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I took a big step

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:32 PM
  • 5 Replies
2 moms liked this

At least I think it was a big step.   The stbxh has run me through the ringer with the cheating and unfounded accusations of my mistakes I had a really hard time with our separation, we'd been together going on 18 years now, it all hit me very hard.   He cheated on me and two weeks after moving out introduced his girlfriend to our kids, anyway I have accepted the situation and am actually very comfortable with it.  We have gone to a mediator and have all he paperwork done just need to file for divorce, he is paying for everything since I am still a student and asked me to wait till next month so he could gather funds, fine with me.   Well for a few months now he's hinted how he wouldn't mind being friends with benefits, I laugh it off because well to me it's kind of like karma - he cheated on me with her and now wants to cheat on her with me - so I am comforted knowing I at least had a faithful mate for 17 years she has had him for less than one.   I digress though.   I told him yesterday that he needs help, that he has issues and needs to figure out what his problem is - why he insisted he was in love with this woman but can't leave me alone why he is obsessed with me not forgetting him when I find someone else.  I told him that he no longer had any right in knowing any of my personal life, the kids are the only people he is allowed to ask me about or discuss.  I told him that when I find somebody I will not make the same mistakes he's made.    I told him that he would not be welcome in my home if he was going to continue to disrespect me this way.     If it came to it we would begin dropping the kids off at our parent's houses and interact solely for the kids benefit.  I feel like I finaly got it through to him that he has no hold over me that I am my own person and he is no longer a part of my life except for the connection we have through our children.  I really think he thought I would not be able to let him go.   I love the fact that he left yesterday dazed and confused and has not called me once today.  

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 7:32 PM
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Replies (1-5):
miss_AP
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:05 PM

 good job mama!

Jenny_Penny89
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:22 AM

Good for you!! :)

steviechick
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:11 PM

Good for you.  You are better off without the scumbag in your life.  My ex cheated on me, too, and kept it from me only to tell me about is affair (I was the last one to know) just before he deployed to Kuwait.  Three years and kept his disgusting behavior a secret from me.  Pigs like that don't deserve anything good in life. 

GraLauJon
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 11:17 AM

LOL - you go girl!   I have been going thru the same. my stbx raged on me all day yesterday b/c i told him i  didnt want him in the house today when he visits the girls.  he wants to get divorced but keep coming over. but  his reaction i have recognized it as his usual hatred twd being told "no" and so he went into his standard temper tantrum phase (a 45 yr old).  I keep forgetting that with abusive men, the more control you take away from them the angrier and more vengeful they become.  Im over it, too.  iVe gone past the fear of what he will do to me.  i couldnt care less who believes him and who doesnt.  Its a huge hump to get over, but if we stand firm and dont buckle under their manipulations they do eventually get it and move onto some other victim. 

btw, my stbx did the same: cheated on the person who he cheated on me with.  ah, the vicious cycle. Im just glad i am pulling out of that.  Guess i got bored with it. lol  keep on truckin, girlie.

chellenout
by on Apr. 28, 2012 at 11:29 PM

Atta girl!way to go

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