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Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over

thrown a curve ball.....

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:02 AM
  • 17 Replies
So I just got a call from my boyfriend. He got a job offer in San Antonio, TX. I live in Columbia, SC. My boys live here as well and I have a 50/50 set up with my ex. I have a job and apartment. I don't know how to feel. I know my boyfriend is doing it for me. He's worried due to him getting out the military that he won't be able to provide for me. But it puts me in a difficult place. Advise would be greatly appreciated.
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by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 11:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
miss_AP
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 3:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Did he invite you to move with him? Are you considering it? Are you wanting to ask him to stay? Where exactly are you wanting advice? I have all sorts of opinions haha ;)

texbee83
by on Nov. 15, 2012 at 4:15 PM
Well he wants me to come with him. I'm considering it but it will entail me leaving the state and leaving my boys in that I would have to share custody long distance. Everyone has given me grief because I have allowed my ex to have the boys. I have raised them from day 1 and given everything up to include a military career. I would have a job opportunity with a huge raise and ability to spend more time at school. It's great opportunity. It's finally my time to get my career underway. But I feel so beat down from others opinions. I'll look even more like a neglectful mother although that is far from the case.
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tottaxi
by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2012 at 9:55 AM
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You are not the only woman who has had to relocate.  Is it a pita?  Yes.  The visitations will not be easily accomplished and with you being the one requesting the move, the travel expenses for your kids will be on you.

How old are your children?  Are they of school age?  Once kids get to school age and long distance, you may have to be satisfied with seeing them only on school breaks, summer vacations and through skyppe.

Has your bf exhausted all efforts to find a job in your current area?  If not, then he really needs to do that before transplanting YOU miles and miles from your children.  Or is this his attempt to remove your children from your life?

I think that unless you (you and bf, that is) have done all you can to establish yourself near your children, it does look as though your children are an afterthought instead of your primary concern.  BF should NOT be your priority.  If he is, well, you need to rethink your priorities.

cara124
by Cara on Nov. 17, 2012 at 11:10 AM
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everyone has to live their own life ... if this is whats going to work for you and your comfortable moving . Then don't let other stop you. Your life can't be lived to make others happy YOU will suffer in the end for that .

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:20 AM

just make sure the bf is a decent guy.  that is my advice. b/c my stbx was abusive and did a classic textbook move by taking me away from my family.  we are divorcing now b/c he was so violent.  and he didnt come across that way at all when we were dating.  he got rave reviews by other ppl as being such a nice guy.  now he is trying to get some woman he met online to come here from Armenia where she will be separated from everyone she knows.

my point is, make sure this guy is someone you have a solid foundation with.....b/c it can change your life, for good or bad.  and it sounds like you would be sacrificing alot to be with him.   My gut is telling me to say to you, "dont do it."    my stbx would say things like your bf....he can get a job anywhere in the U.S.  The economy is bad, but why find a job that far away, knowing you have kids to tend to?  It just sounds very shady to me.  and if many ppl are telling you that then please listen.   alot of times we dont listen to others and do what we want anyway and end up paying a heavier price in the end than we could have ever imagined.


BE SAFE

GraLauJon
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:25 AM


Quoting tottaxi:

You are not the only woman who has had to relocate.  Is it a pita?  Yes.  The visitations will not be easily accomplished and with you being the one requesting the move, the travel expenses for your kids will be on you.

How old are your children?  Are they of school age?  Once kids get to school age and long distance, you may have to be satisfied with seeing them only on school breaks, summer vacations and through skyppe.

Has your bf exhausted all efforts to find a job in your current area?  If not, then he really needs to do that before transplanting YOU miles and miles from your children.  Or is this his attempt to remove your children from your life?

I think that unless you (you and bf, that is) have done all you can to establish yourself near your children, it does look as though your children are an afterthought instead of your primary concern.  BF should NOT be your priority.  If he is, well, you need to rethink your priorities.

I am confused about where you are saying your oppty is....where you live now, or if you move?

texbee83
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this
I told him no I'm not moving that far. Just an update. Ur right my bf should be my #1 priority and believe me he isn't. My boys come first. I'm a package deal. He wasn't trying to seperate me from them. He's just so worried about taking care of me and I think its nerves more than anything.
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tottaxi
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:41 PM


Quoting texbee83:

I told him no I'm not moving that far. Just an update. Ur right my bf should be my #1 priority and believe me he isn't. My boys come first. I'm a package deal. He wasn't trying to seperate me from them. He's just so worried about taking care of me and I think its nerves more than anything.

If you are quoting me about the bf/#1 priority, I want you to reread my post.  HE should NOT be your number one priority.  YOUR KIDS SHOULD BE.  And from this post I would say that they are!  Good for you!!!!  You and your boys ARE a package deal.  My mom was a single mom and that is what she always called us..."a package deal".  In fact, her first date with the guy who is now my dad (adopted me later) included me!  He came to pick her up for dinner and mom called me to go.  He asked if I was going to a babysitter and mom said "No, she's going to dinner with us."  LOL!

texbee83
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:26 PM
No I misquoted u my bf is not #1 priority.
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texbee83
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 9:51 PM
There are actually 2 job opportunities. One in TX and one in GA. its so hard because I struggle here in SC. I live paycheck to paycheck. I feel like I'm also still stuck under my ex's thumb. He can't keep the boys 24/7. He has 12 Hr rotating scheduals. This makes it impossible for him to keep the boys as much as he likes. He's counting on me to be there, which I don't mind. But I told him ill take the boys. Every weekend holidays and what have you they can come to him. If I took the job n GA its only 1 1/2 hours to meet up. He makes a stink about it. I can understand why but I just feel like once again he takes advantage of the fact that I am here to take care of the kids so he can do what he wants.


Quoting GraLauJon:



Quoting tottaxi:

You are not the only woman who has had to relocate.  Is it a pita?  Yes.  The visitations will not be easily accomplished and with you being the one requesting the move, the travel expenses for your kids will be on you.


How old are your children?  Are they of school age?  Once kids get to school age and long distance, you may have to be satisfied with seeing them only on school breaks, summer vacations and through skyppe.


Has your bf exhausted all efforts to find a job in your current area?  If not, then he really needs to do that before transplanting YOU miles and miles from your children.  Or is this his attempt to remove your children from your life?


I think that unless you (you and bf, that is) have done all you can to establish yourself near your children, it does look as though your children are an afterthought instead of your primary concern.  BF should NOT be your priority.  If he is, well, you need to rethink your priorities.

I am confused about where you are saying your oppty is....where you live now, or if you move?


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