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I hate that I still care.....

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:17 PM
  • 6 Replies

Its been 3 months since he left me and our 5 kids.  He still comes around for kids and supports financially.  I am having a hard time still caring about what he does.  I swear facebook is evil lol.  I tend to look at his page and see things he doing and I get upset.  On top of that one of his ex girlfriends from 15 years ago is liking is status's and lives 5 houses down from his parents house (where he is staying).  I need help coping with these emotions.  I have to stop this....I'm making myself sick over this.  Should I maybe see a counselor?  Anyone having a hard time separating from emotions?

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 1:17 PM
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schoolbusmom72
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:12 PM
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Block his fb page. its for the best. I was lucky because my exh cant even turn on a computer much less have a fb page. But for how you feel, all i can say is its gonna take time. And remember its really not you, its him. He left therefore he no longer has any power. One thing i realized is dont assume anything EVER. Things are hardly as they seem. Be Strong.

GraLauJon
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:17 PM
1 mom liked this

my stbx and i are not even friends on FB. never have been, never will be.  i agree to block his page.  also, its only been 3 months!!  of course you are going to have raw emotions. you are in a very fragile state right now, so just make sure you have a support system. if you can afford counseling then do what you feel is best, but remember that we are here at CM for you too. keep posting and you will get the most of out of your time here.  and also, i tell ppl not to do what i did: which is writing myself off. i felt i had no hope but i was wrong. it took me a long time to realize that.  and i didnt realize it until i let the stbx go emotionally.  it is a journey so put one foot in front of the other, live one day at a time (or one moment if you have to) and one day you will wake up to all new scenery!!   hang in there. HUGS

Lovingmyland
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:20 PM
1 mom liked this

The emotions are raw I'm sure.  That takes time to get past.  I would block his FB page...the less you know about his private life, the better and that will help you begin healing.  One day at a time sister  :-)  We're here for you.

Akeso
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 2:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes block the page, that is just torture. Once you find something else to occupy your time, I read emotions take a few minutes to follow so just let the wave pass. And find something else constructive that comforts you and makes you feel better. I joined my local church, started working out (bit lapsed there!), started going to different things like meditation circles if I could time-wise, going out in the evenings (meetup.com) when possible, enjoy time out at the park or for a walk with your children, just try and fill your day with positive, happy things. Singing helps too!

5_and_complete
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you all sooooo much! You have made me feel welcomed in here. If I can just talk and vent, it would release so much frustration. I do have my family's support, but Im sure I just wear them out with my talking lol. It's refreshing to come in here and get fresh opinions. I'm going to block his page and carry on with life. He sure didn't care enough about my life to stay with me. *****Positive thoughts*****. Have to do it for my kiddos.
Wafah
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 4:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Hello there sweety, I can relate to your struggle as iv just been through a divorce 2 months back. At first I couldn't stop thinking about him, wanting any excuse to talk to him just to know what he is up to and what's happening in his life. All it did was keep on killing me over and over. I couldn't focus on anything positive or my own life as I was spending so much energy focussing on him. I would go to sleep tired and wake up tired, as my mind would be consumed with memories and beautiful moments we've shared. I still do love him. Eventually I realized that I'm going to remain stuck while he may end up walking right past me. I will never be able to grow and heal as long as I keep focussing on him. Rather, I need to look ahead and decide how I'm going to build my own future and focus on creating my own happiness. The only way I could achieve this was by cutting off all contact with my ex. I don't have kids from him, the 2 boys we shared were his from a previous marriage where his wife died, so there is no need for contact. It's almost 3 weeks now, and if for some reason I do need to contact him, it will just be business. This is the best thing I've done for myself so far. Yes, the pain and hurt still comes and goes, I still miss him and think about him, but cutting that cord is helping tremendously. I no longer sit for hours and hours reading his emails over and over again, or looking at his photos, or his messages. I don't wan a keep on punishing myself and rubbing salt into my wounds. I want those wounds to heal. I think you need to look at doing the same. What benefit is it to you focussing on his life, don't give him so much POWER. It's time you took your power back! You are worthy, special and worth giving all that love and attention to yourself! Every time you have the urge, call or email a friend that can support you. Delete him from your fb, so that slowly but surely you can start the process of deleting him from your mind, your heart and eventually your life. You have children with him, so you cannot avoid contact completely, but keep your correspondence with him to a bare minimum, and only what's necessary. Use email rather than even talk to him on the phone. Sweety, I may sound harsh, but I don't want to see you delaying your healing. It only prolongs that pain, agony and hurt. You remain stuck and stay miserable! I'm here to support you in anyway I can.
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