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Accepting Reality

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:55 PM
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I am realizing with ex's that we either blow them off or we deal with them...on some level.  My reality is that I have been coming to accept that i have been a person who just sloughs off bf's and goes on with her life and never really sees or hears from the other person again.  but with a marriage that includes 3 children i have had to make a HUGE adjustment in my thinking. it has taken 6 yrs of separation for me to become okay with it, but i think that is partly due to the children getting older and seeing that they are okay thru all of this. It was a weaning process for all of us.  and the end result is different than how i used to handle things.

What have you all had to come to terms with?  What about it made you change elements of your character? are you okay with that?  i am okay not seeing things as all being black and white anymore.  I just want us to be safe and sane and leading quality lives. To me, its not even about proving who is right and who is wrong anymore. it used to be.  but now it is just not wasting anymore energy or time on the negative stuff just to make a point.  the whole point of living is to be healthy. and for me that has been a change in my own mind of what that is all about.  there have been physical changes too.  i think we are all settling into a routine over here that we are okay with.



by on Mar. 4, 2012 at 12:55 PM
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steviechick
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 3:55 PM

I have had to come to terms with the fact that my marriage should have ended years ago.  It was a huge wake-up call when my own daughter told me I should have divorced her father right after he quit his good paying job - the ONLY good paying job that my ex held.  My daughter should have never been privy to the financial problems my ex and I had when we were married.  It's hard enough to NOT talk about money problems when they constantly pop up during a marriage.  And, it's hard not to talk about them when you only get to see your ex once a week sometimes.  My teenage daughter deserved much better than what her father gave her.  In terms of being a decent father and provider.  I have learned that any red flags that come up with any relationships in my life I have to deal with them head-on.  No more putting the problems off to the side.  A husband/father needs to be just that - a husband and father.  Not someone who can't handle being what he should be to two people who deserve better in life.  I, too, want my daughter to lead a quality life.  She's at a great age where responsibility go hand-in-hand.  From what my ex has shown to his own daughter about how one goes about leading his life, I can honestly say that at least I am a good example of what an adult should be as far as a mentor for their own child.  How can a teenage girl look up to a parent that is constantly putting himself to be a total loser?  I can't allow that to happen in my relationship with my daughter.  I allowed it to happen with her father.  I should have stepped in and put a stop to the madness.  Had I not done this I think the madness would have continued.  I was the better parent.  Now it's all about moving forward and accepting the fact that we DON'T need my ex in our lives.  We've done without him for several years (as he worked part-time and was AD).   I guess it's easy to move on since my ex lived another life outside of our marriage.  Accepting the realtiy that my marriage is over and our lives will never be the same again is something that both my daughter and I are still dealing with.  However, it is a good feeling knowing that my daughter can count on me for everything in her life.  Without me, my daughter would be dealing with her unstable father.

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