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slowly losing respect for my friend

Posted by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:21 PM
  • 3 Replies

I've had issues with her in the past and was able to get past it, but this one I am having a hard time really dealing with and supporting her. 

She is currently talking and sleeping with a married man.  He tells her that they are legally separated, yet still lives with his wife and two children one which is only 6 months old.  She feels that they have a connection and that things will work out.  I've tried telling her and she knows that he is not leaving his wife and if he does he isnt going to get tied down in another relationship.  He wants to introduce the kids to her (they are young so they wont remember is how she justifies it) The introduction will take place at her 2nd job so its no big deal. 

Fortunately my marriage didn't end because of infidelity, but I can't even imagine how his wife will feel once this comes to light and we all know that it will.  

by on Jan. 14, 2013 at 4:21 PM
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tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jan. 14, 2013 at 6:44 PM

Oh my.  Does she really think that if he cheats on his wife that he won't cheat on her?  How can she ever be completely trusting of him when she knows what he is capable of?

I never understand this.  Doesn't Sisterhood mean anything?  How can she think this is right?  Of  course they connect NOW...a sexual connection.  He's gonna say and do anything he can to keep that connection going.  Does she not understand that he is running from his responsibilities?  Is she okay with doing what she is when there are children and a wife that are going to be devastated?  Does she really want that kind of man?  His actions having nothing to do with his feelings for her.  He is a pos and she should end this now.

On the other hand, they deserve each other.  I'd rethink my friendship with her.  If she thinks it is okay with this woman's husband why would she keep her hands off anyone's...even yours?  These two are thinking with their genitals.

MereMcM
by on Jan. 15, 2013 at 12:55 PM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like your friend is a bit of denial...or she just does not want to hear the truth about what youar e saying...because it's probably right.  I'd just stop telling her what you think...or if she brings it up again then give her your one final answer and that's it.  Distance yourself from her...and if she comes running back you can decide if you want to let her back in...but if you don't agree with the choices she's making and you've tried to be a friend to her and provide guidance...your job is done!

tottaxi
by Battle Weary on Jan. 15, 2013 at 4:19 PM
1 mom liked this

I have a "friend" who is constantly making poor choices for himself.  I listen to his bs and try to put in my two cents worth, letting him know that I am uncomfortable with them.  Over the years it seems as though his choices are totally self-serving and morally and ethically questionable.

Recently he has made choices that I could no longer overlook because they had totally crossed the line of appropriate behavior.  By being his friend I felt that I was also compromising my own "code" and that is something that I am not willing to do.  "Birds of a feather flock together"....I didn't want anyone to think that by my association with him that I, too, was of the same ilk as he.  I was compromising my own integrity just trying to maintain a half-assed friendship with him.  I had always voiced my opinion on his behavior, but that was no longer enough.  I had to end the friendship or risk damaging my own soul.

You can try to help your friend to "see the light", but if she refuses to see the truth in your words then it will come to a point where you will question her values and wonder whether if it was to her advantage if she would be willing to throw you under a bus if you got in her way.

When people show you who they are believe them.  There is really no excuse for what she is doing because she knows that no matter what line of crap he is feeding her she is aware that he has a wife and family.  She should have enough self-respect to remove herself from his life until he is free to pursue her openly and honestly.

You can't prevent her from being hurt if he never leaves his wife.  You can never respect her again for ignoring the obvious.  Time to sever your ties and choose friends who have the same moral code that you adhere to.  Otherwise the next person who you will lose respect for is yourself.  She's not worth that.

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