Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over

My fault....yet again....

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:09 AM
  • 19 Replies

I find it rather interesting that every single thing that ever happens is always my fault or that it is my way or no way.  HMMMMM so you started seeing a woman while we were married but now our separation is my fault?  YOU chose to charge up $50K in credit card charges that were only in your name and I never touched yet that is my fault....  lets not forget how YOU chose the holidays you wanted kids and we created a visitation schedule and now since Thanksgiving is my holiday, that is my fault.  When does this insanity end?  He keeps postponing the final hearing.... I just want to be rid of him. 

This man has altered text messages to "show" that I have been having an affair while we were together (NEVER happened), denies things he has said in front of lawyers, judges and mediators, creating situations that never existed.... why?  To make me look like a horrible, evil person.  Well, eventually he will get it in the end.  Kahrma, God will seek vengence, and just the nice saying that if you dig a hole big enough, you eventually fall in.  Can't wait until he falls in.

Thanks for hearing me gripe.......

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:09 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 4:34 AM

I am facing a similar situation (everything is twisted around to be my fault). I hope you speak up whenever he lies in front of lawyers. From what I have been told, lawyers and judges can usually see right through it but it doesn't mean you have to take it! What's in it for him, that he would go so far as to alter the text messages? What's his motive or goal? Anyway also make sure you keep records of everything he writes so you can produce it and prove that that's not what you said - the text message thing should be a red flag for the authorities to show his character (a liar).

by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:29 AM

AMEN!!! Love that answer also. I'll have to try it on mine. The other quote that's stuck in my head that also relates to mine at least, but is more sinister. If you've seen the Usual Suspects you know who Kayser Soze is, and in it he says, "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." That would be my STBX.

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 12:56 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry mama. Nothing as major as that over here, but yes, EVERYTHING is always my fault. He forgot to pick up the kids when I was at a charity function? Yup, my fault, I didn't remind him. Late fee and past due amounts on the mortgage? Yup, my fault, I didn't remind him after we agreed he would pay it 3 months ago. Tuition due for private school? Yup, my fault even though we agreed on this course together.

Thankfully I'm slowly learning to let it go.....I don't have to remind him. I'm not his mom, the entire reason we got divorced. He can grow up.

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:56 PM

totally been there, done that....and its not even "DONE" yet.  just like you.  toally the same story, different guy.  its abuse.  And it wont end until we put a stop to it. that is what i have learned. i just returned an email of my stbx's enumerating exactly where i stand, what i will and wont be corresponding OR taking the blame for.  have not heard back from him. lol.  nice peace and quiet for a change. I also let him know that i will be keeping all of our emails so that way it cannot be edited. I have cut him off skype,  we arent friends on FB and we hardly even text anymore b/c i know i need my proof from emails.  i refuse to talk over the phone with him, too.

GL, but just keep reestablishing boundaries and stay empowered on your end.  Its all control. and he is mad you are divorcing him.  somewhere it hink there is a male gene that makes them think they can have their cake and eat it, too.

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:57 PM
2 moms liked this

PS - if you want to quote scripture, then here is a perfect one:  "Those dealing with the stupid ones will fare badly."   AMEN!

by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 9:44 AM
1 mom liked this


by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:00 PM
I thought I was only one! Sent him my schedule for work, he looked at the wrong day and didn't pick up our fault. Luke woke up screaming for his daddy so I finally called him after an hour of trying to calm him fault his new "pet" got mad at him. I told him a month and a half in advance that I couldn't get an earlier time.for the parent teacher conference and he chose NOT to take the day guessed it, my fault. I come home early.from a four hour road trip and him and his "pet" are playing fault, I shouldn't have gotten home so early. I give up.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 9:14 AM
3 moms liked this

  NO contact is not engage or respond to him...of course everything is all your fault...why would you want out of such a lovely relationship if something wasn't wrong with you?  See, that's his spin.  We're all nuts, except the cheater.  Mine did monstrous, nasty things and I left him.  Now, he's like:  woe is me, my wife left me..."  He will play the pity card to anyone who will listen, and eventually, they all will get tired of listening to him, and tell him to "move on" which will infuriate him more...Be careful...Do not let your guard down.  He sounds like he is brewing...

by on Nov. 23, 2012 at 10:57 AM

Oh - i just got accosted by an elder in my congregation and have another one coming over this weekend b/c my stbx is texting them and they are telling me he is ranting to them.  all i can do is remind them that he is bipolar and he fluctuates.  he has even threatened to call the police on me, citing child abuse.  he wasnt even here!!  my kids had to calm him down b/c he told me that he wants everything that happened to him to happen to me.  he went to jail for assaulting me. 

by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2012 at 3:06 PM

My STBX is too bright to ever get caught at anything. Like the quote says, the devil's trick is to make everyone believe he doesn't exist. Except I'm the only one apparently who sees it. He had to let his guard down. I'm afraid of the "something brewing" comment. He pulls the pity card but not to me. Says I was telling him to leave for a year and he left which is not true of course. I was up to here with his constant abuse, and he left while I was away, left a note. That's a coward and it's abandonment in my book.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN