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Preparing to file but should I wait until after holidays?

Posted by on Sep. 9, 2012 at 9:27 PM
  • 8 Replies
I have a 7 year-old that has just return to school and is settling in well. After 15 tumultuous years I am ready to file for divorce. I have retained an attorney. All I need to do it give the word and they will start the paperwork with the courts. But, should I wait until after the holidays? I honestly can't live like this anymore. If it was just me I would file tomorrow. But, I am worried about my child. I will most likely move out and will have my child come with me due to certain scheduling issues. I feel no time will ever be a good time, but I want to make this as painless as possible for my child. The tension in the house is palpable. I can't stand being in the house when my husband is home. I take care of my son all week (husband works until late in the evening) and then I work all weekend so he cares for him. After work on the weekends I don't want to go home because he is there. I do errands, take walks, go park the car and listen to music until early evening then I go home to help my child get ready for bed. I just can't live like this anymore. The arguing is getting worse, we don't speak to each other unless absolutely necessary. We are silent roommates at this point. And advice or input would be appreciated.
by on Sep. 9, 2012 at 9:27 PM
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by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 8:19 AM
No time is a good time and you may be surprised your son may adjust better than you expect. I was in the same boat but I have 4 kids. It hurt our relationship because like you I wasn't home when their dad was. Once he finally moved out things between the kids and I got better.
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by Cara on Sep. 10, 2012 at 10:03 AM

PP has some great advice ... get your self set with everything you need to file then move forward ... there is never going to be a " right " time ....

by Bronze Member on Sep. 10, 2012 at 1:14 PM
I would do it now. Do you really want to spend another holiday faking it?
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by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 3:28 PM

It will never be PAINLESS - no, you're merely talking degrees of pain.  So the question is why are you wanting to leave?  If it's physical pain, he's hurting, beating you, etc. then leave yesterday.  If it's just attitudes, hell even if it's cheating, put up with it till after the holidays, cause it's going to screw with the kid in every case, but rather than having her associate the holidays with the pain of when the parents split.  No, unless there is violence, tough it out the remaining 3 months, then do what you have to do.  Good luck and God Bless.

by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 3:45 PM

If its like that at home, moving may make for better holidays since everyone will be in a better mood. Like everyone said, no time is a good time....but if you're going to do it, I say do it now or after the holidays. Once you to the end of October I say stick it out until January. If you are prepared and have a plan, then go for it. Otherwise don't be afraid to take some time to be sure you have everything accounted for and a plan.

by Member on Sep. 10, 2012 at 4:15 PM
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After almost 30 years, I was in the same prison as you...four kids...and wanting to spare them.  I stayed through the holidays, although it was Sept. at the time...the holidays were the worst ever.  He played "Mr. Wonderful" and the spin was so destructive to me.  He emptied all the accounts, including the Xmas club account!  Then he told them that I was at fault for the dismal presents that would be coming...He used the holidays to promote himself, and trash me, but I was at a loss because I didn't want the kids involved.  There is no right time but the present time.  Because you are concerned about the holidays, as I was, he will use and abuse you like never before, as mine did.  Send the papers.  The reality is that divorce is necessary.  Do what you have to do. For the first time, I had to think about myself in order to be a healthy mom.  So must you.  It has been over five years now, and this is the advice I give to you.  I wouldn't want to repeat those holidays ever again!!!

by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 2:54 PM

 i say do it now.  if you have to move maybe you can do it over the winter break and that will be easier for you guys.  i remember transferring schools in 5th grade. worked out perfectly during the break.  just do what you need to do.  you know that holding yourself back just keeps you back...and in standstill mode.  nothing gets done that way.  GL

by on Sep. 27, 2012 at 4:48 PM

i was in your shoes i just filed two weeks ago and still coping thro it but i knew it had to be done now im just making the next steps to get through it. i know how you feel and its hard hugs

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