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Divorce & Starting Over Divorce & Starting Over

How do you know it's really over?

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 3:17 PM
  • 11 Replies
1 mom liked this

I moved out but dh and I are "working things out" but I go back and forth all the time between wanting to just move out on my own and not wanting to dedicate myself to a whole yr without dh. He isn't following through on anything he told me he would do, he says his job is too demanding. I really don't want a divorce but I really DO  want to be happy.

 

When did you finally cut ties and stand your ground on leaving for good?

by on Dec. 28, 2012 at 3:17 PM
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Akeso
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 4:10 PM
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I haven't got to that point. Mine left due to an episode of physical abuse but he emotionally left me months after we married. If you think the marriage is worth saving and he seems willing to change or go to counselling...

GraLauJon
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 1:16 AM
2 moms liked this

well that is a vague post so i really dont know your situation, but i did things in stages.  i take things slow i guess.  but after awhile i catch on and know which direction to go from there. i really dont have any regrets.  you let go when you get tired of the games and dont wanna be in a rutt anymore.   some ppl handle their business quickly and others take longer.  it take real, physical action though.  not just emotional reactions.

Monsita
by Bronze Member on Dec. 29, 2012 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I spent 6 years trying to save our marriage.....

I did have a babyssiter so we could go ou...t just the two of us/ he did not want to take me out  ANYWAY!

I did have scheduled appointmnents with marriage counselers/ ALONE AND TOGETHER/ for a whole year he did not go to either one....I did...and it  helped me to get emotionally ready TO FACE THAT OUR MARRIAGE LIFE WAS NOT EXISTING ANY MORE!!

I did handle good that he did not wanted to have intimacy with me, that everything that I did/dream of/think of/ was not good enough to pleased him.....BUT I COULD NOT STAY ANYLONGER WHEN HE PHYSICALLY ATTACKED OUR OLDEST CHILD and CPS told me "if you as the mother do not take away your child from this situation...WE WILL" 

I WAS NOT GOING TO ALLOW THEM TO TAKE MY KID AWAY FROM ME because I did not protect him....from his own Dad....NO!!

As soon as they left and he went to work I RUSHED TO LEAVE. I took 3 big plastic trash bags and fill it with some of my kids clothes, I pick them up from their school AND NEVER WENT BACK....IN THE RUSH I DID NOT EVEN GET ONE SET OF CLOTTING FOR ME....

I have no regrets!!!   when you know IT IS OVER, YOU FEEL IT IN YOUR BONES!!!

 

 

kh4irish
by Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:11 AM
4 moms liked this

You may not know what you want in life (marriage)  but you better damn well know what you don't want.

iamsunflower
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 6:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Only you will know, it will hurt like hell. My ex called me the night of our divorce telling me he never wanted a divorce, but failed to tell me he was already in a 6 month relationship with his ex girlfriend. I knew right then and there that I made the right decision. We haven't been divorced for two years yet and they have already celebrated two years together.
sarahjoy
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 9:08 PM
6 moms liked this

I knew it was that time when I had more "bad" times than "good".  I had more days that I felt angry, sad, overwhelmed etc than days where I was happy, truely happy.  I knew it was time when I felt my life and my children's lives would be better off.  Even though it was hard and still is hard because of the kids... i didn't want to hurt them by divorcing their dad but now that I am divorced I am very happy.  Therefore, I want to do more things with my kids.  So even though im sure it is hard for them that their mom and dad are not together anymore... I have done more for and with my kids in the last year than I had in the last 10 years.  Financially I am much better off, emotionally I am way happier... thats how I knew it was time...when my life would be better without him.

kh4irish
by Member on Jan. 3, 2013 at 5:32 PM

They can have their so-called celebration.  We know better.  It is just a matter of time before the Jeckyl comes out.  Time always tells...


kaymarie1473
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:49 PM
Did you ever figure it out?
feliciasmith
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 7:53 PM

 


Quoting kaymarie1473:

Did you ever figure it out?


 we're working it out as of right now. He told me the whole truth of why he did what he did and it's still a crappy situation but at least now I know what I'm working with.

kaymarie1473
by on Jan. 23, 2013 at 9:57 AM
Quoting feliciasmith:




How exactly are you working it out?
I ask because I'm in a very similar situation. We moved very fast. I'm 6 months pregnant and we haven't even been together a year( I know I know) Things were good for a little and everything caught up to us. We were both wrong in many situations, and both have a lot of changing to do. I am always quick to forgive, he's not. He's been gone 14 days and I was trying to force him to come back. He's not a sentimental guy and doesn't communicate well with feelings, but has been giving me mixed signals.
- we finally talked last night and I told him I would change what was needed( and made it all my fault even though it wasn't) he said he loves me, but isn't in love with me because of all that happened and when I think about it I don't know if I'm I love with him either.

After talking last night this is what I got from it
I can see he is hurting and he said this is not easy for him, but it has to be done. We moved so fast that it just all got carried away and he wants to start our relationship over. Apparently, he loves me, but we need to fall in love with each other again( i agree) too much resentment. I guess we have to re learn each other, but its hard to forget and forgive the past. He said we are going to have to learn to date each other and start over and we can do that living in two different houses. ( I don't exactly know how to do that, but I think he is right and hopefully, we can fall back in love and it could all work. He just has to put forth more effort. He says its hard to put the past aside to move forward, but we talk daily, sometimes important things, sometimes just normal conversation. He comes to appointments, and is making more of an effort to come over.

I guess its just hard to wait and live seperated lives with our baby being born soon and already living together for months
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