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The guilt consumes me daily...

Posted by on Sep. 6, 2012 at 9:01 PM
  • 7 Replies
Long story of course but short version. Was married 15 yrs. three kids..ages now are girl 5 and two boys 11 and 8.

My mother was bipolar, so he drug me to psyc after counselor to claim I was. They never did, but said I was at the lower end, so I was put om meds. That was all he needed for leverage.

He would have made me loose my teaching career. So I thot.

And at that point, I just wanted out. I wanted to make me happy for once. Yes I was being selfish. I admit it. This all happened a year ago.

And I honestly think it was the right decision for him to keep the kids (jointly). Living on the farm, all the animals, his parents to help.

I had no one and could only find a small 2bedroom dump at the time. They still act miserable when they are with me even though I am happy with a bigger house and a wonderful man whom they like.

I just don't know how to get over the guilt. My oldest still says I don't love them since I left, but his dad told him I left I need the counseling not him and one day he will know what his mommy did.

I had an affair. I knew it was the only way he would want me to leave. And sometimes I think he would have been ok with separate bedrooms. I didn't want to live another 15 years of that.

Sorry for rambling.....I need peace....not badgering please...ty
by on Sep. 6, 2012 at 9:01 PM
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Replies (1-7):
cc_mih
by on Sep. 7, 2012 at 12:32 AM

Im in the same situation. My ex-hb failed to provide emotional support to me in our marriage. I was depressed. I met a new man and had emotional affair with him. Although it is nothing physical, but exhb found out and file a divorce right away. I was feeling guilty everyday that I ruined my daughter's family. The guilt consume me daily and i'm not capable to pick myself up. I went for counselling but I did not tell the counsellor about my emotional affair. I felt ashamed because exhb actually show his parents about the flirty text messages between me and my new man.

cara124
by Cara on Sep. 7, 2012 at 10:11 AM

your going to have to learn to forgive yourself before you can expect others to forgive you ! ..

otoole
by Member on Sep. 7, 2012 at 8:32 PM
1 mom liked this

its hard but just try to live your live and be happy and the kids will soon forgive, i think we punish ourselfs more than what we need, as i feel guilt everyday for my two kids, they are only almost 2 and almost 6months,they prob dnt even no any differance, but i feel guilty for taking away what i think they should know and have, but then again they would also know you are not and happy and almost want you to get away from it, kids don't like to see you suffer either, when they are old enough they will understand

GraLauJon
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 2:24 PM

can you go to family counseling with your kids?   that way everything can be brought out in the open and you guys can get tools for healing your relationship with each other.  When my H left (he is bipolar), i told my kids that their reltaionship with their dad is separate from their relationship with me.   so to work on those relationships how they see fit.  it made them feel empowered.  of course, i am sad for my son b/c he cannot get what he really needs from his dad.  he has tried but has also come to accept that he cannot force his father to connect with him.  if you can all agree to counseling then the kids would see your desire to be connected with them and your desire to heal your relationships with them.  who knows what your ex is saying on the side about you that they are being brainswashed with.  but the more your interact with them the more you can override the words and negativity....b/c it will be real time with them.  HUGS

autoskill1973
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 6:28 PM
He says my oldest doesn't need counseling, just your mom. She did this to us! There you have it.
GraLauJon
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 6:30 PM

well, i am saying you take the bull by the horns and make sure you address your kids. not how your ex tries to manipulate them.  sometimes we have to speak to our kids privately in order to keep the upset from the other parent out of view...just so they can think for themselves. GL

autoskill1973
by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 6:31 PM
Yes I make sure I love them and mommy and daddy both agreed. Ty
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