Ok the truth is i am weak, lost, confused, and really hating myself. I have been divorced since last April. My ex has been living with another woman in the home we built together since then. I have left and gone back more times than i can count in the 19 years we have been married. He is a drinker, cusses as everyday talk, has verbally downed me for years, been selfish and no help with our four children in everyday responsibilities. I have always described us as two spinning ball: one with him in his world and one with me and the kids, and we bump into each other occassionally. He has always felt all he had to do was work and come home and play with the kids. After four kids i needed help! Anyway the fighting would get bad and i would leave.....then i would miss him so bad i would pack up and go back home. We have been together since i was 12 and him 16. Got married at 18 and 23. He is all i have ever known. Well in the last year he has helped none...kids and i were evicted due to no money, i had to file bankruptcy, and my parents stepped in and built us a small house. Now he wants me to walk away from what i have and the stability my children have to "prove i still love him" and come home. I do still care for him even after everything and am not strong enough to tell him to leave me alone and move on! He says he will marry this girl he is living with if i dont come home now and it will be over forever. I feel i am sitting on a fence in the middle of two fields (two worlds) and am scared to devote 100% either way.....i feel like the 12 year old again unable to make up my mind........looking for insite please.
on May. 1, 2012 at 9:31 AM