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I thought I was over him...

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:17 AM
  • 15 Replies

 You know the old saying "one step forward, two steps back"? Well it seems like I just took about 4 steps back! I was vunerable (& horny) tonight when STBX was over. I made one little flirty comment to him & we ended up in the bedroom. It is my time of the month so I couldn't do much, but he got the benefits this time. I know I shoudn't have, but it's been 2 months since we were last together & like I said... I was horny. lol

And now I know what it feels like to be the other woman- well sort of. I know he is with his baby mamma (I asked if they were together & he said yes) & I really don't feel guilty at all. I have no remorse for wanting to be with the man who legally is still my husband. I feel no shame for being with him tonight. What I DO feel is unsatisfied! lol

And I know that we can't do it again, but I'm fine with that. When we were together 2 months ago I had no idea it was going to be our last time together. Now, I know we will never have sex again & I feel that being with him tonight was enough (if you know what I mean). Sort of like closure? Which I guess is what it was since I asked him several questions that he had been avoiding answering for me (when did he know it was over, why didn't he fight for us, are they together). And he finally answered them. And I did cry because I knew all along what the answers were. But it was a good kind of cry I guess. I still want to be with him, but I know that we have been through too much to ever get back what we had. Or to be together period!

 

by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:17 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LuvLiddy
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:29 AM
All I have ever wanted is closure. He called me on the phone with the devestating news. Besides a brief moment in court, I haven't laid eyes on him. I just wish I had 30 minutes to talk and ask a few questions (in person). So glad you got your closure you needed.
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GraLauJon
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:14 AM
2 moms liked this

i hate that he wouldnt answer your Qs until you got intimate though. like releasing info was his pass to getting sex from you.  at the same time i know exactly what you mean. he is still your H and you still have that sadness and hurt and desire for everything to be normal...and for the reality to be for it to be a functional relationship.

i went thru the same thing yesterday, kinda, with my stbx. no sex. but we went out to eat. the kids stayed home and we discussed what we agreed on re: the divorce and why things would never work out for this so that we are both on the same page to finish things off.  i will create my own post on this, but really, my stbx wants to be "friends."  I told him to understand that he doesnt treat me like one so things will most likely taper off. 

as the receivers of ill actions, we have to be able to maintain our boundaries.  #1- so that we dont keep allowing ourselves to get stepped on and #2 - so that we learn to take one step further (liek the way you described steps in your post). its time we allow ourselves to widen out and create healthier relationships instead of always settling for less.  its a huge lesson to learn about self respect.  I am sure we can get there, but sometimes its not about getting tough with the other person - sometimes its about getting tough with ourselves....

keep on truckin, girlie.  We can cut our way thru the thicket and eventually do more than see the sunlight.  we can stand directly underneath it and feel its warmth.... we just have to work our way to it.

Akeso
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:53 AM

Glad you had sex as you never know when it's gonna happen again, and got your questions answered. I need to keep reminding myself about being strong and not settling for less. I wish it could be different too. So wish and pray it could be different. Anyway.

M4LG5
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:01 PM
Im glad you found closure but be careful....he may try again.
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GraLauJon
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:04 PM


Quoting Akeso:

Glad you had sex as you never know when it's gonna happen again, and got your questions answered. I need to keep reminding myself about being strong and not settling for less. I wish it could be different too. So wish and pray it could be different. Anyway.

akeso, you can make it different. i have felt the same way and i had a counselor who said that we move on when we are ready to and that it all depends on us..  the way we move, how quickly, etc. but he said that it takes real, physical effort to "move on."  we just have to gear ourselves up for that.  you can always PM me if you wanna talk. {{HUGS}}

Akeso
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:51 PM

Thanks Gra :-) I'm feeling a little teary and posting in between DD's night routine. I have to be in the moment too with her now I've got her again. She's so aggressive everytime she comes back from him.

GraLauJon
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:58 PM


Quoting Akeso:

Thanks Gra :-) I'm feeling a little teary and posting in between DD's night routine. I have to be in the moment too with her now I've got her again. She's so aggressive everytime she comes back from him.

ugh. my kid would always come home sick and then we would have to cancel the next week's activities. nearly  drove me off the deep end. but we have changed how we hande things and dad somewhere along the way agreed to alot of it.  i am sorry.  but i am glad you have her back and can help her readjust!!!  you are doing a great job mama.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 1:33 PM

 

Quoting Akeso:

Glad you had sex as you never know when it's gonna happen again, and got your questions answered. I need to keep reminding myself about being strong and not settling for less. I wish it could be different too. So wish and pray it could be different. Anyway.

 To make it clear- we did NOT have sex... I just helped him out. Trust me, if I wasn't on my period we probably would have! lol But he knows that THAT was it for us.

Montreatgrad
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 2:28 PM
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 I'm glad you got closure and I hope you will stick to your pledge that it's the last time.  I don't think it's good for women to contiune to have sex (intercourse or oral) with their ex or stbx.  The emotional attachment with sex is much stronger for women than men and I think we confuse our hearts when we go their with him.

I know what I'm about to type may be a little taboo but there are was to satisfy being horny.  My stbx and I had great sex and were very creative so "toys" are not new to me.  It's been over a year since I had sex and I've not had any problems taking care of my needs.  To be honest in some ways it's better because I know exactly what I want/need. 

Akeso
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2012 at 2:53 PM

LOL Montreat yes of course you're right and perhaps I preferred "my own company" a little too often too just for that reason! LOL. But there's something not quite the same about it and IT you know?!! 

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