I am currently going through the separation portion of divorce. I was married for 7 years to a military man who drag me through the dirt for years. I was married before to a man who threw me around the home and threatened my life. I then meet the man who I swore was my night in dusty army boots. I was head over heels in love. I waited for him to come home after a deployment and was soon married and pregnant with our first son. I should of known. I was about 5 months pregnant when he told me he didn't want me anymore. He didn't know if he wanted to stay married to me. I caught him talking to a female in the states (we were overseas). He was on porn sites and was looking for hot and ready singles. I begged him to stay. I remember sitting on the stair case crying and wondering why I was just not enough for him. I loved him so much. We stuck it out and moved state side. I tried to be the wonderful wife new mom in a state I knew no one and felt so alone. I then found an im between him and a woman that he had dated previously to me and continued to talk to even though I was waiting for him during his deployment. The ims were saying he loved our son but didn't love me. He wanted to know if she would take him back and expressed his love for her and want to be with her. I feel into extreme depression. I wanted to die. Y was I not enough? Was I that horrible? What am I doing wrong. I wanted to leave him. My mother said stick to it he's just a man. He begged for me not to take my son away. I stayed. Not wanting to but hoping things would work out. I started medication for depression got friends and started college online. I would prove I can be the best woman he ever had. I had my moments. I struggled and had bad days but I would do my hardest to make it work. He worked long hours and was gone a lot of the time but I supported him the whole way. Never faultered. We had our second son and He seperated from the military and I had to live in ny so I can continue school. He stayed in his hometown. He didn't have to but did. I found out later he partied it up with old friends and his family who has hated me from day 1. We FINALLY get a home and his job set up. He joined the reserve and had to drive 9 hrs every month but I maintained the fort. I showered him with support. My 5 year wedding anniversary I find an email between him and another woman. It was just her side but they were explicit. He had went and visited her when he was suppose to come home. They had plans to continue. My world shattered. I was told I was crazy and called names. I felt the world crash around me. All I worked for was just torn apart. I told him never talk to her again. I contacted her and said the same. A month later when he went on a two week drill he contacted her not even an hour after he left the house. I should of left. I wanted to. My trust was gone. The love I once had for him disappeared. It took me two years to wave the flag finally. I'm done. I can't get over it as much as he wants me to. I have moved on. I have a job and now working on my masters. Of course the divorce just like all the reasons he cheated are my fault. Buy hey I'll take the blame if it makes him happy. I know I will never go down that road again.
Whew that was just a broken down synopsis of my story. But I had to get it out. I'm now working full time. Move into my apartment soon. I feel 100% myself. I have a bf who I have known for 10 years. Things r slow since he as well is dealing with his divorce from a crazy baby mama. We r supporting each other which is nice. No pressure. It feels good to be in control of my life!