell him ow you hurt mommy, thats not nice. and rub his face and say you have to be nice. I have seen that this does work. this may just be from that age but our children pick up alot in first months And in the womb. As for my 3 step daughters who we have 50/50 custody with.....I have found just be persistant and show them rewards for being nice. hope this helps :)

t-jill
by on Feb. 9, 2012 at 4:26 AM

Read "Hold on to Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate. This helps and gives ideas of how to make sure your child looks to YOU as there role model. Gra that was excellent advice and a good reminder to keep focused on the children and give them undivided attention. Otherwise they're going to look for it elsewhere and having to fend for themselves... ugh!! It's bad enough they're coming from a divorced family. Better than seeing violence in the home, or anywhere for that matter.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)