I was thinking about how its really been beneficial for me to compartmentalize things in my life so that i can deal rationally with them:
My stbx and i were fighting over what percentage of custody to have the kids. when he admitted it was just about the money to him i decided to offer the solution of just agreeing on set amts of support vs basing it on how much time we each get to have with the kids. let the time with our kids be a separate issue. he agreed and as a result he is givine me 100% physical custody of the kids b/c that seems to be what works out best. he visits when he can (or wants to), which is what he was doing anyways...regardless of the agreement set up originally. he is also letting me have the house without me buying him out. like instead of giving me lifelong alimony after a certain point. and i am okay with that. he is giving me the family van. that is paid in full.
when i have compartmentalized him talking about starting a new family i try not to let it set in and depress me. it upsets my dd, it hurts me. but then i think "it hasnt even happened yet." and if i really break it down, it does make me sad that we are not a family with a dad anymore. but #1, that doesnt mean i cant find another companion/dad who treats us right and better than he has. #2, in reality we cannot live with him so why cry about what cannot be? and #3, we are much healthier living this way. #4, if he remarries, the new wife will have to deal with his stuff and maybe he will leave me alone and stop harrassing me consantly.
i just notice that what i THINK or FEAR what will happen, or what is actually happening at the moment, controls me more than just dealing with it for what it is. i hope to keep compartmentalizing whatever i can b/c it tones down the panic button for me. it helps me make more constructive decisions. and it helps me put my life back together, even if its piece by piece. but thats how its done.