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Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over

Does anyone Know??

Posted by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:20 PM
  • 10 Replies

so today i had my visit with my kids and my ex has temporary full csutody due to  lying well he told me that 75% of mothers in cali actually get full custody or any custody... Does anyone know if this is true or how do i find out? i did nothing wrong i left him because the marriage was un healthy and he was emotionally abusive to me and i left him for another man but took my kids with me hes trying to say thats gonna make me lose any type of custody at all and that makes me a bad mother... but i took care of my kids like any good mother does and got them outta there and he knows i was a good mother now hes calling me a f***** bad mothers cuz good mothers dont leave their husbands for other men simple frownso if any one knows Californias child custody law please help!?

by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GraLauJon
by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:54 PM

um, i am in Calif and i know my atty said to be careful if there are too many SOs coming and going.  my stbx was making the rounds, but honestly its Calif and its basically anything goes here. are you not originally from this state?  I thought you had an atty, just ask him, but they wont take the kids away 100% unless its major, like you are a drug addict and cant get up in the morning. 

cara124
by Cara on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:48 AM

I'm in CA also and honestly its a toss up as to what the judge will do... My EX lost all custody rights ( I have 100% both legal/physical ) because he through a tantrum in open court ..... So be very careful what you say or do in court / mediation because that's what can bite you in the ass in the long run .... Talk to your Attorney they should be help you get at least 50/50 ( which I understand is the most common ) .

mrs.southard17
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:05 AM

my atty said that she feels good about my position that i should at least get my kids fully or maybe half but im hoping for full but ive only been with this one guy since him and i dont plan on being like my exs mom and having bf after bf while my kids are growing up i think thats y my ex is so messed up so im being careful im glad i have atty because i know she can keep me from losing my cool and im not agreeing to anything in mediation because i know he wont agree to anything i put out there and i know he wants full permenant custody im not agreeing to that.

GraLauJon
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:32 AM

yeah, it sounds like he is just trying to punish you, but that is typical too.  like i have said before in other posts, it really depends on the judge you get.  up here, they go for automatic 50-50.   i was even told by an alternate atty i consulted with that i woulda been better off going to downtown LA for the hearings. i think i told you that...?

what cara said is true, be careful not to lose your cool in court b/c ive heard they hate that.  it just shows we can get out of control and proves the other person right, even tho it may really be that we feel conviction as mothers, yanno?

I did not settle in mediation either.  i actually called up my stbx when i got served the papers (he filed as petitioner i am sure to try and show how i am the abuser, not him - he wants to cushion himself) i called him and asked why in the world would he askfor 50% custody when he hardly ever came home or wanted very little do to with the kids? he said, "who said that?!"  I said, "Look at your own docs that you filed!."  He said, "my atty put that in there. its just a starting point ... i dont even WANT them 50% of the time, and even if i did i have to work."   he was asking for 30%.   the mediator had to separate us when we met b/c i openly informed her that this was a dv case and no way was i gonna allow him to have them at all. i would rather he had supervised visitation. he started to get irate and the mediator was a woman so i think she felt it best to calm him down by speaking separately to her.  i kept saying no to his requests, so we left that meeting with nothing accomplished. now we agree that i get 100% sole physical custody b/c i have left weekends, holidays, his vacation time open to see the kids.  he sees i am not witholding them from him.  he may say differently but once he admitted he wanted partial custody for the sole purpose of not having to pay out more in cs, we agreed on support amts aside from the time with the kids.

I hope you have an awesome atty and you get your kids back.  HUGS

mrs.southard17
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:32 PM

me to thanks he only wants them to keep control over me he just text me this morning and said this still hasnt set in yet for him then started crying he wants to keep me coming back thats all cuz he freaked out yesterday when i told him i got my sons toddler bed so idk but im def not agreeing to anything because then he will think he can continue to control cuz i give in and im hoping i get a good judge and my atty can help me get my kids back 100% and that the judge can see thro his lies and bs

GraLauJon
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 12:40 PM

yes, its a huge gamble hoping a 3rd party sees thru them. the marriage counselors we had did, but they are trained professinals.  judges are attys, they deal with the legal stuff, not all the mind games and emotions.  i hope you can show he is playing games.  i dont have much faith in the system at this point. i felt very betrayed by the courts.  i am glad you have a good atty, that helps alot.

they cry, i think they are really so very immature and base. they just dont get it. they really dont, the ex's.  i think they just run off survival mode alot of the time.  they dont think how they treated us will have consequences. i warned my stbx for yeeaars and then i slowly detached.  he was crying and suicidal. then he turned the tables. so just be prepared and be aware b/c my stbx came back with a vengeance and when i joined dv support grps i found out that that is very common, and also so is using the kids as pawns in their game. 

Let us know how it goes!!!!

mrs.southard17
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:26 PM

o yea he def uses my kids as a tool to hurt me its sad then he sits their and says i didnt think about them when i found another man and left umm i took them with me stupid but yea yesterday i didnt give him the reactions he wanted like usual so i think thats y he was emotional today even sent me a pic of a family photo that we took but i also know if i feed into that that he will think im saying i wanna come back and thats what he will tell friends

GraLauJon
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 2:31 PM

yeah, i dont even care anymore what he tells others. but what he feeds into my middle dd's head is just killing her and he doesnt care b/c he makes himself more important.  the only thing i dont like is my stbx will get upset and cry his crocodile tears, then he gets angry b/c i am not reacting to him the way he wants. then he um..he starts to get revenge to try and force me to do what he wants. it is serious stuff.  and it cycles over and over with threats and then really mistreating the kids. but by law if we are forced to hand our kids over its almost impossible to get that power and relationship back.

mrs.southard17
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 7:41 PM

exactly even if i ever thought of going back to him i couldnt hes destroyed and feelings i even may have had left for him because of what hes pulled but he did because he thought id come running back but i didnt

GraLauJon
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 7:51 PM

they are so dumb.  let's mistreat the woman and she if it'll make her come back.  my H tries to make me feel like i am missing out by not being with him. i was missing out by being with him in the first place. what else was left? 

my H just keeps trying to turn everything around on me. i spoke to the paralegal. i told her we are trying to be flexible with each other re: the house so she said she will talk to him about what he wants and will get back to me so she can know how to phrase the wording in the divorce decree....i told her that in the end its about the kids being taken care of.  ultimately that house was bought for them.

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