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Lunch Meeting With STBX Yesterday...

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:55 AM
  • 8 Replies

So... stbx and i went to lunch yesterday and left the kids home so we could talk about the plans for our futures.

I think he is finally agreeing to let me have 100% physical custody. BUT that didnt come without the spiel of him wanting to remarry and letting me know that his 2nd wife would be a SAHM to OUR children b/c "at some point they may have to come live with me."  okay, the woman doesnt even exist (yet). lol.  as long as he agrees to give me 100% PC then i just write his erratic comments off.  he has pulled this with me for years, to the point that the kids are growing up and i dont feel threatened anymore about it.  He did try to tell me how the girls complain about me to him. i think as his "reasoning" for wanting to take them in the future.  2/3 of my kids i know dont do that.  mind you, he has tried telling me the same about other ppl, too.  the other one of our dd's he has tried to "groom" to be as abusive as him. he is becoming less and less successful though as the days go by.  I agree to 50-50 joint legal custody.

Anyway,  he was trying to promote the "lets be friends in divorce" thing and i told him that really he hasnt treated me like one, not even in that moment (b/c he was cussing me out in the middle of the restaurant while we spoke).   I defined it more like i am trying to be friendly but we would not end up "friends." we know we will be in each other's lives b/c of the kids and b/c of THEIR events they will go thru: graduations, weddings, grandchildren, etc.   he also thinks he will find a wife who is cool as being a new addition to our "family" b/c he doesnt care if he still spends alot of time with me "b/c of the kids."  lol.  he is a nut.

The long and the short of it is that we are down to needing to agree on the support amts over time. i told him the paralegal i went to see would speak to us both for free and that he would help us file the paperwork for like $400. but part of that is the filing fee anyway. and i told him that the paralegal said we wouldnt have to step foot in a courtroom if we agree on everything...and that really made my stbx happy b/c he doesnt want a judge seeing the allegations i made in our divorce docs. so we may be in the homestretch here.  also, in CA you have to wait 6 mos for the divorce to become finalized. my stbx filed years ago.  the paralegal said that at this point its more like 1-3 months for it to be pushed thru.  that made my stbx feel relieved too.  i think next weekend we will be going over the support amts.  this may actually end.   on paper.  the emotional stuff is always a work in progress.


by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 11:55 AM
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Replies (1-8):
RLSMOM59
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:41 PM
1 mom liked this

I hope everything works out well for you.

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Mar. 4, 2012 at 8:43 PM

Wowza.  He is a brick short of a load. 

Are you sure you are okay with 50/50 Joint LEGAL Custody?  He doesn't sound like someone who should be making any major decisions for anyone, let alone your kids!

Let us know if his imaginary 2nd wife shows up!  That is pretty weird.

GraLauJon
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:25 PM


Quoting tottaxi:

Wowza.  He is a brick short of a load. 

Are you sure you are okay with 50/50 Joint LEGAL Custody?  He doesn't sound like someone who should be making any major decisions for anyone, let alone your kids!

Let us know if his imaginary 2nd wife shows up!  That is pretty weird.

I was told by my atty to do joint legal, in case of emergency. Its the physical custody that usually ends up being the thing to work out. 

GraLauJon
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:26 PM

Here is the thing:  He is raging on me right now.  LOL. not unusual for him. i brought it up in marriage counseling before.  i am just tired of it. he is like that. dr jekyl and mr hyde. im tuning out til next fri when we will make plans for him to see the kids next weekend.  for now i just need to get down to business with other stuff.

wodntulk2kno1
by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 10:29 PM
I love how exes have their future planned out down to the sahm. I think its a ploy to tried to get a reaction out if us. my ex always tells me he isn't going to be alone forever ..well first you got to keep s girl friend !
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GraLauJon
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 12:13 AM


Quoting wodntulk2kno1:

I love how exes have their future planned out down to the sahm. I think its a ploy to tried to get a reaction out if us. my ex always tells me he isn't going to be alone forever ..well first you got to keep s girl friend !

LOL - i am sure my stbx feeds off of reactions. I just told him i didnt feel threatened but that i dont need to know his plans b/c all we were there for was to determine the finances thru divorce and for the future while the kids are still coming of age. he kept trying to make it a point to let me know his future love life was pertinent.  really, i just kept telling him i didnt care. he kept wanting me to care. i think that is why he resorted to telling me what role his future wife would have in our kids lives. i had to keep from laffin at him in a mocking way. lol. 

his mom has complained many times throughout the years how he acts stupidly and impulsively and then blames everyone else while he goes back and cleans up his own messes.  he keeps trying to pin the fallout of our marriage on me. but with domestic violence, sorry i will not take the blame.  i have had many women tell me they woulda dumped a guy like that long ago. my mom even said how i put up with his garbage far more and far longer than any woman she knew. i earned my way outta that situation. but he brought it on.

nickiemyers
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 9:40 AM
I am glad u both made some choices....sounds like u got what u wanted and that is a good thing
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steviechick
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 2:56 PM

I'm amazed at how well the two of you were able to at least talk things out.  The 2nd wife thing - that's definately weird but not out of tune for your stbx's character.  You held your ground and I'm very proud of that.  You are so much like me in the putting up with so much garbage.  I stayed with my ex for far too long.  Even my teenage daughter said I should have divorced my ex when he quit a good paying job.   She said this to me!  My daughter amazes me with her insight.  She's so mature for her age.  She's only 17 years old.  I sometimes wonder where she gets her thought process from.  LOL!   Perhaps moi? 

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