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Why does this make me sad?

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:27 PM
  • 5 Replies

My stbx walked out on me over 11 months ago.  Our marriage had been in trouble for a long time and two years ago I had an affair.  We tried to work through it doing counseling, couples retreats, etc.  When he told me he was leaving I had no clue he thought things weren't working.  That he was that unhappy. 

Shortly after he left I heard a rumor that he was seeing a woman he used to work with.  Then I didn't hear anything else for months.  I decided that it must have just been a rumor.  Then recently he was tagged on a photo at a birthday party with this woman.  He wasn't actually in the photo but was tagged as being there. 

Yesterday facebook suggested this woman as a friend because we had 12 friends in common.  So curiosity got the better of me and I had to look to see who we have in common.  I wasn't surprised by most of them but when I saw my stbx's sister I was like a knife in my heart.  The only way she would know this woman is through my stbx. 

Here's the confusing part.  After he left me I realized what a crappy life we had been living and that I would be better off without him.  I've been building a better life for myself and my kids.  Friends and family are repeatedly commenting on the positive changes in my life now that he's gone and how proud they are of me.  I know that divorcing him is the best thing for me. 

I accept that I am not blameless in the end of our marriage.  I hurt him by having an affair.  So why does it hurt so much to know that he has someone else in his life???  When I know I'm better off without him.  I feel like the biggest hypocrite for being hurt by this.   

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 1:27 PM
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Replies (1-5):
nickiemyers
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 2:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Because It is easy to tell yourself that you are better off, and you KNOW you are! But you have such a LONG path with this person, Love, hate, and everything in between! That we are only human...These are normal feelings. I felt the same way about my ex. But I promise it will get better!

M4LG5
by Silver Member on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:02 PM
1 mom liked this

It takes time.

Cenedra64
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:07 PM

it's because love and hate are the two strongest emotions we feel. It's like a blow to the heart that a man moves on and replaces us with another woman.   My ex is now living with another woman.  I see him all over town with her.   He never wanted to go anywhere with me.   It just disgust me that he never wanted to go nowhere with me or the kids but she's got him wrapped around her finger. 

chellenout
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 12:39 PM

Because you have true remorse? Everyone tells their friends, " you are tuely better off without... said person"  that's the norm.  But if you truly made the effort to overcome the divorce, then its because your remorseful.

steviechick
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 1:05 PM

I love and hated my ex for quite some time.  Now I only feel a pathetic feeling towards my ex.  I can look at him through FB pictures and see a man full of misery.  His unit has pics on FB of them while they were in Ft. Hood, TX.  My ex is sitting all by himself and not even smiling.  What does that say about him?  For a man that is in love and has two new children and a divorce going on why wouldn't he be at least happy he's ended his cherade and moved on?  Because my ex will never find happiness no matter how much he tries to change his life.  I can look at these pictures and see someone I once loved and thought I would be in love with forever.   We ALL feel that way about our ex's. 

My ex is now married to his gf.  He's literally moved on with his life.  He did so even while we were married.  Talk about a blow.  I know I have to move on with my life.  I also know that I am much better off without all the financial problems and the mental problems I was dealing with while being married to my ex.   Our marriage has ended - albeit a very cruel way to end any marriage.  It hurts to even say that my marriage ended based on infidelity.  I can at least look up with pride knowing I did my part to keep the marriage strong.  My ex can never say that.  He will have to deal with his own cover-up and infidelity.   I can move on happily with my life.

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