Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I do drug test on him or try to avoid a high conflict divorce war?

Posted by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:29 PM
  • 3 Replies

This thing has been bothering me a lot, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Long story short, my husband left about 8 months ago. I moved to my parent's house with my 1 year old son, and he stopped depositing any money in our joint account right away. He took all the business assets and didn't give us any child support. I found out I was pregnant with our second child after I moved to my parent's house. I told him about the baby, but he never cared or called to check on us.

My husband is a chronic pot smoker and he drinks daily. I have been thinking to order drug test on him in order to reduce his visitation (I live in Texas and I really dont' want him to have standard visitation). His mother and her sisters have been really mean to me every since I was married to that family. I can't stand the thought of my sons spending time with them. Especially nobody ever called to check on me or my kids since he filed the divorce. They don't even care whether I'm having a boy or a girl this time.

My lawyer said if I order drug test on him, it's going to be a divorce war. if he's tested positive, he'll have supervised visitation and more than likely he'll keep bringing me back to court until he gets standard visitation. It'll be a lot of money and we'll need to go through trials. 

I don't know what to do. Is it better for my sons to have their father and let them spend time with him and his family? Should I just not do the drug test on my husband, and just let him have the standard visitation?

Just thinking about my sons will be away for a month in the summer, a week of thanksgiving, a week of christmas, a week of spring break, every other weekend.... it makes me sad already :(

by on May. 3, 2012 at 10:29 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-3):
by on May. 4, 2012 at 4:31 AM

You have every right to be concerned. You can bring your concerns to the judge and let the judge determine if you STBX needs testing. However, you have to have concrete proof not just I think. Pictures of him smoking,people who are willing to coraborate you concerns, etc. You can also request that he not drink while the children are visiting because you have concerns. GL

by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:45 PM

my SIL couldnt afford an atty so she went to trial and repped herself. she got help for free by standing in line at the courthouse while they assigned paralegals to help the first so-many ppl in line. you just have to call the courthouse to find out what those days are.  MY BIL is a convicted felon, thou. so she knew when to file, etc.  But he does not get any overnights with them. they are supposed to be supervised day visits with grandma.  he can only call during certain days and times of the week to speak to them, etc.  He has refused to go to rehab. he would walk into court with sunglasses on.  Really, if your ex has any kind of record you need to know about it and have that investigated.

Also, he cant get out of paying cs.  So you can apply for that whether you have an atty or not.  Its not going to be an easy divorce either way, hon. If you dont fight for the safety of your kids then they are in danger.  My BIL would get high and then take off with their girls and then call my SIL up and freak out, saying he felt like he was gonna have a heart attack, etc and she had no idea where he was with their girls.  You have to remember that attys set their own fees. they dont have to charge you that much.  you can do this no matter what representation you choose. someone who tells you  its gonna be a war...duh.  so i agree, seek advice from another atty. it wouldnt hurt.

by on May. 5, 2012 at 2:20 PM

I used to be like you....wondering if this or that WOULD MADE OUR DIVORCE UGLIER THAN THIS OR THAT.....

Let me tell you that in my case, IT GOT UGLY ANYWAY....and I was thinking on my kids I got enough information on how to show to court that he is AN ABUSER THAT HE PHYSICALLY HURTED OUR KIDS, ME....

I did what I needed to do to protect my kids....He ended getting himself a great EXPENSE lawyer....He won in court and I lost everything....including the house, the money....

The court did not care if he was an abuser father or not....he got 3 days with our kids EVERY WEEK....

Therefore, in my case It did not work out for me trying to show in court his matter of fact HE TRIED TO TAKE FULL CUSTODY OF OUR 3 CHILDREN.....

Today, I am in peace that I tried!  One day my kids will know what happened in court and they will know MOM WAS NOT AFRAID OF FACING THE LAW TO PROTECT THEM! even without a lawyer....

My kids are awared that until they can speak freely in court and their voice to be heard....they are seeing their DAD every week for 3 days....and though he is an buser STILL, my ex knows THERE IS A RECORD IN COURT THAT I DID TRY TO PROVE THAT HE IS AN case something happen THERE IS EVIDENCE ENOUGH THAT I DID TRY TO PROTECT MY KIDS.....

In your case, I would go forward with protecting your kids....even if you lose proving it...there will be at least an evidence YOU TRIED....IN CASE LATER IT IS NEEDED TO GO BACK TO COURT!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)